slartysmith

Asking For A Receipt

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The politicians (Cameron, Balls etc) have been encouraging us never to pay cash for anything without getting a receipt.  This is intended to cut down on tax evasion although I don't understand how it would actually help, short of everyone sending in all their receipts to HMRC every year for them to correlate with the tax returns.

Have any ladies ever been asked by clients for receipts and, if so, what was the response?

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A first! I actually split my  tea laughing over this. I can imagine the more polite ladies scrambling around for pen and paper, desperately trying to write up a headed receipt. The rest will happily teach you new swear words.

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The politicians (Cameron, Balls etc) have been encouraging us never to pay cash for anything without getting a receipt.  This is intended to cut down on tax evasion although I don't understand how it would actually help, short of everyone sending in all their receipts to HMRC every year for them to correlate with the tax returns.

Have any ladies ever been asked by clients for receipts and, if so, what was the response?

 

 

Yes sir and how is your name spelt Dick what was that? ;) ha ha

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I can only imagine MP's themselves, asking for a receipt and claiming it on expenses, against entertainment or promoting foreign relations in the case of an EE or Asian girl.

 

Just today there's a report of an MP claiming against sponsoring hospital radio and advertising hoardings at local sports clubs.

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The ladies should use iZettle.com - credit/debit card readers for free at the mo. LOL

 

AND you can send a nice receipt to your clients email too!

 

:lol:

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Once you have got your receipt and you make a claim in your accounts what does it go down as!  PR costs or entertaining!! Or perhaps training as its helping confidence!  I guess you may be able to get a way with it if you are a sex therapist since you will need to experience what your client is going through !!!! :)  

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There is a poem I have totally forgotten about a man musing on his female conquests something like "they called her Nell in Camberwell..." and so on. The final couplet was "...........the best of all the bunch. But when he put expenses in, they were breakfast, dinner and lunch!"

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The politicians (Cameron, Balls etc) have been encouraging us never to pay cash for anything without getting a receipt.  This is intended to cut down on tax evasion although I don't understand how it would actually help, short of everyone sending in all their receipts to HMRC every year for them to correlate with the tax returns.

Exactly - it just shows a misunderstanding of how real businesses actually work; you may well ask for a receipt, but it doesn't mean the business will declare the income.

Having said that, if a builder offers you a 20% reduction if you pay in cash, then it's pretty clear it would be to avoid VAT. HMRC have templates for typical cash-based business so if your returns look unusual they are likely to investigate.

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a receipt?

 

this thread is almost as funny as the tipping one

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This came up many years ago in non-punting circles. The idea (failed) was that the payor would deduct tax at the standard rate, issue the payee with some kind of tax voucher, which he/she would use to offset their personal tax liablity.

 

Yeh right!  :wacko:

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Isn't this how BAE got into trouble years ago?

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Going back many years, but didn't Kama of Kingston accept credit card payments and offer receipts?

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As a good citizen, I will ask at my next punt for a proper receipt detailing all services extras provided, I have detailed below an example of what I expect to receive. lol

 

Kinky Clara's Escort Services  05/03/2015

 

Standard Services

   Massage

   Oral

   Full Sex

   Orgasm received ________

                                £300.00

 

Extras

  Anal                       £  50.00

  Rimming                £ 100.00

  Danger Money       £500.00 (whilst rimming)

 

Discounts

 Small Penis             £    0.01 (£1.00 per inch)

                                _______

Total                         £950.01

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Going back many years, but didn't Kama of Kingston accept credit card payments and offer receipts?

 

You have a good memory.. As yes, she did!

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As a good citizen, I will ask at my next punt for a proper receipt detailing all services extras provided, I have detailed below an example of what I expect to receive. lol

 

Kinky Clara's Escort Services  05/03/2015

 

Standard Services

   Massage

   Oral

   Full Sex

   Orgasm received ________

                                £300.00

 

Extras

  Anal                       £  50.00

  Rimming                £ 100.00

  Danger Money       £500.00 (whilst rimming)

 

Discounts

 Small Penis             £    0.01 (£1.00 per inch)

                                _______

Total                         £950.01

 

Sorry but you can't use a false invoice like this one.  Are you an MP?

 

A discount means you REDUCE the cost, so you can only claim for £949.99.

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OK then, take this one step further, if a male is suffering from being oversexed, and gets the urge too often, and that urge leads to an uncontrollable wish to have sex, so rather than rape someone, he goes and sees a professional.

 

So seeing a professional is preventing him from breaking the law. So she is giving him help with his medical condition, too much testosterone.

 

Could he then claim that his expenditure was on medical therapy?

 

Ditto a man who is into S&M. The only outlet for his desires is to go and see a professional specialising in S&M. Would we rather he got violent, or carried out this practice on an unwilling recipient, or he paid someone who was happy to provide this service? So is providing this service medical therapy?

 

So when he eventually gets caught doing what he shouldn't with an unwilling party, he shows the judge a whole list of receipts showing that he has been receiving regular therapy for his condition. 

 

There rests my case for the defense, m'lud. 

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OK then, take this one step further, if a male is suffering from being oversexed, and gets the urge too often, and that urge leads to an uncontrollable wish to have sex, so rather than rape someone, he goes and sees a professional.

 

So seeing a professional is preventing him from breaking the law. So she is giving him help with his medical condition, too much testosterone.

 

Could he then claim that his expenditure was on medical therapy?

 

Ditto a man who is into S&M. The only outlet for his desires is to go and see a professional specialising in S&M. Would we rather he got violent, or carried out this practice on an unwilling recipient, or he paid someone who was happy to provide this service? So is providing this service medical therapy?

 

So when he eventually gets caught doing what he shouldn't with an unwilling party, he shows the judge a whole list of receipts showing that he has been receiving regular therapy for his condition. 

 

There rests my case for the defense, m'lud. 

 

I know this is a light hearted thread but I hope no forum member is such a closet criminal.  If there is anyone out there like this reading please get some medical/ psychiatric help.

 

Sorry to be a bit heavy.

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OK then, take this one step further, if a male is suffering from being oversexed, and gets the urge too often, and that urge leads to an uncontrollable wish to have sex, so rather than rape someone, he goes and sees a professional.

 

So seeing a professional is preventing him from breaking the law. So she is giving him help with his medical condition, too much testosterone.

 

Could he then claim that his expenditure was on medical therapy?

 

Who is he making a claim on - the NHS? It doesn't quite work like that.

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Sorry but you can't use a false invoice like this one.  Are you an MP?

 

A discount means you REDUCE the cost, so you can only claim for £949.99.

Yeah but i'm an MP so I have to make "mistakes " and claim back more expenses than I should, it's part of the job description. :P

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Who is he making a claim on - the NHS? It doesn't quite work like that.

Private Health Insurance?

 

If it was available on mine, i'd definitely take it up..

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Who is he making a claim on - the NHS? It doesn't quite work like that.

He is not claiming ON anyone. It seems that getting someone else to pay has become the normal now, so you are assuming.

 

He is claiming to the judge that he  is paying for specialist therapy, so he is trying to treat his medical condition, so therefore the judge should take this into consideration.  

 

We are told we have to get receipts for everything we pay for in cash, so now he has written evidence that he is getting specialist treatment.

 

Quite what her indoors would make of the receipts I don't know. 

 

Anastasia Steele's receipts from/to Christian Grey would make interesting reading. 

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Going back many years, but didn't Kama of Kingston accept credit card payments and offer receipts?

Ah, Princess Kama! As a practicing Devadasi (sic) was it not, she claimed, culturally inappropriate for her to actually ASK for money? That always struck me as a bit tricky!

 

I wonder what she's doing with her life now.

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Ah, Princess Kama! As a practicing Devadasi (sic) was it not, she claimed, culturally inappropriate for her to actually ASK for money? That always struck me as a bit tricky!

 

I wonder what she's doing with her life now.

 

I was very new to the scene when I first came across her posts on punterlink. I didn't have a clue what a devadasi was at the time, so I read into it.

I remember reading on her website that she accepted credit cards and provided receipts on request. I wonder how many of her visitors actually asked for a receipt. She was the only one I had come across that worked in this way, so it's stuck in my mind. She was highly intelligent, and feisty with it. Took no nonsense from some of the dragons on plink!

 

She was at uni when she used to post on plink. Perhaps her degree has opened up doors to a whole new world. I hope so. 

 

 

Years ago I met a gent who said his company provided him a moderate fund, should he feel lonesome while working overseas. So his time with me was paid for by his boss! Wonder if his employer expected a receipt? 

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Asked for a receipt in a brothel in France once so I could claim it on business expenses...was slightly pissed so did it for a laugh, but sure enough she wrote out a receipt for food... which passed the expense police...  Her name always made me laugh... it was Fanny and didn't speak a work of English.

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