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Funny Punting Moments

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As the thread title suggests - anyone want to admit to doing anything a bit silly during a punt??

Mentioning a Polish lady I've seen in another thread reminded me of our first meet..

I'd been punting for about 10 months before I'd ever done an incall - all my previous punts had been outcalls to my hotel...

So I got to the wg's place (it was actually her house), got invited upstairs and offered a drink. I asked if I could have a quick shower, she sorted me with towels and went off to make a drink. I hopped in the shower, came out all nice and squeaky clean, dried myself then thought hmmm now what? so I got dressed and made my way into the bedroom where the wg had just arrived with the drinks...which she nearly spilled laughing at the sight of me arriving from the bathroom fully dressed! I just told her I liked having someone to undress me :rolleyes:

On my next visit I emerged wearing a towel and she commented on my not getting dressed this time..but I'd put my boxers on under the towel so she still had to take something off so she still had a bit of a giggle

I take it no other punters get dressed after showering at a wg's place - before the action starts!?! :)

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The one time I had a shower at a wg's place before the action started I did get dressed (actually into another set of clothes than those I'd arrived in) but that was because we were going out for dinner before hand.

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The one time I had a shower at a wg's place before the action started I did get dressed (actually into another set of clothes than those I'd arrived in) but that was because we were going out for dinner before hand.

That would make sense, me on the other hand... ;)

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One comedy moment springs to mind, about 10 mins into the meeting the girl stood up from the bed, took my hand and led me downstairs. I wasn't wearing my glasses so could only see a couple of feet in front of me, and therefore couldn't tell that she was posing seductively in front of a full length mirror wanting me to do her from behind. We laughed about it and then proceeded to fuck all over her flat.

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I'm sure I've read a similar tale on here before but couldn't find it, but I swear what happened below is the gospel truth!

Another incident with the same Polish lady - good job this girl's got a wicked sense of humour...It's a wonder she doesn't charge me danger money when we meet..

After one of our meets she left me feedback saying I was magic in bed. Which is comical in itself, but she must have had her crystal ball handy when she wrote it because the next time we met I made her disappear!

By this time she'd stopped being able to offer incalls so I booked a room at a nearby hotel. They mucked up my booking and I ended up with a twin room that I was unable to change no matter how much I protested. So I made the most of it, rearranged the room and pushed the beds together, which didn't seem too bad as the 2 singles were larger than a double bed.

Girl arrives, and we get down to business. She's a bit on the energetic side at the best of times and we're all over the bed until I end up on top in missionary with her laying across the beds rather than top to bottom. The inevitable happened - the beds did their own version of the parting of the Red Sea and went their separate ways while the poor wg disappeared arse first down the gap. Whoops!

It took a while for the laughter to subside and to get back to where we'd left off - gawd knows what people in the adjacent rooms must have thought :blink:

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One of my first ever punts, it was with the gorgeous Lia of Maxes back in 2007 ( there is a review here ), it was an incall, sorted out the payment, I had a shower, I came out and Lia was waiting with a drink and after some kissing and groping she gets to her knees and starts blowing me and then my phone rings!!!

I'm like " Lia baby, stop a second, I'll switch it off " but Lia insists I take the call, it might be important, so I look at the display and it's my dad!!!!

I answer it and start talking and Lia then carries on sucking me off and I'm trying to talk to me dad whilst Lia is giving a fantastic teasing BJ, my legs going wobbly with the effort and then she starts deepthroating complete with gagging sounds and I give up on talking, just listening to me dad and saying " yeah, yeah I know " every few seconds trying to sound interested in what he is saying, then Lia puts my hand on the back of her head to guide her head onto me and I start face fucking her as I get closer to cumming and finally my dad ends the call and I'm free to shoot my load down Lia's throat which she swallowed and then collapse on the floor, giggling like a madman and Lia is like " did you like that, could he tell what we were doing "

I bloody hope not, but that BJ set up numerous bookings with Lia over the past eight years.

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I had an unfortunate but amusing/harmless misunderstanding.

 

In 2012, I had an appointment with a young English redhead called Isabella who used to work at Bunnies and Hamiltons escorts. For bookings Isabella always wore the type of sexy clothes I liked- hotpants, tight black leather trousers... on this occasion she was wearing a nice pencil dress. So I wanted to give her a compliment.

 

I say: "Wow, you have great taste in clothes."

 

The look on her face: she stares at me, then frowns, and gives me a sharp glare. Now, I'm sometimes slow on the uptake with women, but I could see something was up.

 

Turned out, she had thought I said: "Wow, I have great taste in hoes."

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As the thread title suggests - anyone want to admit to doing anything a bit silly during a punt??

Mentioning a Polish lady I've seen in another thread reminded me of our first meet..

I'd been punting for about 10 months before I'd ever done an incall - all my previous punts had been outcalls to my hotel...

So I got to the wg's place (it was actually her house), got invited upstairs and offered a drink. I asked if I could have a quick shower, she sorted me with towels and went off to make a drink. I hopped in the shower, came out all nice and squeaky clean, dried myself then thought hmmm now what? so I got dressed and made my way into the bedroom where the wg had just arrived with the drinks...which she nearly spilled laughing at the sight of me arriving from the bathroom fully dressed! I just told her I liked having someone to undress me :rolleyes:

On my next visit I emerged wearing a towel and she commented on my not getting dressed this time..but I'd put my boxers on under the towel so she still had to take something off so she still had a bit of a giggle

I take it no other punters get dressed after showering at a wg's place - before the action starts!?! :)

 

Talking of showering before a meeting, this reminds me of a guy who wanted to have a shower as I prepared the drinks.  I went back to find him using a floor towel instead of the towel I left for him on the toilet seat.  'I though I smell funny' he said as I asked him to jump in the shower for another clean. At least he had a good sense of humour.

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Love that Lia story. Meeting her for the first time next week, looking forward to it even more now!

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Love that Lia story. Meeting her for the first time next week, looking forward to it even more now!

Ah sure you will have a lovely time.

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I take it no other punters get dressed after showering at a wg's place - before the action starts!?! :)

At least one other punter does just that: the GFE can feel a bit too much like a GPE otherwise.

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A story I've tole here before. She had the radio on during the punt and while I was down to business yakkdey sax started playing on the radio. AKA the theme from the Benny Hill Show, I could not help but laugh and as she was young did not get why that was funny.

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A story I've tole here before. She had the radio on during the punt and while I was down to business yakkdey sax started playing on the radio. AKA the theme from the Benny Hill Show, I could not help but laugh and as she was young did not get why that was funny.

 

Ha ha, that is indeed funny. 

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...great stories, love the Benny Hill music, I have to say, having a sense of humour is important in this game....that much I know .....

 

I always find a fanny fart funny - I don't have a sophisticate sense of humour and fart jokes can often do it for me (sorry)...but when a lady fanny farts that always has me in stitches ...mainly because the lady always is so mortified.....I enjoy it if she blames me for it.....that always cracks me up and completely puts me off my stride.  Funny that seldom does a lady take responsibility for her own fanny fart!!

 

Quite a few ladies have done this (must look at my technique :)) but I swear always makes me crack up and thankfully the lady also....

 

I don't mind a fanny fart in the slightest but my o my the look on the poor ladies faces! :)

 

That look of mortification and embarrassment (no need to be - only natural and better out than in, I always reassure them) - but guaranteed to crack me up and thankfully them also :)

 

Punting is so down to earth isn't :)

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I was thinking, if I should put my "funny" or rather embarrassing moments, because all the above quite tame in compassion with mine.

They all happened quite a long time ago, and nothing much interesting since then. I suppose, I just grew older...at last and started to behave. :unsure:  I am sure I posted them before 3-4 years ago on this forum.

 

Warning: Its a long post! Three events which I still can remember very vividly!

 

First: I had an overnight appointment with a French guy, who I never met before. We went for a Dinner first, and by the time we were returning to the hotel, it was around 11pm. We took a little walk around the Canal (he stayed in Malmaison hotel in Birmingham), gone to this little bridge across the canal. He already told me during the dinner, that he is married, and bringing 3 children on his own. Also he mentioned that he is doctor psychiatrist, and his wife was sectioned and in mental institution. His English was not exactly fluent, which I found unusual for a "doctor". I also had a concerns, why wife of the psychiatrist, end up in the mental institution? Ok, I am not to judge, not that I believed him fully. He did come across as a lovely, kind person though, and he was, as I seen him few times after.

 

Sorry, I digress: 

 

We came to the bridge, holding hands like a long married couple, leaned on the rails, and he said to me in his deep French accent: "Xzania, my wife is so crazy! If she was with me right now, she would jump in this canal!" When I've heard it: I took my shoes and coat off (it was the end of November) and jumped in the canal! The water was so cold, and after few minutes my legs gone numb and I was trembling like a last maple leave on the tree.

 

The problem was: I could not get out, because of the high wall around the canal. He did tried to get me out, but being short and round (Danny De Vito look-a like) he could not stretch his hand to pull me out. He did tried his best though! I could see that the wall eventually getting lower in about 100 meters or so, so said to him, that I will swim there, and then I can get out. 

It was weekday, and hardly any people around. Maybe for the best, as I could have been arrested for anti-social behavior, lol. While I was making my way (half swimming half walking on the dead rats carcasses on the bottom of the canal), I've seen three heads over the wall laughing his heads off when they seen how this guy tried to pull me out, when his hands could not reach me, and my hands could not stretch to his. It was three guys walking pass. One of the guys jumped in the canal, pushed my bum and body as high as possible (the stockings was ripped of course, I don't even want to imagine the view, lol), and his other two mates pulled me out.

 

I am grateful forever to this three strangers, especially the one who jumped in the cold water to rescue me! Surprisingly, it did not put the damper (pun intended), for the rest of the night, and I even did not got a cold. Totally unprofessional, and embarrassing at the time -YES. Hilarious, years after- Absolutely. We did met with this client 4 times after, before he disappeared. He called it in his deep french accent: "Anecdotal event".

 

I will post two others later. (if anybody interested).

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I will post two others later. (if anybody interested).

Yes please! Great story haha!

Talking of overnights - another thing that happened on my first one...nowhere near as exciting as yours... :)

I'd left home in the afternoon to check in to the hotel - I was supposedly working away on a 'training course'. Parked my car, checked in, carefully hung up my clothes and thought I had plenty of time to chill out before I was due to meet the wg. Then I thought I'd have a shower.. So went to my case to get my washing stuff. Not there - now there were things in my washing bag I didn't want anyone else to see as it would sort of give the game away that I was up to no good...

I decided I must have left the bag at home. So I raced to the car, drove home (dangerously close to the time others would be arriving home and I was supposed to be a couple of hundred miles away...

Tipped the house upside down - no bag. What the hell? I think to myself... But I had to get out of the house pronto, so made my way back to the hotel. Time is getting on, I park the car, run back to the hotel. Go into the room, and see the missing bag which I'd already placed in the bathroom and completely forgotten I'd done it.

Not quite the chilled out start to the evening I was hoping for! There were a few other "incidents" that night but it was still one of my favourite punting experiences..

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....well talk about story topping!  The thing is Xenia what I don't understand is what made you jump into the Birmingham canal on a cold night in November - the psychiatrist explained his wife would because she is crazy - what was your excuse?

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....well talk about story topping!  The thing is Xenia what I don't understand is what made you jump into the Birmingham canal on a cold night in November - the psychiatrist explained his wife would because she is crazy - what was your excuse?

 

To prove it, that his wife might not be "crazy" after all. (at least in comparison with myself).

 

Ok, seriously now: At the time, I felt that he provoked me (in my own opinion, even if he did not meant to). I was not exactly sober, but not blindly drunk either (not an excuse, but partly a reason to over-react). Plus: it seemed like a right thing to do in this particular time (or particular minute).

Edited by Xenia

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Second one:

 

Unfortunately this guy in this story passed away in 2012.

 

I had a 4 hours booking ( it was our very first appointment) in his house, which was a farm house in the countryside. After about 3 hours we gone outside, and because I am great lovers of horses, he told me that he is got two horse of his own. I was surprised that they still in the field at this time of the night. It was a warm night in the May/June though.

 

We walked to one of them bare feet of course, to take them back to the stables. He is approached the grey one and jumped on it. Then he gave me a hand and I jumped on it too, but other way around. So I was facing horse tail and sitting back to him. Before I could turn myself around, the horse bolted and started to kicking. (obviously she was not used for two people to sit on her back, especially one backward). We did kept for about  a min or so, but eventually he felt first. I felt about a minute or so later when the horse continue to legged it around the field.

Luckily nobody was hurt much, just few bruises. and covered in dirt. I was end up to stay for another day after, even if it was 4 hours booking originally. lol

 

It was our first a bit of disastrous meeting, seen him for the 5 years after. He was such a great guy, but not anymore with us. :-(

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I may have told this before. I was ready to lave a punt and the escort suggested I use the back entrance as the front door opened onto a busy street. And if  I walked down the garden and climbed over her wall  I could scramble through some rough ground to the car park. I replied that was even more of a silly getaway and went to the front door.

As I left the  doorway I tripped and fell flat on my face onto the pavement. A crowd gathered to help me and asking if  I was ok, as the chortling escort closed the door on me! Such a silent and discreet getaway.

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...great stories, love the Benny Hill music, I have to say, having a sense of humour is important in this game....that much I know .....

 

I always find a fanny fart funny - I don't have a sophisticate sense of humour and fart jokes can often do it for me (sorry)...but when a lady fanny farts that always has me in stitches ...mainly because the lady always is so mortified.....I enjoy it if she blames me for it.....that always cracks me up and completely puts me off my stride.  Funny that seldom does a lady take responsibility for her own fanny fart!!

 

Quite a few ladies have done this (must look at my technique :)) but I swear always makes me crack up and thankfully the lady also....

 

I don't mind a fanny fart in the slightest but my o my the look on the poor ladies faces! :)

 

That look of mortification and embarrassment (no need to be - only natural and better out than in, I always reassure them) - but guaranteed to crack me up and thankfully them also :)

 

Punting is so down to earth isn't :)

 

I would have thought this is normal and happening most of the time if the girl has the bum in the air and the guy keep going from behind vigorously: he is pumping air in at the same time, which will come out when the girl goes back to a normal vertical position.  Nevertheless, it cracks me up all the time too, the trick is to go horizontally first in order the air to delicately come out.......... my ex was an expert in advices  :D

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Wasn't funny at the time but I went to a pal's very posh house in London when his wife was away. Nothing was to be moved , damaged, put out of place etc as he would be bunched if the wife noticed on her return. What do I do but try to impress the escort by providing a huge candle for atmosphere which I duly knocked over thereby destroying very expensive curtains with candle wax !   It was a 5 hour booking , 4 of which were spent trying to erase the damage caused. 

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 "the escort suggested I use the back entrance"

 

Funny to my immature sense of humour!

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Wasn't funny at the time but I went to a pal's very posh house in London when his wife was away. Nothing was to be moved , damaged, put out of place etc as he would be bunched if the wife noticed on her return. What do I do but try to impress the escort by providing a huge candle for atmosphere which I duly knocked over thereby destroying very expensive curtains with candle wax !   It was a 5 hour booking , 4 of which were spent trying to erase the damage caused. 

 

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh, that is what happened to me: a guy left his shoes in the middle of the house instead of putting them in a corner near the rest of his stuff.  As I had a big candle in my hands I have not noticed his shoes, so I almost fell but I managed to balance myself in my 6 inches shoes but ripping the back of my lace dress and leaving red wax all over the floor.  At least I managed to clean and stitch everything nicely later......  

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Not exactly punting, but certainly punting related.

 

Last January I was flying back from Bangkok with Thai Airways,

 

At one point I went on a wander to kill time and stretch my legs. As I passed the galley I paused and asked one of the three lovely female cabin crew assembled there for a drink, but she misheard my order.

 

Of course, she immediately  apologised and, in what I think was one of my very rare instances of spontaneous wit, I replied

 

"No problem - you can keep is as your ladydrink".

 

Three pairs of eyes burned through to my very soul and I'll swear that, for a moment, the plane stopped in mid-air!

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