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D Driver

I Have Not Had Sex For 11 Years

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I have not had sex for 11 years, I am still only 44 and I am sure I should still have a sex life. My wife has a medical condition and is unable to have sex. I have started to think about buying sex as having an affair is too complicated, (and no oppertunities have ever come up anyhow) I am very affraid though I suppose in an irrational way. I am affraid that I am so starved of intamacy that I will fall in love with the first girl that I get with. I am also affraid of betraying my wife and the feeling of guilt. I guess its not her fault that she is unable to have a physical relationship with me. She says also she doesn't miss it at all but I however do. I am also afraid that I will make a fool of myself. I am aware that the girl has seen all and sundry and my performance is somewhat incidental to her but for me as a man I would not want nerves to overcome me and my masculinity and ego be damaged by a bad session. I have been looking at Annabellas in MK, Should I be open with the girl and tell her its been so long  or would that make me look foolish? Any recomnendations for a girl there thats calm and nice? Should I even not bother and a do without a sex life and save all the worry. There are only so many youtube videos that one can watch of an evening. ;)

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It could almost be me writing you post D Driver, although I'm a little older and went almost twice as long as your 11 years without in somewhat similar circumstances.

I had the same concerns as you and can honestly say that I've never been as nervous in my whole life as I was when I met my first wg! I also had (and still do to a lesser extent) similar feelings of guilt as I've never been one to cheat when in a relationship. However as one wg I trust and who is the only person who knows the full story said - is it really cheating when all you're doing is buying something your wife / partner can't give you? Sort of makes sense but I'm still not fully convinced.

Anyway if you're sure it's something you want to embark on, try not to stress too much and do what you're meant to do when you meet a wg - have fun! The nerves lessen over time obviously and the other thing is don't worry about your performance (or lack of!). Bizarrely, when I had a sex life I had real problems with premature ejaculation and once I started punting found the complete opposite! So expect the unexpected - and always remember whatever happens it won't be something the wg hasn't seen before.

I decided to see an independent girl for my first meeting, I'm sure others will have their own opinion about that but I wanted something as relaxed and unrushed as possible.

Punting has changed a lot of things for the better for me, I found I'd become very withdrawn in the company of women generally and am now far more confident. It's not good for the bank balance though!

Good luck whatever you decide ;)

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I think if you find a good independent girl and explain your position she will be sympathetic.

And what if yoyr first go isnt the best. There is go 2, 3, 4...........

And it gets better.

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When a wife or partner (and it seems almost always to be the woman) declines sex and states she is no longer interested...... why is there often no discussion between the two parties regarding what on earth the man will do without the sex..... when clearly he still needs it!!!

 

Many clients tell me this is the case and he subsequently finds his release with wgs.......

 

Do wives not think to themselves "I don't want it but he still does" or do they just shut off their minds to the whole subject?

 

It is quite unfair and blinkered of the women who assume just because they lose the physical need then their other halves will accept with a smile.

 

Cheating is still cheating though.... even with a wg.  If you are physically intimate with someone other than your partner.... how can it not be cheating unless you have the blessing to do so....

 

I hope the op makes the right decision for himself and has no regrets.  

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Denying your husband sex is also cheating, it's just that women never see it that way. I' m not saying the odd "no" but weeks, months and years of refusal is cheating

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Limited experience D Driver but I'll advise anyway.

 

I'd been a few years without when I started not long ago.

 

I'd also recommend an independent, to start with at least, and also someone not to far off your age group. i.e. over 30.

 

Also give some thought to what they say about themselves, you probably don't need a PSE, not at first anyway.  :)

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When a wife or partner (and it seems almost always to be the woman) declines sex and states she is no longer interested...... why is there often no discussion between the two parties regarding what on earth the man will do without the sex..... when clearly he still needs it!!!

 

Many clients tell me this is the case and he subsequently finds his release with wgs.......

 

Do wives not think to themselves "I don't want it but he still does" or do they just shut off their minds to the whole subject?

 

It is quite unfair and blinkered of the women who assume just because they lose the physical need then their other halves will accept with a smile.

 

Cheating is still cheating though.... even with a wg.  If you are physically intimate with someone other than your partner.... how can it not be cheating unless you have the blessing to do so....

 

I hope the op makes the right decision for himself and has no regrets.  

The reality is that for most men the conversation would not go well.  Not many wives would be saying "yes dear I can see now that I'm being unfair, you just go off and have some fun and don't worry about the money".

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When a wife or partner (and it seems almost always to be the woman) declines sex and states she is no longer interested...... why is there often no discussion between the two parties regarding what on earth the man will do without the sex..... when clearly he still needs it

Without going into too much detail in my case it wasn't exactly declined through her losing interest it all started with something that happened to her. Before it all became apparent to me what the problem was we did go through a difficult patch and she mentioned going our separate ways because she couldn't give me what I wanted - something which never even entered my head.

As regards cheating, well I agree it still is, but can see the logic of the point the wg made to me :blink:

I too hope the OP makes the right decision for him, I know from personal experience it's a big step to take. I certainly have no regrets about the choice I made - I feel I'd have probably regretted it more had I not given punting a try.

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Denying your husband sex is also cheating, it's just that women never see it that way. I' m not saying the odd "no" but weeks, months and years of refusal is cheating

No I disagree... that is not cheating at all.  

 

Being unfair maybe..... with a valid reason such as ill health or zero libido being a good enough reason to refuse sex but that should not be the end of things.

 

Wives can go off husbands if they have grown fat or stopped cleaning their lower bits (it is only the wife after all)  and husbands can go off wives if they have grown fat or stopped cleaning their lower bits (well it is only the husband after all)  ....... some wives "allow" a bit of sex once in a while just to keep him quiet....

 

Many more rhymes and reasons why it goes wrong........ but lack of communication is a biggie... whether to avoid hurt feelings..... arguments or something else I haven't thought of....... but it surprises me to hear how many couples have been together for 30 years and still do not talk about sex. or discuss any difficulties on that subject.

 

Easy for me to say I suppose.... I have no inhibitions at all.

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 If people on here tell him it's cheating  , then he isn't gonna get off the starting block is he ?    Look at it this way  , it's only cheating if you fall in love with another lady , so hold your hat on and try not to . The best way to avoid that is never go back to the same lady for a second visit .

 

  Having an active sex life is good for your health , don't let anyone tell you different , OP   . Think of yourself for a change and take what you want from life . We are not here all that long . 

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 If people on here tell him it's cheating  , then he isn't gonna get off the starting block is he ?    Look at it this way  , it's only cheating if you fall in love with another lady , so hold your hat on and try not to . The best way to avoid that is never go back to the same lady for a second visit .

 

  Having an active sex life is good for your health , don't let anyone tell you different , OP   . Think of yourself for a change and take what you want from life . We are not here all that long . 

 

 

Don't be silly.

 

Tens of thousands of men cheat and they do it with wgs..... myself included.

 

Don't delude yourselves.

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Denying your husband sex is also cheating, it's just that women never see it that way. I' m not saying the odd "no" but weeks, months and years of refusal is cheating

 

I somehow agree with you to a certain extent: I was in a relationship with a guy I gave up for everything.  Several months later I realised we did not have sex for quite some time.  To cut the long story short, we 'messed' around for quite some time until I decided to send the few items he had at my place to his flat.  I was so depressed it took me years to even look at a man.  When I came back to normal, I realised he was cheating on me, purely to experiment, hoping that I will wait for him to 'settle' down and have 'sex with others out of his system'.  Later he tried to come back, typical to all my ex partners, yet no way I would take him back.  No way, Jose............

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Don't be silly.

 

Tens of thousands of men cheat and they do it with wgs..... myself included.

 

Don't delude yourselves.

 

 

 

 

 Thank you .   But I don't see it as cheating . Maybe that's why I have been doing it all my life , through 2 marriages  .  Sex is a physical act , you know this , love is an emotional commitment . Sex and love are two completely different things .

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I somehow agree with you to a certain extent: I was in a relationship with a guy I gave up for everything.  Several months later I realised we did not have sex for quite some time.  To cut the long story short, we 'messed' around for quite some time until I decided to send the few items he had at my place to his flat.  I was so depressed it took me years to even look at a man.  When I came back to normal, I realised he was cheating on me, purely to experiment, hoping that I will wait for him to 'settle' down and have 'sex with others out of his system'.  Later he tried to come back, typical to all my ex partners, yet no way I would take him back.  No way, Jose............

 

 

 that's what you get for messing round with Spanish men . 

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 that's what you get for messing round with Spanish men . 

 

What?  What Spanish men?  

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Ladies who will be super nice and understanding to you and not dive on you at Annabellea's, no one better than Peace. Cute lovely body sweet but i have heard her speak so nicely about her gentlemen.

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What?  What Spanish men?  

 

 

 

   Jose'        Spanish christian name  , you're a bit slow today , honey .

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   Jose'        Spanish christian name  , you're a bit slow today , honey .

 

Ah, that, is just an expression 'babe'

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Mind you, I am a bit slow since last week, since I have this annoying dizziness, I wonder if there is something in the air?

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D Driver,

1. Yes, tell her about it. In general termms - not the detail. She doesn't need to know it all.

2. Expect to be nervous and excited in equal measure.

3. Let her lead. Let her set the 'pace' of the date. She will guide you.

4. Bring her a present - when she kisses you a 'thank you' kiss her back!

5. From there it really is just the normal 'boy meets girl' process. Not any different - just a more accelerated timeline and more of a certainty.

6. Don't try to 'perform', instead if you conciouslt attempt anything then try to relax.

7. It's not a time for seriousness, it is a time for fun, pleasure, relaxation.

8. Give yourself plenty of time. A slightly longer date. Don't rush.

9. Performance: Don'tDon't expect yours to be stellar. If it then that's a bonus.

10. It gets better and better - especially with a regular partner.

P.

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Thank you .   But I don't see it as cheating . Maybe that's why I have been doing it all my life , through 2 marriages  .  Sex is a physical act , you know this , love is an emotional commitment . Sex and love are two completely different things .

If you have sex with someone other than your partner then you're cheating WP, however you try and dress it up! Yes sex with a wg is a physical rather than emotional act but it's still cheating. IMO the OP needs to take that into account, along with the possible consequences, before he commits to his first punt.

That's what I did from a similar starting point to the OP, and in my case I decided the risks were worth the reward. That's something only the OP can decide for himself.

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To the OP - my two cents for what it's worth

 

1) Your desire to have sex outside your marriage given your situation as described is fully justified

 

2) Don't be under the delusion it's not cheating. Having sex with someone other than your partner without their knowledge is cheating.

 

3) The problem we as a society have reconciling 1) and 2) is because of social conventions and norms around monogamy, which is basically unnatural over the long term. 

 

4) However, the fact is most people think the way they do due to the way we are brought up, so should you decide to go down the punting route, think through the consequences of your wife finding out very carefully. Will she be upset or will she forgive you? Will she understand you're fulfilling a physical need and not emotionally distancing yourself? Will she divorce you? Do you have children who will be affected? Will your financial situation be affected? 

 

5) You will probably feel guilt but guilt will reduce over time and punting will become part of your routine. This might lead to emotional detachment from your wife to a certain extent while it is bound to reduce overall tension in the marriage because your physical needs are being met. But it should be far less complicated than having an affair.

 

6) You will not fall in love with the first girl you meet - if that's your fear, you are possibly concerned about more than physical intimacy and need to answer for yourself whether the marriage is satisfying in other ways aside from physical intimacy. Don't visit the same girl twice, try different girls and you will anyway avoid the problem to a large extent. 

 

7) If guilt levels are high, will you be tempted to confess to your wife? Do not ever confess if you have the slightest doubt that she may respond in ways that you cannot predict (which is inevitable). 

 

8) Don't worry about sexual performance - all WGs worth their salt have seen it all, things which you cannot even conceive of, and good WGs are very professional no matter what your situation is. Expect suboptimal performance in your early punting life and expect an evolution of your sexual preferences and the kind of women you feel like having sex with. 

 

Don't go down the punting route without being very sure. Good luck whatever you decide. 

Edited by Gandalfthewhite
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I have never let myself go, I am not fat and I keep fit. I held down my job and did all the housework so my fat, unfit wife would not be too tired for sex. I was taken for a mug and that is cheating. Promising sex, promising to improve the sex life and then doing nothing is cheating. Wives want it both ways, to fuck up the narried sex life and nail the " cheating bastard" if he dares to look elsewhere.

Sorry, I will take my pills and go into a darkened room until the rants stop

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Promising sex, promising to improve the sex life and then doing nothing is cheating. 

 

Agree that it's dishonest but the difference is that her behaviour is explicit, not covert and she's effectively allowing you to choose whether you're ok with her behaviour or not

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Agree that it's dishonest but the difference is that her behaviour is explicit, not covert and she's effectively allowing you to choose whether you're ok with her behaviour or not

Its still a dishonest choice though.

 

In this instance, because its a medical issue then its not dishonest but if it was just a case of a wife no longer wanting sex then her husband has the choice of 

 

a) living a sexless life

B) carving up his family home, family, possibly losing his childrens respect, financial carving etc, possibly losing friends because they always take a side.

 

What sort of choice in all honesty its that. End you happy life as you know it and that of your children or live a life with a sex drive and  no sex

 

No sex is not the b all and end all but every woman knows that men want it even if they dont. Its extremely malicious for a wife to tell her husband she no longer wants sex and he can like it or lump it. 

 

She knows if she tells him she doesnt want it but will be happy to service him once a week or so that guilt will probably prevent him from approaching her as he doest want her to feel she has to do something she doesnt want to do.

 

Its just plain mean.

 

Medical and mental issues aside obviously.

 

If its a case of she wants sex but not with him then she should woman up and divorce him not let him become the source of the issue by seeking sex elsewhere. Lets be honest, the man would be demonised wouldnt he if he initiated a divorce over lack of sex or because he was caught having a ten years of celibacy desperation shag with some woman down the road for free or not. 

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