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Lynn

The Sublime To The Ridiculous

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....... perhaps the ridiculous to the ridiculous!

 

I thought I would ask the ladies (men feel free too) to share bizarre requests and/or just unreasonable and impossible to fulfil ideas from unknown men.

 

I had 3 already this last fortnight...... although I don't tend to get many at all.

 

1, Would I do a five minute hand job for £15              I did not reply to the text

 

2. How much would I charge for a stag do with maximum of 15 guys           I replied it would be £1000 per head (pun alert ) paid into my bank the day before.        It was not meant to be serious but am awaiting a response so I could yet make a killing......   :wacko:  :D

 

3.  Would  I be wearing a blindfold when opening the door and do the whole session without seeing him.................

 

that last one...... I am counting the minutes until he arrives at 1pm................

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I literally have had sane people only lately, well, other than the guy who phoned, made a three hour booking then decided to let me know half an hour before the appointment when he was well on his way that he has a biggish cock and fucks really hard so often the condoms break but its okay because he has a new gum clinic certificate. He really couldnt understand why I cancelled on him under the "we are not compatible" clause because had he said that at the time of booking I wouldnt have taken the booking in the first place and then gave me a belly laugh by trying to demand I give him some money towards the petrol he had used. Considering he told me the day before that he was in MK anyway what did he expect me to give him? 80p? 

 

I did consider telling him that I would give him back some petrol money out of the three hour fee he owed me for wasting my time but my enthusiasm didnt stretch to answering his text.

 

Im still wondering what part of mk he could possibly have been in to have been "well on his way" half an hour before the booking, even MK isnt THAT big.

 

oh hang on, remembered another

 

Silly man booked a nuru last week, arrived, came in, all smiles, kiss at the door, took him into the bedroom and as soon as he clapped eyes on the Nuru sheet he bottled it and gave me the "forgot the wallet" excuse then texted me ten minutes after I saw him RUNNING down my hallway through the spy hole in my door. I know its PVC but its pink ffs, how scary can something be when its pink???

Edited by Chloe Kisses
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He probably saw the pink sheet and knew a guy dressed as batman was waiting in the wardrobe, Chloe.

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 We all know pink is gay , so you probably had your gay buddy hiding in the wardrobe waiting to join in .  I would have looked at that as a bit of a challenge especially if you could get your gay friend to dress school girl .  

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My oddest request was that we roleplay being a farmer and his wife and could I wear a wax jacket and wellington boots. He would bring a sack of compost and we would roll around in it. 

 

I declined. 

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He probably saw the pink sheet and knew a guy dressed as batman was waiting in the wardrobe, Chloe.

 

 We all know pink is gay , so you probably had your gay buddy hiding in the wardrobe waiting to join in .  I would have looked at that as a bit of a challenge especially if you could get your gay friend to dress school girl .  

Men secure in their own sexuality have no fear of pink  ^_^

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My oddest request was that we roleplay being a farmer and his wife and could I wear a wax jacket and wellington boots. He would bring a sack of compost and we would roll around in it. 

 

I declined. 

ugh...

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My oddest request was that we roleplay being a farmer and his wife and could I wear a wax jacket and wellington boots. He would bring a sack of compost and we would roll around in it. 

 

I declined. 

 

 

At least he didn't say he'd bring a sack of fresh manure.

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Men secure in their own sexuality have no fear of pink  ^_^

Yeah, they're the gay ones too. :D

Edited by Prince Charlie
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Chloe - could I see for an hour next Tuesday. My only free time is my lunch hour and I am performing in a surrealist musical in the West End, so will be dressed as a banana (I won't have time to get changed before the afternoon matinee) Would this be alright? And Lynn, I'm a bus driver and the no.22 stops outside your apartment. Could I nip in for a short-time appointment? I will sabotage the bus beforehand so that it breaks down and so will have about 30 mins. to spare. While I am there I'd like you to be an awkward customer and argue with me about the fare. 

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....... perhaps the ridiculous to the ridiculous!

 

I thought I would ask the ladies (men feel free too) to share bizarre requests and/or just unreasonable and impossible to fulfil ideas from unknown men.

 

I had 3 already this last fortnight...... although I don't tend to get many at all.

 

1, Would I do a five minute hand job for £15              I did not reply to the text

 

2. How much would I charge for a stag do with maximum of 15 guys           I replied it would be £1000 per head (pun alert ) paid into my bank the day before.        It was not meant to be serious but am awaiting a response so I could yet make a killing......   :wacko:  :D

 

3.  Would  I be wearing a blindfold when opening the door and do the whole session without seeing him.................

 

that last one...... I am counting the minutes until he arrives at 1pm................

Ah I received the Stag Do email yesterday.

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would one of you girls dress up as a nun and i will dress as a clown.  then if you go on top it will look like its virgin on the reduculous.

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Ah I received the Stag Do email yesterday.

Well that's clearly ridiculous - you're a woman!!! :confused:

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Silly man booked a nuru last week, arrived, came in, all smiles, kiss at the door, took him into the bedroom and as soon as he clapped eyes on the Nuru sheet he bottled it and gave me the "forgot the wallet" excuse then texted me ten minutes after I saw him RUNNING down my hallway through the spy hole in my door. I know its PVC but its pink ffs, how scary can something be when its pink???

 

LMAO what a friggin muppet!

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would one of you girls dress up as a nun and i will dress as a clown.  then if you go on top it will look like its virgin on the reduculous.

 

I have already stated I do not give appointments to circus folk !  

 

:blink:

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Here's one for you,

A client called wanting me to bring wax strips and wax every hair on his body, then force him to eat his hair... I didn't know what to say to that one so I out the phone down LOL

Another one where I was emailed and asked if he could have a two hour booking he wanted one hour to be pure oral on him and he wanted a facial, I thought okay that's fine, then he sends another email stating he wants a facial and then he wants me to walk out in public with his cum on my face....

:o

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My oddest request was that we roleplay being a farmer and his wife and could I wear a wax jacket and wellington boots. He would bring a sack of compost and we would roll around in it. 

 

I declined.

I think he was stood next to me at the bus stop the other day.

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A client asking to put peanuts up my anus ,,, i get all the oddballs

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Chloe - could I see for an hour next Tuesday. My only free time is my lunch hour and I am performing in a surrealist musical in the West End, so will be dressed as a banana (I won't have time to get changed before the afternoon matinee) Would this be alright? And Lynn, I'm a bus driver and the no.22 stops outside your apartment. Could I nip in for a short-time appointment? I will sabotage the bus beforehand so that it breaks down and so will have about 30 mins. to spare. While I am there I'd like you to be an awkward customer and argue with me about the fare. 

OMG, I needed a chuckle this morning as I got up and the repair I had my hot water boiler yesterday hasn't worked. This has so made me laugh, thankyou.

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I'm not so much getting oddballs at the moment but I have got this guy who texts 'cos he's toooooo shy to call.

I've had umpteen texts over the last couple of days and kinda snapped yesterday and called him. He didn't answer of course but I left a voicemail saying very politely that if he is tooooo shy to call, He certainly ain't gonna book. Also his texts say that he's always been resolute that he 'won't visit someone like me' Whilst I'm pretty thick skinned, I do have feelings and said in the voicemail that I don't smell, I don't have horns or a tail and I don't just come out at night.

He then text to say that my voicemail turned him 'cos I sounded dominant like his Auntie used to. Oh my life!  :wacko:

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I'm not so much getting oddballs at the moment but I have got this guy who texts 'cos he's toooooo shy to call.

I've had umpteen texts over the last couple of days and kinda snapped yesterday and called him. He didn't answer of course but I left a voicemail saying very politely that if he is tooooo shy to call, He certainly ain't gonna book. Also his texts say that he's always been resolute that he 'won't visit someone like me' Whilst I'm pretty thick skinned, I do have feelings and said in the voicemail that I don't smell, I don't have horns or a tail and I don't just come out at night.

He then text to say that my voicemail turned him 'cos I sounded dominant like his Auntie used to. Oh my life!  :wacko:

Ah yes the tooooo shy texts. I've had my six monthly 'sorry about the text, got to text because I'm married and need to be discrete' SMS.

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I hope the guy who this refers to doesn't read this because he is actually lovely and he has booked again. I do think his request was slightly strange. Or maybe its just me. During our appointment he asked if he could get his stethoscope out and listen to his heart beat and then listened to mine, I told him he wouldn't find one and to be honest I think he did have trouble listening for mine. I do worry though in case he does have a medical condition he hadn't told me about and was giving himself a check up. Last time he booked he cancelled because of a hospital appointment, that's what made me think it may be more than a strange request.

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A client asking to put peanuts up my anus ,,, i get all the oddballs

 

salted or dry roasted ?

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