scubadiver007

Performance Anxiety / Relaxing

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I saw Emma from Butterfly Touch earlier this year (and she has updated pics btw) which was my second. The gap between the first and this one has been two years due to confidence problems.

 

I have been a lot more choosy and careful about who I booked. Though Emma was brilliant I wasn't quite in the place I wanted to be mentally. She said "you need to relax" which didn't help.

 

What tips do you have regarding relaxation and anxiety? Would any of you suggest I buy some pills? I don't want to go to the doctor.

 

I am currently in quite a low-paid position and can't really afford to do it again for the forseeable future (unless I get the job I am being interviewed for this thursday!)

 

Thanks

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difficult one because as you say its expensive for you so every punt matters. Some punt enough that we can take the odd one that doesnt go well on the chin so the realaxng thing doesnt matter.

but that didnt help much did it.  except sympathy...

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I saw Emma from Butterfly Touch earlier this year (and she has updated pics btw) which was my second. The gap between the first and this one has been two years due to confidence problems.

I have been a lot more choosy and careful about who I booked. Though Emma was brilliant I wasn't quite in the place I wanted to be mentally. She said "you need to relax" which didn't help.

What tips do you have regarding relaxation and anxiety? Would any of you suggest I buy some pills? I don't want to go to the doctor.

I am currently in quite a low-paid position and can't really afford to do it again for the forseeable future (unless I get the job I am being interviewed for this thursday!)

Thanks

Hi,

Reading your last paragraph my advice would bé not to punt for the forseeable future as it is clear money matters and that it is required for more important things...besides, the gap my do you good and you can look forward to it as some kind of treat to yourself...

As for performance anxiety a bad lifestyle never helps ( this is coming from someone who has/is burning the candle at both ends).

Anyway, good luck on all fronts!!!

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Practice relaxation techniques at home eg breathing and yoga. Also its about being mentally prepared dont see this as a big event and it really dont matter in scheme of things

Maybe a drink will help

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I am currently in quite a low-paid position and can't really afford to do it again for the forseeable future (unless I get the job I am being interviewed for this thursday!)

Thanks

Think this highlights the main issue - youre over thinking things. Dont even worry about it until it becomes a possibility/probability.

When the time comes just try to think of the situation for exactly what it is - a mutual exchange between two consenting adults.

Edited by Berbs

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Scuba divers 007,

You don't state what symptom the anxiety is producing?

Typically anxiety / stress will release a hormone into your blood stream which will constrict your blood vessels and make it more difficult to achieve or maintain an erection. Is that the problem?

Also taking anti anxiety medication will typically produce side effects that lower your libido. Are you on medication for stress / anxiety?

If you do not suffer from either of the above would suggest that you try to find a girl who you can spend time with simply being intimate. Slowly, slowly, slowly would be expensive if you were paying for her time - so a girlfriend would be better.

If a girlfriend is not a viable alternative would suggest that you try massages, and work your way up from therapeutic massages, through to more intimate massages (happy enfings), to a body - body massage that ends in sex.

Lastly, ask yourself if the advice at such sites as, rebootblueprint, might apply to you personally or not.

Don't beat yourself up, and don't keep putting yourself in situations where you will fail. Slowly gain confidence and let nature take its course.

P.

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Practice relaxation techniques at home eg breathing and yoga. Also its about being mentally prepared dont see this as a big event and it really dont matter in scheme of things

Maybe a drink will help

With alcohol being a depressent it probably wouldn't be for the best if he did

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I saw Emma from Butterfly Touch earlier this year (and she has updated pics btw) which was my second. The gap between the first and this one has been two years due to confidence problems.

 

I have been a lot more choosy and careful about who I booked. Though Emma was brilliant I wasn't quite in the place I wanted to be mentally. She said "you need to relax" which didn't help.

 

What tips do you have regarding relaxation and anxiety? Would any of you suggest I buy some pills? I don't want to go to the doctor.

 

I am currently in quite a low-paid position and can't really afford to do it again for the forseeable future (unless I get the job I am being interviewed for this thursday!)

 

Thanks

Reading this part of your post I'd say don't even think about performance or punting until you see if you can save a punting fund with disposable income, making sure every single other expense you have (including any other leisure activities) is taken care of first. As a rule of thumb my punting fund consisted of 2 punts worth of savings. Then I'd punt and not punt again until the fund was topped up. Have to say I've not exactly practised what I preach in more recent times, but am slowly getting back on track!

Having financial concerns also creates pressure, which can add to performance worries.

Good luck for your interview :)

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Performance anxiety can be a self defeating problem, the more you worry, the problem compounds itself.

 

As others have said, if you can get into a situation where you have some disposable income to spend without causing yourself worry, I would recommend trying to find a girl you feel relaxed with and then see the same girl consecutively, this should help you feel more relaxed and gain more confidence. If you felt comfortable with Emma then maybe see her a few more times, you won't be as nervous as the first time.

 

My punting career started with a couple of punts that didn't go exactly to plan for a number of reasons, until I found Libby from Maxes who, being an ex nurse, had an excellent bedroom manner and really helped me with my confidence issues.

 

Also, try and avoid alcohol for a few days before, and don't overthink it in the build up to the meeting, it's better to go into the booking with an open mind and maybe a few ideas of things that you might want to try.

Edited by Epiphone56

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Do some research into 'mindfulness'. It really helps with so many things. Live in the moment not the past or the future. 

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One thing about anxiety and punting

The girl doesnt care. You are not trying to jmpress her. Cos when you leave she wont give you a second thought.And its a strong possibility you wont ever meet her again.

Unless you have a very nice time and you see her again so she becomes a regular. The relationship is slightly different then.

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Its normal for men to experience sexual anxiety from time to time so please do not beat yourself up. For the short term you could look at taking a herbal remedy such as St Johns Wort which does not have any side effects. Do your research on the herb before going down that path.

 

Long term do you have any female friends ?. Learn to relax and immerse yourself in a woman's feminine energy. Sit down with women and do not be afraid of having long intimate conversations with them. 

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Some good advice already, sorry to hear about your situation. Pills are not always the answer especially if your problem is more psychological than physical, I've never used Butterfly Touch but from what I recall their not cheap, they offer a range of services as well don't they, massage with presumably HE and full service - which did you choose. Perhaps when you can afford to punt again go for a cheaper option so you can maybe have two punts instead of one so the focus isn't on that one meet.

 

Best of luck.

Edited by Maze

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Scuba divers 007,

You don't state what symptom the anxiety is producing?

Typically anxiety / stress will release a hormone into your blood stream which will constrict your blood vessels and make it more difficult to achieve or maintain an erection. Is that the problem?

Also taking anti anxiety medication will typically produce side effects that lower your libido. Are you on medication for stress / anxiety?

If you do not suffer from either of the above would suggest that you try to find a girl who you can spend time with simply being intimate. Slowly, slowly, slowly would be expensive if you were paying for her time - so a girlfriend would be better.

If a girlfriend is not a viable alternative would suggest that you try massages, and work your way up from therapeutic massages, through to more intimate massages (happy enfings), to a body - body massage that ends in sex.

Lastly, ask yourself if the advice at such sites as, rebootblueprint, might apply to you personally or not.

Don't beat yourself up, and don't keep putting yourself in situations where you will fail. Slowly gain confidence and let nature take its course.

P.

that's hilarious - a nice girlfriend is nearly always viable if you can get one - otherwise it's pay up time

 

not much point in paying though if you cant get it up

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You may think you've found a good one in emma - yet you cant relax.

 

It took me a few goes to find someone I was really into - that can be they key - mother nature will kick in when you find the real right one

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Humphrey Bogart coached Lauren Bacall about fluffing scenes. He said that she took the scene in isolation and over played it. He told her the character was doing something before the scene and is going somewhere after.

Maybe the guy needs to do the same, treat the day as a whole in which he will get laid. I plan my train trip, I get my coffee and bun at the station and I walk to the apartment. Then huge coitus.

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I saw Emma from Butterfly Touch earlier this year (and she has updated pics btw) which was my second. The gap between the first and this one has been two years due to confidence problems.

 

I have been a lot more choosy and careful about who I booked. Though Emma was brilliant I wasn't quite in the place I wanted to be mentally. She said "you need to relax" which didn't help.

 

What tips do you have regarding relaxation and anxiety? Would any of you suggest I buy some pills? I don't want to go to the doctor.

 

I am currently in quite a low-paid position and can't really afford to do it again for the forseeable future (unless I get the job I am being interviewed for this thursday!)

 

Thanks

 

I always think that relaxing starts with saying "I'm really nervous" and taking away the extra pressure of having to pretend that you aren't. If you're spending time with the right lady, she should hopefully be understanding!

 

Some people find pills helpful. You can herbal varieties that won't require a trip to the doctor. Some people swear by them, others don't find them especially useful. 

 

I really recommend starting with low expectations and working your way up, and I've found that it works. 

 

When someone comes to me and says that they just can't relax during sex I suggest putting expectation to one side. If all you can think about it 'am I going to manage to get hard and stay hard?', it's a recipe for disaster. Managing penetrative sex can become the 'be-all-and-end-all' and if it doesn't happen then the whole thing is deemed a failure. What a ridiculous amount of pressure. Penetration is nice, lots of people enjoy it a great deal, but there are other ways to enjoy each other - so start there. Sometimes I make an agreement with a client that we're going to assume that he probably won't get hard, and we're not going to whip out a condom and attempt sex the moment there's an erection (because it's bound to vanish if you try that, trust me.) We agree isn't going to be the focus of things, and we'll see what kind of pleasures we can enjoy together and how it goes. Strangely enough, when you take the pressure off like that, things become more enjoyable, and the body tends to respond more naturally because you're not focusing so intensely on your own performance. And once you've managed to relax like that a couple of times, there's a certain confidence that comes with it. It's not such a big deal any more. Hard-ons aren't so hard anymore when it doesn't feel like the end of the world if you can't get one.

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I always think that relaxing starts with saying "I'm really nervous" and taking away the extra pressure of having to pretend that you aren't. If you're spending time with the right lady, she should hopefully be understanding!

 

Some people find pills helpful. You can herbal varieties that won't require a trip to the doctor. Some people swear by them, others don't find them especially useful. 

 

I really recommend starting with low expectations and working your way up, and I've found that it works. 

 

When someone comes to me and says that they just can't relax during sex I suggest putting expectation to one side. If all you can think about it 'am I going to manage to get hard and stay hard?', it's a recipe for disaster. Managing penetrative sex can become the 'be-all-and-end-all' and if it doesn't happen then the whole thing is deemed a failure. What a ridiculous amount of pressure. Penetration is nice, lots of people enjoy it a great deal, but there are other ways to enjoy each other - so start there. Sometimes I make an agreement with a client that we're going to assume that he probably won't get hard, and we're not going to whip out a condom and attempt sex the moment there's an erection (because it's bound to vanish if you try that, trust me.) We agree isn't going to be the focus of things, and we'll see what kind of pleasures we can enjoy together and how it goes. Strangely enough, when you take the pressure off like that, things become more enjoyable, and the body tends to respond more naturally because you're not focusing so intensely on your own performance. And once you've managed to relax like that a couple of times, there's a certain confidence that comes with it. It's not such a big deal any more. Hard-ons aren't so hard anymore when it doesn't feel like the end of the world if you can't get one.

Excellent advice. Nothing I could add to improve it!

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Excellent advice. Nothing I could add to improve it!

Superb comment!

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My anxiety attacks started when an ex used to bully me all the time if he did not like my dress etc.  Ever since I noticed I am always apprehensive when meeting new people, so having a long conversation prior in order to relax and get to know that person really helps.  I still am anxious but joking and laughing does wonders to me: after all I am meeting a human being.....  If the other person does not like me, I always think: 'well, good luck mate in finding Ms Perfect' (which does not exist).

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"we'll see what kind of pleasures we can enjoy together and how it goes" by CuriousRose

Beautifully put and so true......

Take time for all things; great haste makes great waste!

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"we'll see what kind of pleasures we can enjoy together and how it goes" by CuriousRose

Beautifully put and so true......

Take time for all things; great haste makes great waste!

and have you seen her web page gallery - phew. the best on here I've seen in years but beyond my price range

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and have you seen her web page gallery - phew. the best on here I've seen in years but beyond my price range

Out of my price range too, I'm afraid. The cost of one hour with her(which I am sure would be great) would pay for at least 2 visits to my regular!!

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Hey ...I felt sorry reading your post. I know it sounds cliche, but do not base your confidence on something so silly. I do not think us women judge so harshly on something like that. This is one small aspect of you. I know that all men want to be the most amazing beasts in bed, but the truth is that most men are  not. Same as with most women. We are flawed creatures. Sex is for your enjoyment and pleasure also for procreation, not to win medals as the best fuck athlete in the world. Men overfocus on winning the gold medal in fucking.

 

I am not sure if this will console you, but everyone who has paid me for sex has lasted less than 3-4 minutes, but this has never made me think less of that person. Hugs :)

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