MySecretLife

Do You Have Dreams/nightmares About Being Found Out?

56 posts in this topic

Despite being 35 years old and having lived in my current home and away from the family home for years, I often dream that I am back there trying to entertain clients while my parents are supposedly out, there is almost always a complication upon which it turns into an absolute farce with myself and often my sisters too trying to hide my lovers in various parts of the house* and garden** when my parents come home unexpectedly. We/I then try to smuggle them out unnoticed or introduce them as some one else (with my parents being very suspicious) or very occasionally actually get away with it!

 

I'm absolutely certain that these dreams are a reflection of the fact that I worry about my parents finding out what I really do for a living (rather than an unrequited desire for age play as I am as I am now in my dreams!) does anyone else have strange dreams like this about what we get up to!?

 

* in the attic, under the stairs, in cupboards, showers, wardrobes and under beds; sometimes in my parents very own bedroom!

**  in sheds, behind sheds, over the fence, in the next door neighbours gardens and once under a large but very obvious piece of tarpaulin!

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I have had a similar dream like this before lol how strange! I think it is some sort of deep set paranoia about it.

To be honest I think my parents would be fine with it, well my mom more so, I can't ever see a dad being okay with it lol! Thing is I was outed about 6 months into escorting someone used my face picture on a random website called Mingle and said I was an escort and my moms friend found it and called her up lol!

The worst part is the day this happened and the day she asked me I was about to go out to meet a client! I had to lie and say I was seeing a friend haha! But since that day she occasionally makes jokes here and there when I've come in from a night out or even a late booking and it will be something like "Have you been giving blow jobs" one was "How much you made tonight then" and then she laughs LOL. So I do think she has an incline or deep down probably has a feeling I'm doing it.

We had a conversation not long ago about porn and sex work and she said if she was younger she would do it and that if I ever wanted to do it she would be rooting for me, something like why not make money from pleasure. So I do think she either knows or thinks she does. But I won't tell lol!

It is hard keeping a secret especially when only a couple people know what you do!

Edited by TightYoungEbony

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Yes I've had this dream a few times! I always feel very awkward when I wake up afterwards. Like you, I am me as I am now in my dreams, and it's always the same scenario of smuggling a client in whilst the coast is clear and then trying to sneak them out. I've often wondered what my dream could possibly be trying to tell me, as both of my parents already know that I'm an escort.

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I always wake up and wonder where I am for a few minutes - it's odd!

 

Interesting that you have it too, even though your parents know... maybe it's not as simple as I thought .. any psychoanalysts out there!?

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I have had a similar dream like this before lol how strange! I think it is some sort of deep set paranoia about it.

To be honest I think my parents would be fine with it, well my mom more so, I can't ever see a dad being okay with it lol! Thing is I was outed about 6 months into escorting someone used my face picture on a random website called Mingle and said I was an escort and my moms friend found it and called her up lol!

The worst part is the day this happened and the day she asked me I was about to go out to meet a client! I had to lie and say I was seeing a friend haha! But since that day she occasionally makes jokes here and there when I've come in from a night out or even a late booking and it will be something like "Have you been giving blow jobs" one was "How much you made tonight then" and then she laughs LOL. So I do think she has an incline or deep down probably has a feeling I'm doing it.

We had a conversation not long ago about porn and sex work and she said if she was younger she would do it and that if I ever wanted to do it she would be rooting for me, something like why not make money from pleasure. So I do think she either knows or thinks she does. But I won't tell lol!

It is hard keeping a secret especially when only a couple people know what you do!

 

I suspect my parents might know ... they've interrogated my poor siblings a few times ... but I think it's one thing suspecting and another thing definitely knowing ... not sure they'd like it much, they've very traditional/old school.

It is hard keeping such a big secret!

Edited by MySecretLife

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I suspect my parents might know ... they've interrogated my poor siblings a few times ... but I think it's one thing suspecting and another thing definitely knowing ... not sure they'd like it much, they've very traditional/old school.

Yeah I agree, they may have an incline but it's different to 100% knowing! X

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I realise that this has been a ladies' thread so far but yes, as a punter I've had this

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I've never had a dream about it, but back when I had a day job, I actually got found out. Like, I made the mistake of saying something about it to someone I trusted while a coworker was (unknowingly) in earshot and it made it's way back to my boss. He cornered me about it and asked a bunch of really ugly invasive questions and acted like it would somehow get out and affect the reputation of the company.

 

Interestingly enough, what I thought was a worst case scenario turned out to not actually be the end of the world. Don't get it wrong, it was awful, but in the end nothing much happened. I didn't lose my job. They didn't do anything. They never even brought it up again. I felt like my privacy was massively violated and I didn't want to be alone with that boss ever again, but it could have been much worse, I reckon. 

 

In the end, when I left that job, I felt so much relief. 

 

I don't worry so much about my family finding out. I kinda told my mom and sister on my own and they are pretty chill about it. :)

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Im a lucky one where all my family close friends and partner know, best thing i ever did was telling them :)

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My partner knows, my friends know, my siblings know ... maybe I should just go ahead and tell my parents?

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I've never had a dream about it, but back when I had a day job, I actually got found out. Like, I made the mistake of saying something about it to someone I trusted while a coworker was (unknowingly) in earshot and it made it's way back to my boss. He cornered me about it and asked a bunch of really ugly invasive questions and acted like it would somehow get out and affect the reputation of the company.

 

Interestingly enough, what I thought was a worst case scenario turned out to not actually be the end of the world. Don't get it wrong, it was awful, but in the end nothing much happened. I didn't lose my job. They didn't do anything. They never even brought it up again. I felt like my privacy was massively violated and I didn't want to be alone with that boss ever again, but it could have been much worse, I reckon. 

 

In the end, when I left that job, I felt so much relief. 

 

I don't worry so much about my family finding out. I kinda told my mom and sister on my own and they are pretty chill about it. :)

 

So sorry to hear about how you got found out :( that must have been so hard, glad it worked out in the end though x

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My partner knows, my friends know, my siblings know ... maybe I should just go ahead and tell my parents?

I know it's stating the obvious, but it's something someone said to me back when I first started escorting and was considering who to tell...once you tell someone you can't untell them. When I reminded myself of that I decided against telling most who I was thinking of telling. Recently one of my sisters found out (I never wanted this sister to know as I knew she wouldn't get it. She is creepy and for no reason had an inkling and trawled websites until she found me) and she outed me to many family members who I never ever would've told. The funny thing was that she stormed into my mothers work place and announced it to her, only for darling mother to say "I know", then the same happened with my father. Feeling defeated she's been busy gossiping to anyone who'll listen. It's backfired as those who I am closest to feel sorry for me and think she's an utter bitch. You do feel violated when people know who you'd prefer didn't, so ask yourself how you'd feel knowing that your parents will always be in the know, should you go ahead with telling them.

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What an interesting thread! As a widowed punter I haven't really had this problem although I wouldn't want my daughter to know. But sorry, no dreams! To those who have told their partner/family/friends. At what stage did you tell them? Before the event? After the first punt or later?

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I always wake up and wonder where I am for a few minutes - it's odd!

 

Interesting that you have it too, even though your parents know... maybe it's not as simple as I thought .. any psychoanalysts out there!?

 

Everyone asks me if my degree was studying this.  To summarise it, you are experiencing this at this moment in time because of the high guilt - nothing wrong with it as it makes you human, sensitive and prone to understanding better your environment.......... or covering your tracks.  I did not read everything you wrote, but it looks like your sisters know about it and sympathise with you.  In time you will feel more relaxed.  

 

Try to have a conversation about this with somebody who could help you and in time your dreams will stop: not talking about it does not make it better.

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...To those who have told their partner/family/friends. At what stage did you tell them? Before the event? After the first punt or later?

I told my parents before I started. I didn't care much as to what my father thought, he just happened to know because I was openly talking to my mother. I wanted my mums blessing, and without it I wouldn't have gone ahead and started working. At least if she acted in absolute horror it's not like I'd already done it, so it'd just have gone down as nothing more than a crazy idea. I think for those telling people that they are working they are best off using a buffer before telling all, like starting off saying they're experimenting with sugar daddies or working as a stripper, then if that's reciprocated well then perhaps reveal more closer to the truth.

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...oh I do enjoy a little 'dream analysis' - I just did a course reading Freud in the raw so to speak (a Freudian slip if every there was one) - I read Freud from source on dream analysis and it was fascinating I have to say - although these days there is a fair bit of Freud bashing, I rather liked him ...he isn't very much in vogue but clearly he was on the money in many areas and certainly clocked that sex plays a key part in our neurosis, psychosis and paranoia.

 

One thing I read which has helped me - is that he encouraged his patients to 'enjoy their symptoms' - and waking in the middle of the night, a feeling of dread (in the early hours of the morning), a sense of being exposed, found out, humiliated, destroyed, shamed and so on, I have experienced all of these, are all symptoms for me of punting.

 

But this is the thing for me - I enjoy having a secret life and njoy punting - I love the novelty, the variety, the subversive and transgressive element - Freud would enjoy me as a patient - I have insight ha ha ha..but I also enjoy risk, adrenaline rush, fear and weirdly a sense of dread of being found out and exposed.

 

I have learnt to be rather adept at living a secret life and am not complacent nor do I sit on my laurels - what I do know is that I have learnt to enjoy my symptoms because they are part and parcel of all the ingredients/rather like a wicked cocktail that make it work.

 

And such a thrill in waking up from a nightmare - knowing its just that -  a bad dream - long may such nocturnal interludes remain just that -  just a nightmare because if the dream became a reality then that would truly be a nightmare.

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Very interesting thread. I've personally never had anxiety dreams/mares about punting, but then I've never had to hide it from a girlfriend. I've never actually pursued sex with WGs whilst I was with any of my girlfriends as I was getting plenty. Saying, that I've not actually told any of my closest friends I've visited WG's either - but to be completely fair to them, I think they'd be cool about it lol. I enjoy having a secret that nobody who really knows me, knows about. Sometimes it's easier to open up to stranger! lol

 

I think that's the bottom line and perhaps what draws anxiety towards the guilt of not telling certain people in your life - leading to anxiety dreaming or sleep talking. I think women, especially, might feel more guilty; I've come to learn (with a few exceptions) that women are far more in touch with their emotions than men will ever be. Of course men empathise and can be sensitive too, but I do feel women have a need to communicate more with each other and especially share their woes. They get frustrated when they can't - to a partner who doesn't listen for e.g. Face to face, men tend to not share their deepest darkest secrets.

 

PN is different of course, because it's possible to remain completely anonymous...apparently :ph34r::lol:

Edited by earlgreyman

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What an interesting thread! As a widowed punter I haven't really had this problem although I wouldn't want my daughter to know. But sorry, no dreams! To those who have told their partner/family/friends. At what stage did you tell them? Before the event? After the first punt or later?

 

Before I started. I would have done it even if they'd disapproved, but I preferred being up front about it.

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Until last week I never ever dreamed about being an escort in any capacity (6 years in the job). Then I had a dream about being at a conference with a non sex work company I do some work for and was outed at the dinner table. Luckily everyone (in dream!) was really supportive and told him to shut up..

 

Further to that I dream very regularly that I still worked for the company I had to leave when I was outed 4.5 years ago! 

 

Is my dream subconscious a bit behind times?

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Im a lucky one where all my family close friends and partner know, best thing i ever did was telling them :)

Very enlightened, and rare.

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I've always visited WGs well away from work, home or anywhere where someone I know lives.  Even stopped visiting one place a few years ago when I found out someone from work has family there whom they visit from time to time.  Friends of mine have indulged in Amsterdam, but as I have not done so there, was able to be honest in saying the places in that city I went to.

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Very enlightened, and rare.

 

Possibly less so than you may think. My family and friends are all very accepting as well, and I know others in the same situation. Maybe the world is shifting. :)

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Always best to tell your parents, they might not agree/like it/encourage it but at least you don't run the risk of your Dad making a booking :D

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My only nightmare is not being able to work, family moving in or living in a shared house and I have a booking turning up for an incall.

 

I no longer work incall and operate on a limited basis so I'm not quite sure why I'm still having those dreams! Close family, a few friends and need to know appropriate acquaintances/important relevant people know which means there's hardly any secrecy pressure.

Edited by Strawberry

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