Moonraker

How To Avoid E.a.s. With A Regular

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In another thread the question was raised about avoiding Emotional Attachment Syndrome with a Regular. As someone who has known his current Regular for 10 years and seen only her for the last 5 years, I felt this question was worth a separate thread.

I have to say to start with that we are very good friends and not surprisingly know a great deal about each other and have discussed this very question (What pillow-talk! :) ) We are very fond of each other and in her case it is not very difficult as she is only half my age and in any case she has quite a few regulars whom she has known as long.

In my case I regularly remind myself of those facts and that she is a friend who is also a fuck-buddy (paid). I would like to ask other punters with long-term regulars what steps they take to avoid E.A.S.?  

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Ask for a freebie. That'll restore the correct professional seperation.

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I would say she is not a fuck buddy if you pay her.

 

I think it is best avoided by NOT seeing only her as you do. If you carry on doing so, no one can give worthwhile advice.

 

But that is up to you.

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i think viv is right. be a tart and see several.

Me, I have several regs, and then see new ones.  some of them become regs, some dont.

some regs retire.  thats the hard bit for punters.

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Just consider how much a divorce will cost you if you fell for her hook line and sinker...that should bring you up sharpish

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Ask for a freebie. That'll restore the correct professional seperation.

This.

I think this is the perfect answer to be honest lol, it's the only way some of you who do get EAS and assume it's only you she's being nice to will understand and get back into the real world.

I've had a couple regulars get EAS and claim to fall for me and I tell them exactly this, I am fond of them and I do like them as a person but they are clients who are paying me for my time and paying me to pleasure them, and like you, many of my regulars are double, some are triple my age. As much as it may seem like the real GFE or whatever, it's not.

Edited by TightYoungEbony
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Just consider how much a divorce will cost you if you fell for her hook line and sinker...that should bring you up sharpish

 

As an 82 year old widower, Chloe, divorce is not on the table. :)

 

Actually, I obviously did not make it clear that I personally don't have an EAS problem but over the years other people have had and the subject was raised on another thread so I was seeking people's views

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I think it's possible to have a good friendship and a degree of personal attachment in a paid for environment providing both parties understand it is what it is and not a romance. True, some romances and long tern relationships develop out of escort/client relationships but often not and it can be a successful paid for relationship. 

 

I think most level headed people can do this easily. If you're the sort to go falling in love willy-nilly then you probably aren't suited to escorting or punting! 

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I think it's possible to have a good friendship and a degree of personal attachment in a paid for environment providing both parties understand it is what it is and not a romance. True, some romances and long tern relationships develop out of escort/client relationships but often not and it can be a successful paid for relationship. 

 

I think most level headed people can do this easily. If you're the sort to go falling in love willy-nilly then you probably aren't suited to escorting or punting! 

The fee is always the barrier   -   thank goodness!..... :)

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I don't avoid EAS, I use it to make the sex better and better.

I'm good at putting things in boxes in my head. From the moment I knock on my reg's door to the kiss goodbye is fantasy land, the rest is a really nice social connection with someone with lots of common interests. Works for me, might not be for everyone.

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This.

I think this is the perfect answer to be honest lol, it's the only way some of you who do get EAS and assume it's only you she's being nice to will understand and get back into the real world.

I've had a couple regulars get EAS and claim to fall for me and I tell them exactly this, I am fond of them and I do like them as a person but they are clients who are paying me for my time and paying me to pleasure them, and like you, many of my regulars are double, some are triple my age. As much as it may seem like the real GFE or whatever, it's not.

I should be a prime candidate for this as I had a bit of EAS with my accountant a few years back untill she told me she was just as nice to other clients.  :(  I mean, if I can with an accountant..........

 

Lesson learned.  :)

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I think it's possible to have a good friendship and a degree of personal attachment in a paid for environment providing both parties understand it is what it is and not a romance. True, some romances and long tern relationships develop out of escort/client relationships but often not and it can be a successful paid for relationship. 

 

I think most level headed people can do this easily. If you're the sort to go falling in love willy-nilly then you probably aren't suited to escorting or punting! 

 

I don't disagree with your comments here.. However over the 16 years of me being a member of this forum, in it's many incarnations.. I have seen both punters and sex workers post about falling for each other/Or separately/ and not being reciprocated. This does cause problems, especially in any online community.. Some have even taken it further and more or less stalk the other, punter and sex worker have done this.. Witnessed by me too many times over the years by both sides!

 

To avoid it, some have stated see other people, works for me and always has done.. I don't get attached to any one in this hobby!

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Is EAS a term unique to punting - it seems to me that from a psychiatric and psychological perspective - attachment and its related syndromes relate to a 'failure' to attach - whereas although rare FAS (Fatal Attachment Syndrome) is indeed less a failure to attach and more a tendency to obsess and stalk (and I think when Punting World says EAS it really means FAS).

 

There are of course punters [and WG's) who succumb to FAS and all its related nightmare - but the vast majority of punters when either 'diagnosed' by others or self diagnosed as suffering from EAS are displaying quite human and understandable symptoms of: affection, fondness, respect and yes, of course, some attachment - and attachment is a sign of mental health not the reverse.

 

I don't suffer from EAS but I am pretty sure I suffer from IHFWG's syndrome - which I Have Favourite Working Girl Syndrome - now don't panic - its actually quite a pleasant condition: it results in me booking the lady more frequently than others, having a great time, having the time of my life and then when I leave, from time to time, having fond and affectionate thoughts about them - but that is the limits of the condition - pretty harmless really.

 

Now where I am different from the OP (whose post I thought was very sensible and balanced) is that I see several ladies who are regulars and for whom I definitely suffer from IHFWG's syndrome.  I quite respect though and do understand how a punter might just only see on regular as the OP does - if he's happy and it works for him why not.

 

Attachment theory (as I understand it) is a study of less why we attach (although that is part of it) and more why we fail to attach (and its resultant problems) - if a gorgeous WG gives a fantastic GFE of course were doing to attach and by attach I just mean - like them, be fond of them, go and see them again.

 

I do think that in 'Punting World' there is a something of a group think about EAS and being a Fluffy - being tough, hard, use them and lose them,  fuck them and leave them is Neanderthilic and valorized - whereas a softer enjoyment of punting is somewhat demonized - but of course, the OP it seems to me, is raising a quite understandable human dilemma - he has grown close to his regular and knows that as in life: everywhere, everything, everyone, ends. 

 

How to cope with that - I guess we all have different coping mechanisms for loss - you can't tell me even a hardened Neanderthilic punter doesn't feel some loss when a regular moves on - and indeed vice versa.

 

I will definitely never just see one regular because I find that several meets my needs for variety and novelty but will I miss them when they retire - definitely! :)

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Is EAS a term unique to punting - it seems to me that from a psychiatric and psychological perspective - attachment and its related syndromes relate to a 'failure' to attach - whereas although rare FAS (Fatal Attachment Syndrome) is indeed less a failure to attach and more a tendency to obsess and stalk (and I think when Punting World says EAS it really means FAS).

 

There are of course punters [and WG's) who succumb to FAS and all its related nightmare - but the vast majority of punters when either 'diagnosed' by others or self diagnosed as suffering from EAS are displaying quite human and understandable symptoms of: affection, fondness, respect and yes, of course, some attachment - and attachment is a sign of mental health not the reverse.

 

I don't suffer from EAS but I am pretty sure I suffer from IHFWG's syndrome - which I Have Favourite Working Girl Syndrome - now don't panic - its actually quite a pleasant condition: it results in me booking the lady more frequently than others, having a great time, having the time of my life and then when I leave, from time to time, having fond and affectionate thoughts about them - but that is the limits of the condition - pretty harmless really.

 

Now where I am different from the OP (whose post I thought was very sensible and balanced) is that I see several ladies who are regulars and for whom I definitely suffer from IHFWG's syndrome.  I quite respect though and do understand how a punter might just only see on regular as the OP does - if he's happy and it works for him why not.

 

Attachment theory (as I understand it) is a study of less why we attach (although that is part of it) and more why we fail to attach (and its resultant problems) - if a gorgeous WG gives a fantastic GFE of course were doing to attach and by attach I just mean - like them, be fond of them, go and see them again.

 

I do think that in 'Punting World' there is a something of a group think about EAS and being a Fluffy - being tough, hard, use them and lose them,  fuck them and leave them is Neanderthilic and valorized - whereas a softer enjoyment of punting is somewhat demonized - but of course, the OP it seems to me, is raising a quite understandable human dilemma - he has grown close to his regular and knows that as in life: everywhere, everything, everyone, ends. 

 

How to cope with that - I guess we all have different coping mechanisms for loss - you can't tell me even a hardened Neanderthilic punter doesn't feel some loss when a regular moves on - and indeed vice versa.

 

I will definitely never just see one regular because I find that several meets my needs for variety and novelty but will I miss them when they retire - definitely! :)

 

Could you condense a little so that I can understand what it is you're trying to say?   It looks great, but I haven't a clue what you're going on about?

 

How about ' I think Mooraker has it right'   ?    Is that about it? :D

Edited by EnjoyEmily
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...thanks Emily, I think whilst brevity is the soul of wit, I am unsure its the soul of grappling with the layered meanings of attachment theory - but hey if brevity is a house style of the forum then I can do brevity of course. 

 

I do think Moonraker (seems to me) has it right for himself but he asked what we thought and how we cope with EAS and I think EAS is a kind of punting myth - emotional attachment not a failure just part of being human.

 

Fatal Attraction Syndrome however a different (and rarer) kettle of fish.

 

I was a little flattered that you thought my post looked great though but clearly what it had in style in lacked in substance :)

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...thanks Emily, I think whilst brevity is the soul of wit, I am unsure its the soul of grappling with the layered meanings of attachment theory - but hey if brevity is a house style of the forum then I can do brevity of course.

I do think Moonraker (seems to me) has it right for himself but he asked what we thought and how we cope with EAS and I think EAS is a kind of punting myth - emotional attachment not a failure just part of being human.

Fatal Attraction Syndrome however a different (and rarer) kettle of fish.

I was a little flattered that you thought my post looked great though but clearly what it had in style in lacked in substance :)

EAS isn't a punting myth at all.

I've experienced it in both the sense of stalking, a client being fond of me and two clients openly telling me they have fallen in love with me. One going as far as to ask me to move in and tell me I wouldn't have to work or escort part time as he will look after me. That isn't "fondness" its more than that. Both clients were hurt when I mentioned I can't see them again because of their feelings so EAS is definitely real.

Being fond of your favourite escort is fine and I'm sure all clients are fond of one or two of their regulars and show affection. Being in love with an escort and believing there is a relationship and that you could be together is a totally different thing.

It's actually not nice to be a part of to have to tell someone you don't have feelings for them and you can't see them anymore.

Edited by TightYoungEbony

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...attachment theory founded by Bolwby and Ainsworth addresses the issue of child v parent attachment (ironically in cases when there is an absence of attachment) issues primarily:

 

http://cmapspublic2.ihmc.us/rid=1LQX400NM-RBVKH9-1KL6/the%20origins%20of%20attachment%20theory%20john%20bowlby%20and%20mary%20ainsworth.pdf

 

EAS is simply a term conflated and adopted as a catch all to highlight clients [and WG's] who cross a range of boundaries - (seemingly emotional one's) -  

 

It could equally be called Boundary Crossing Syndrome because its the boundary crossing that is the problem - nothing wrong with affection, fondness, per se - as if anything these emotions enhance one's enjoyment of punting.

.

The example of clients of stalking however is a different kettle of fish and stalking is both criminal behaviour and falls under FAS (Fatal Attraction Syndrome) a genuine psychiatric condition.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

.

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...attachment theory founded by Bolwby and Ainsworth addresses the issue of child v parent attachment (ironically in cases when there is an absence of attachment) issues primarily:

http://cmapspublic2.ihmc.us/rid=1LQX400NM-RBVKH9-1KL6/the%20origins%20of%20attachment%20theory%20john%20bowlby%20and%20mary%20ainsworth.pdf

EAS is simply a term conflated and adopted as a catch all to highlight clients [and WG's] who cross a range of boundaries - (seemingly emotional one's) -

It could equally be called Boundary Crossing Syndrome because its the boundary crossing that is the problem - nothing wrong with affection, fondness, per se - as if anything these emotions enhance one's enjoyment of punting.

.

The example of clients of stalking however is a different kettle of fish and stalking is both criminal behaviour and falls under FAS (Fatal Attraction Syndrome) a genuine psychiatric condition.

.

You're making this thread become a lot more complicated and thought over than it needs to be with the abbreviations and definitions.

EAS is a thing and plenty of us escorts have experienced punters who have had it.

There have been stalkers, the rape threateners and all sorts. But no need to make it more complicated than it is. EAS does exist, if you've experienced it you'd understand where Moonraker and some of us are coming from about it.

As I said it's not a bad thing to be "fond" of an escort/punter and think highly of them. But to be in love with them or think they they are in love with you and you'll have a relationship together all after great sex is a little delusional and more than fondness... Hence EAS.

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...oh dear, sorry for being thoughtful - or even overly complicated (although I do think attachment syndromes are complicated).

 

And I guess because this is a forum I hope there is room for discussion/and exploration of an idea.......

 

To be fair I only have suggested one acronym which I think is nearer/closer to what is actually meant by EAS which seems to me carries has a pejorative tenor..

 

Moonraker for example is concerned about what he calls EAS in his long term arrangement with his regular lady - but surely his concern is simply how to handle the affection and fondness he feels for her and I presume how to deal with/handle a sense of loss when and if it finishes ..why label this as EAS? 

 

Because surely these emotions are in a different category than the destructive and dangerous punters (as you say 'stalkers, rape threateners and all sorts') you refer to - such punters or indeed WG's in my opinion are suffering from a more pathological, forensic and criminal syndrome than a simple emotional attachment. 

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.....why label this as EAS?.....
 

 

Labels can be extremely handy and on a forum like this, we all have an approximate common understanding of EAS, as well as terms such as GFE, PSE, OWO etc.

 

Anyway, although I’m going to repeat a lot of what has been said before, I will do so using my strictly limited vocabulary so hopefully we can move out of pseuds corner and all avoid a headache.

 

For me, a degree of emotional attachment is what transforms an average but enjoyable punt into a mind-blowing one but, like edging, it’s very difficult to find the boundary. 

 

I’ve been significantly attached to three girls over the last couple of years, and they are the ones that have given me the most intensive and satisfying pleasure - they have each burned their unique way into my permanent memory.

 

Sure, it’s painful when the inevitable split happens, but every cloud has a silver lining – I’ve just parted with my most repeated regular and I felt so sick for a while that I lost a couple of kilos and am now down to my ideal weight for the first time in thirty years!

 

In my opinion the successful escorts are the ones that can switch off their emotions at the drop of their knickers, but sometimes there are occasions when even they can’t maintain the total detachment - they have their “favourites”, the chosen one or two that they give extra time and maybe unadvertised services to. Nothing wrong with that, especially if you’re the lucky guy.

 

Conversely, how many girls totally underestimate the demands of escorting and simply can’t maintain complete control over their emotions from day one – they appear on AW and then vanish within days? I saw one last week…..

 

Back to the OP, my personal way to avoid excessive EAS is to steer clear of anything more than two hours with a girl. An exceptionally sweet escort once gave me well over three for the price of one (she’d had an upsetting encounter earlier in the day) and in retrospect I found it all a bit too intimate. If I ever did an overnight with a favourite then I would have great difficulty settling back into my normal life!

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In another thread the question was raised about avoiding Emotional Attachment Syndrome with a Regular. As someone who has known his current Regular for 10 years and seen only her for the last 5 years, I felt this question was worth a separate thread.

I have to say to start with that we are very good friends and not surprisingly know a great deal about each other and have discussed this very question (What pillow-talk! :) ) We are very fond of each other and in her case it is not very difficult as she is only half my age and in any case she has quite a few regulars whom she has known as long.

In my case I regularly remind myself of those facts and that she is a friend who is also a fuck-buddy (paid). I would like to ask other punters with long-term regulars what steps they take to avoid E.A.S.?

I have failed to avoid eas and if you are 'themoonraker', then you know who I am talking about.

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Ask for a freebie. That'll restore the correct professional seperation.

It happened. Many times, and I didn't ask.

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Labels can be extremely handy and on a forum like this, we all have an approximate common understanding of EAS, as well as terms such as GFE, PSE, OWO etc.

 

Anyway, although I’m going to repeat a lot of what has been said before, I will do so using my strictly limited vocabulary so hopefully we can move out of pseuds corner and all avoid a headache.

 

For me, a degree of emotional attachment is what transforms an average but enjoyable punt into a mind-blowing one but, like edging, it’s very difficult to find the boundary. 

 

I’ve been significantly attached to three girls over the last couple of years, and they are the ones that have given me the most intensive and satisfying pleasure - they have each burned their unique way into my permanent memory.

 

Sure, it’s painful when the inevitable split happens, but every cloud has a silver lining – I’ve just parted with my most repeated regular and I felt so sick for a while that I lost a couple of kilos and am now down to my ideal weight for the first time in thirty years!

 

In my opinion the successful escorts are the ones that can switch off their emotions at the drop of their knickers, but sometimes there are occasions when even they can’t maintain the total detachment - they have their “favourites”, the chosen one or two that they give extra time and maybe unadvertised services to. Nothing wrong with that, especially if you’re the lucky guy.

 

Conversely, how many girls totally underestimate the demands of escorting and simply can’t maintain complete control over their emotions from day one – they appear on AW and then vanish within days? I saw one last week…..

 

Back to the OP, my personal way to avoid excessive EAS is to steer clear of anything more than two hours with a girl. An exceptionally sweet escort once gave me well over three for the price of one (she’d had an upsetting encounter earlier in the day) and in retrospect I found it all a bit too intimate. If I ever did an overnight with a favourite then I would have great difficulty settling back into my normal life!

..ha ha ha Im flattered...Psueds Corner...I know I shouldn't admit easily my favourite part of PE (another common and approximate punting term funnily enough).

 

Labels can also be misleading, prejudicial and unhelpful - but hey I have no dog in any fight -  I don't and haven't thankfully suffered from EAS and have had lost count of the number of overnights I have had with regular ladies I see -

 

We are completely different - I enjoy a longer booking (3-4 hours, overnights) and find the same principle applies to a long booking as a shorter booking - reality bites, the fantasy ends and we look forward to the next time - simples.

 

....

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Moonraker for example is concerned about what he calls EAS in his long term arrangement with his regular lady - but surely his concern is simply how to handle the affection and fondness he feels for her and I presume how to deal with/handle a sense of loss when and if it finishes ..why label this as EAS? 

 

 

Sorry Happy Punter, I clearly haven't expressed myself very well if you got this impression. Rather the reverse, I am totally happy with  my attachment to my regular lady. It is always difficult to describe one's feelings on a forum and I think MinxyLydia puts it far better than I can:-

 

I think it's possible to have a good friendship and a degree of personal attachment in a paid for environment providing both parties understand it is what it is and not a romance. True, some romances and long tern relationships develop out of escort/client relationships but often not and it can be a successful paid for relationship. 

 

I think most level headed people can do this easily. If you're the sort to go falling in love willy-nilly then you probably aren't suited to escorting or punting! 

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...actually Moonraker I think you expressed your clearly indeed - you are right it is I who misunderstood you were asking how do deal wit EAS etc but rather you were asking how others do - hasn't been a problem for me but as I say I have a number of regulars and I agree with Lydia most level headed people can handle the punter v WG relationship and I came to punting relatively late in life and find I can manage enjoyable, NSA, paid for relationships as indeed can you! :)

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