radman

My regular wants a relationship

32 posts in this topic

Right so... Where to begin?, 

I have been punting for about 2-3 years and previous to that I was a virgin, so not really had a proper relationship as such. Started to see a regular wg about 2 years ago and I guess we clicked so I kept coming back for more. I occasionally see others however she is my go to woman. Our meets, over time, progressed to being more and more personal, with her even telling me her real name etc. She even made a joke when taking the condom off, along the lines of " maybe if it's split and i get pregnant I could get you tied down". 

Also at points she has almost  forgotten to put a condom on me. (one time, maybe an accident but it's about 3 times now). This escalated and one time she didn't as we got a bit too into it.

Anyway now she has asked me if I would like to go for drinks sometime and maybe our appointments could " become  free in the future ". She says she hasn't had a proper relationship for ages because of her job and maybe I would be more understanding.

Having never had a proper relationship, I wonder if this is a sensible idea 

I guess my question is has this ever happened to anyone else before? 

Also what should I do?  We clearly like each other but is this a risky road to go down? 

P.S I know this post is all over the place but my head is too at the moment 

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Run, don't look back, do not contact her again, continue running. get a new phone. move on fast.

If you want a relationship join a reputable dating agency.

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I think something about this sounds dodgy.I think as you haven't had much experience of ladies and dating you need to go on a few dates with civvy ladies and get some experience of what you want in life and relationships rather than just punting.All you are seeing is the lady in the room who you are paying for sex. It is not a normal social interaction where you are getting to know each other on an even playing field.If of course you know for sure you have feelings for her and want to go ahead and try dating then this needs to be doing normal dating things like going for a drink or the cinema and sex needs to be off the cards initially like it would be with any new relationship or dating situation.You really do need to knock the bareback off as well.Presumably she is still working and for all you know she may be having similar conversations with other regulars...as I say if this was all genuine you would both be easing into a change of relationship and doing normal dating stuff not buggering around with the condom etc and you would not be posting on here asking what to do if you were into the idea and knew it was legit.

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The fact that she said "maybe I'll get pregnant and can tie you down" should have alarm bells ringing already. 

You should cut all contact and not see her again. How careless to have unprotected sex though, you're probably not the only one she is doing that with either. If she's happy to bareback you she's happy to bareback others.

Steer clear I would say. 

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1 hour ago, JKay said:

Run, don't look back, do not contact her again, continue running. get a new phone. move on fast.

If you want a relationship join a reputable dating agency.

I almost forgot the most important thing, visit your GUM clinic today, then another visit in 3 months time.

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Radman,

There are a few things in life that can really mess things up - and so should be avoided if at all possible.

1. Losing your Health: Don't put your health at risk - and don't let others put your health at risk. Use condoms, please.

2. Children with Multiple Partners: This complicates your future relationships and drags down your finances for the rest of your life. Use condoms, please.

3. Divorce: Introduce any potential long term partner to your friends and family. Ask their opinion of that person. Don't enter into relationships lightly. Seek corroberation of your impressions of someone, with those impressions that others around you who you trust have formed of that person. This is particularly important if you do not have much experience of relationships, are young, or if you suspect you may simply not be a good judge of character.

P.

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I agree with all of the above! Even if she is totally honest about what she says today (and that's an unknown at best) , time goes on and people change. It might be bliss for a year and then you could find yourself with a large child maintenance bill, difficulty getting access to your child(ren) and an ex-partner from hell.

Don't risk it!

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I have to agree with the other posters here. If it seems too good to be true then it certainly is too good to be true.

 

There are plenty of reputable dating agencies out there where you can meet someone who shares your values and interests.

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My first thought is the same as everyone else's: run in the opposite direction, but you know her better than any of us. To give you something from the other side of the argument

  1. Thinking in the cold light of day, what do you want to happen?
  2. Could you ever envisage a future for the two of you? and
  3. Do you think she has an ulterior motive, or is she being honest?

It could be as simple as Julia Roberts said in Notting Hill "I'm also just a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him to love her."

I am not in the position you are, I don't know your situation and what you have to win or lose. 

I hope you make the right decision for you but whatever you decide is a decision you will have to live with for the rest of your life.

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Do you like her enough that you can trust her to go out and work knowing it's just sex with strangers for money and be completely comfortable with that?

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1 minute ago, Epiphone56 said:

Do you like her enough that you can trust her to go out and work knowing it's just sex with strangers for money and be completely comfortable with that?

Good point, Epiphone, no-one has mentioned that thorny issue yet. In the moment of passion, she will say she will give it all up for love. What that means is she'll give it all up if you give her the same amount of money as she is earning now, which I suspect, would be beyond your means. This is not misogyny, by the way. On the contrary, I don't believe a woman should give up any job for a guy. I just don't think many men would be happy with the love of their life having sex with other men several times per week.

JKay's advice is best - run fast, run straight and run far!

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The barebacking is a bit of a worry IMO. While a girl is working I wouldn't risk that, even in a relationship.

I've dated a lapdancer and was able to keep work and personal life in separate boxes in my head. It took a while not to have the natural feelings of jealousy that some drunk guy is likely fondling or kissing my girlfriend's tits but I got past that in about a month.

Could I have a relationship with an escort? That would be another level of compartmentalising that I'm not sure I could manage, but maybe if I met someone who I thought could be my soulmate. 

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13 hours ago, radman said:

This escalated and one time she didn't as we got a bit too into it. 

Should clarify, this was for about 15 seconds before I thought "wait wtf am I doing " ages ago (been tested since having read other threads). Never something I do ever (she seemed mortified at the time, that we both did this).

If I'm being honest,  having re-read my own post ithe situation seems nuts. I think throughout it all I found excuses for certain occurrences and enjoyed the interest she shows in me, however in black and white it seems a lot simpler than I'm making it in my head. Maybe I just needed to see it written down to fully grasp what really was happening 

Think maybe I have allowed myself to get carried away in it all to some extent and think that the advice here hits the nail on the head.  I.e run

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So let's get this straight. You see a wg, one particular one who you no doubt have paid a lot of money to see and keep seeing.  Would I be correct then in thinking you find her very attractive?

Do you really think dates are going to be that attractive?

I am amazed that you even need to ask the question.  A girl you presumably find hot, wants to see you more and for free, and you're scratching your head thinking about it.  

If you have never dated any woman before, and never had a serious relationship, then you are likely to find your dates won't go too well and you may not be dating hot women unless you're very good with relationships and dating. Few men are that good.  

If I were you i'd just make sure you always use a condom and even bring your own. And if you mean it, then tell her you won't be going anywhere else 'cos you find her very attractive.  I wouldn't care if she sees other men - for money or not. If you do then you shouldn't go ahead.

Personally if that happened to me, I wouldn't need to ask advice.  I am baffled as to how you even need to ask the question. Maybe if you need to ask, then you shouldn't.

Edited by garifto

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Sounds like she wants your sperm not you! Avoid. 

VERY occasionally escorts do move a client relationship into a personal one because she is genuinely into him as a person but avoiding using condoms is not the way to do that!!!

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Someone actually removed my pof link lol

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Assuming you love eachother so much, would you be happy with her being with your child and in this business or would you prefer her to have a 9 to 5 job and only being with you?  Ask her these questions and then decide what is best for you.

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Do you trust her? Several years ago one of my regulars wanted to have a relationship with me, and although I liked her a lot and the sex was great, I didn't 100% trust her (difficult to go into), so I declined.

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Shame that there is so many negative thoughts.

 

She might want a genuine relationship.

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7 hours ago, stevenxxx said:

Shame that there is so many negative thoughts.

 

She might want a genuine relationship.

That may well be the case.

But doesn't her comment of "maybe if the condom split and I got pregnant I could've tied you down" sound very strange and alarming? If I was male and someone said that to me I would run for the hills.

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7 hours ago, stevenxxx said:

Shame that there is so many negative thoughts.

 

She might want a genuine relationship.

and it took her 2 years to realise this !!

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I am sceptical about claims that wg wants a relationship with a punter

esp a punter who has never had a relationship

but lets say its true - well just make sure you dont pay her a penny for sex and always use a condom

that's all you need to know.

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14 hours ago, stevenxxx said:

Shame that there is so many negative thoughts.

 

She might want a genuine relationship.

If that is so then why is she using her work as an escort to find her true love, rather than using more conventional means?

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7 hours ago, paul bacon said:

If that is so then why is she using her work as an escort to find her true love, rather than using more conventional means?

In the case of my ex, the fact that her job involved working most evenings and weekends meant that she found it difficult to do that. Unfortunately this was also the thing that ended up putting strain on the relationship, with me working a 9-5 we never had any time to see each other. That's probably something to consider before embarking on a potential relationship, are you willing to fit around her somewhat unconventional working hours?

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There have been threads on would you marry an escort, and on dating an escort. Now we have a real case study. 

Life can be  difficult, stressful, taxing and exhausting. If you and your potential partner can offer each other friendship, companionship, comfort and great sex - then go for it.

Listen to the advice, wear a condom, particularly if you continue to punt and she continues to escort.

And you know what, you may get emotionally hurt, and she might as well. But sadly,that's life. But so is the fact, that you may have a great time, whilst it lasts.

Good luck

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