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Laura Lee braves the Mumsnet lions den with a powerful message

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And Laura encountered a goodly number of tight closed minds there! Still she tried!

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Interestingly there was an analysis done of prostitute posters on Mumsnet which formed part of the evidence to the recent select committee on Prostitution. Amongst the usual feminist clap-trap a number of prostitutes took the time to contribute to threads

 Since January 2004 there have been nearly two hundred threads on Mumsnet on various topics surrounding prostitution and on over thirty of those threads over eighty current or ex-prostitutes have described their experiences-examples outlined below with Mumsnet names. Some have posted on only one thread, some just on prostitution threads but a number contribute to non-prostitution threads on Mumsnet mostly but not always changing their user names.

This being Mumsnet it is not surprising the majority have children.


Some describe themselves as currently working as prostitutes (cookiechipmonster escort222 Kimcar,Lou4fun, Migsy86 minniehaha Mandamumu offs ohmetoo protonbomb sabrinayork sapphirestarfish shdnobetta theoledragon watchingrain Winegoggles xxcxx) but the majority have left prostitution (exited) some after a short time ( catlike Gileswithachainsaw , Meretrix,Mycrazylife  Prepared for flames runntugged strawberrymewmew whoreof babylon) some after a few years (22 honey) or left   after many years (Caitlincourtesan Geriatricbabymama, Getoveryourlittleself ,hannah459, ImOneToo, , OFFS, Protonbomb ShdNoBetta ) and the experiences they describe are very varied. Some have worked in massage parlours or brothels (CanYouSeeWhyINamechanged xxcxx 22honey), some for agencies (Exvicegirlbutnotdirty) and many were independent escorts ( ImOneToo, KimCar Mandamumu ,OFFS , winegoogles,) finding clients via the internet and working in rented flats or from hotels. Most provided penetrative sex, a very few only massage and “hand relief”( Runntugged, TheOleDragon)some were dominatrices where penetrative sex was rare (Lucydayz needfootmassage whoreofbabylon)


Very few entered prostitution below the age of eighteen (AbortionFairyGodmother aliasforallthis, fridakahlo, Rmott 22honey ) some in their twenties and a number later still (auntma ShdNoBetta). Mostly the reasons for becoming prostitutes were financial, some were in dire financial straits WhoreofBabylon (or needed money for drugs (CanYouSeeWhyINamechanged ,Ladyanonymous Knownotlies 22honey) or became unemployed, partner left etc.)-for them prostitution was a means of survival for them and their children.(Aformersexworker, anothersex worker Foofie, OFFS ) but a number used prostitution to supplement income from other jobs or saw prostitution as giving them money and flexibility to look after children (aliasforallthis,avaboosmummy, carmenelectra, charliegirl1,doublelife lll, jordylass lou4fun OFFS workinggirljem ) and pursue education avaboosmummy sapphirestarfish or other interests shdnobetta xxcxx. The vast majority describe entering prostitution by choice Bellezeboobian. Getoveryourlittleself KimCar,OFFS ,Sabrinayork, sapphirestarfish wingoogles,xxcxx 22honey

Some reported being promiscuous in their youth (auntma, doublelife111,OFFS xxcxx) or swingers (Charliegirl1 becauseeyesaidso Hubbieofananonymousmner )so felt at ease about sex or believed they might as well get paid for the sex they were doing anyway  Some reported being raped as young women (ConfessionTimeForMe) or suffered abuse in childhood (aliasforthis2,22honey )others were in abusive relationships (as reported by 22honey)but others never suffering abuse either as children or young adults (alienzombiemum becauseeyesaidso strawberrymewmew winegoggles.xxcxx )

Some had little education and so few alternatives, others were well educated (KimberlyC, KimCar,TheOleDragon and some had “A” levels or degrees(Blackbess Charliegirl1 Getoveryourlittleself, MissHoneyMoon Ohmetoo, Protonbomb, Runntugged)  and so could find other work if they wanted. Some are working to fund further education and training others to supplement income from other jobs (becauseeyesaidso ) Very few describe themselves as coerced by another (Rmott), some had partners or were married OFFS Foofie,

Some partners might be described as pimps (migsy86) others as stay at home housekeepers , some partners had jobs) some found it hard to separate real sex from work sex many had children (theoledragon sprogssprogssprogs)ranging from young to adult. And they describe sexwork as a job

Some enjoyed working as prostitutes (doublelife11, girlfriendexperience KimberlyC KimCar,Mandamumu offs PenelopePitstopx protonbomb ShdNoBetta Winegogggles workinggirljem xxcxx 22honey). A few said they enjoyed the sex-or did some of the time (anothersex worker avaboosmummy Bellezeboobian Charliegirl1 justreading Meretrix OFFS winegoggles xxcxx )others that they never enjoyed it or hated it (Aformersexworker ChangeInbrief Obviousnamechangetoday Ohmetoo pushtheskyaway sillymillyb)and others that it was neutral  (like washing the dishes AlienZombieMum) or that it was sometimes mildly unpleasant (like cleaning behind the fridge( ohbella ) and some that it was mostly boring Meretrix or routine (like going to the dentist migsy86). A few described their work (or the money derived from it) as empowering ( avaboosmummy doublelife111,OFFS, Prepared for flames, Protonbomb Winegogggles,) many did not(AbortionFairyGodmother, aliasforthis Meretrix)

Very few said they were assaulted or raped in their work (aliasforthis2 Annamaria71 Rmott), many never experienced any violence (becauseeyesaidso, ImOneToo Runntugged sapphirestarfish Siobhan1986 Winegogggles xxcxx) and they reject the view that they had no choice in which clients they see and what acts they performed

Some reported that some clients were unpleasant or that the majority were CookieChipMonster that some had bad personal hygiene (alienzombiemum, becauseeyesaidso canyouseewhyInamechanged Imonetoo), some clients were sexually inept( sabrinayork xxcx winegoggles) some clients lacked social skills so could not interact with women Blackbess Getoveryourlittleself PenelopePitstopx others reported that on the whole that clients were a pretty ordinary cross section of men who treated them with respect and did not boundary push  (ImOneToo KimCar OFFS sabrinayork ShdNoBetta Winegogggles 22honey (but see ohmetoo)and although some clients were selfish and only after their own enjoyment  others spent time pleasuring them becauseeyesaidso, doublelife111 MandamumuHYPERLINK "" Winegogggles Most respondents were independents and clients contacted them by phone or email-they took care to screen their clients by their attitude and language (Alienzombiemum Kimcar). Violence from clients was extremely rare (Imonetoo offs 22honey). Some report that they had disabled clients (foofie  Meretrix winegoggles}

Clients were mostly married (charliegirl cookiechipmonster doublelifelll foofie figa98 jordylass 22honey watchingrain winegoggles ) but see janethecat who did outcalls to clients homes, some were widowed or divorced and might struggle to attract a woman (justreading) other clients were attractive but did not want to be involved in a serious relationship (justreading).Some say that clients come to them because of lack of sex in their marriages (justreading watchingrain wineoggles), wanting intimacy or hugs (foofie misshoneymoon preparedforflames watchingrain) or simply that they seek variety in the sex they have (Charliegirl1 Prepared for flames prostituteandproud )or wanted many sex partners (auntma )or simply wanted companionship or to be close to a woman ( Foofie Mandamumu OFFS Sabrinayork watchingrain) . Clients in the main could not be described as misogynists (avaboozemummy charliegirl1 22honey)although some are (watchingrain), and  there are some dickheads (Kimcar OFFS) so the prostitute will not see them again but the majority of clients like women and love sex (justreading) Prostitutes report they screened and had choice over clients and would have no hesitation in terminating an appointment it the client was unpleasant or boundary pushed avaboosmummy

Some of the contributors have long exited and look back on their experiences saying they sometimes enjoyed it (anothersexworker avaboozemummy becauseeyesaidso blackbess caitlincourtesan Mugglewump preparedforflames whoreofbabylon), others that they did not or that it was traumatic(aliasforthis2 ,Annamaria71 CanYouSeeWhyINamechanged,Confessiontimeforme fridakahlo, Geriatricbabymama, Knownotlies Namechangeforme Strawberrymewmew )but others long exited would do it again under the same circumstances(alienzombiemum) . Others say that they were deluded into believing they enjoyed it at the time but looking back have a different view (abortionfairygodmother CanYouSeeWhyINamechanged Strawberrymewmew) but others don’t (janetthecat). Almost without exception (but see exitedwoman) prostitutes whether current or exited reject the Swedish model even if they had an unpleasant time in prostitution and reject the term “prostituted person” or deny that prostitution is rape. Many mentioned that prostitutes should be allowed to work together for their own safety (this is not allowed by current legislation)


The point is not to claim that prostitute posters on Mumsnet are representative of the total population of prostitutes (in the sense that the proportion reporting particular experiences reflect the proportion in the population of prostitutes as a whole -there were no street prostitutes for instance ) but that the experiences of prostitution were very varied, some good and some dire. Of course the contributors were self-selecting, had access to the internet and the more disadvantaged prostitutes might not contribute to the threads, but the point is that there is a spectrum of experiences in prostitution, this variety of experiences in confirmed by a number of well conducted qualitative and quantitative academic studies (see above) as well as ethnographic studies of prostitutes.

Very few of the prostitutes describe themselves as “happy hookers” (KimCar,ShdNoBetta) few  fit the “oppression paradigm” of those forced into prostitution by abuse drugs, pimps or dire experiences as children; the majority occupy the space between these extremes. There is no evidence of prostitution as being inherently violent to women or that it is inherently explotative. 

What is particularly interesting is the way that prostitutes whose posts do not conform to the oppression paradigm are abused by the self-declared feminists on Mumsnet (doublelife escort222, escortandmum escortkarin kimberlyC misshoneymoon mandamummu msmont sapphirestarfish sprogssprogssprogs)are a few who were the subjects of such abuse . If their posts are in the slightest way “happy hookerish” their veracity is denied, there are claims that they are male fantasists, (an accusation only stopped by providing their working names and websites) they are called trolls, shills, sock puppets for the pimp-punter lobby, disgusting (one of the mildest form of abuse), and throwing the majority of prostitutes (claimed to be the oppressed) under the bus. (eg PosieComeHereMyPreciousParker ElisabethAlice sapphirestarfish and others on

Other posters find that attempts are made to reframe their experiences (despite their denials) and shoehorn them into the “oppression paradigm” migsy86  OFFS , or to claim that they are suffering from false consciousness (denying abuse or claiming they chose prostitution but in fact were coerced  by pimps, poverty drugs etc) or that are putting on brave face and denying how awful it is as a means of self-preservation (sapphirestarfish strawberrymewmew)or that their experiences are not representative, or represented a view of a tiny minority (however the results of quantitative surveys cited in para 2.2 show that this is not the case).

Somehow these Mumsnet feminists know more about prostitution than the prostitutes themselves. But importantly the CPS’s determination of prostitution as violence against women is at odds with the facts I would also recommend that you look at the SAFFE website ( and the SAAFE forum ( ) where prostitutes have an active discussion about their lives



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On 07/07/2016 at 6:08 PM, Carnival said:

"As sex workers, our lives depend on decriminalisation"

Decriminalising sex work is the only way to ensure safety in the industry, says sex worker and activist Laura Lee

As Penny from the Big Bang Theory would say...  "Holy crap on a cracker!"

For some strange reason (I'm blaming masochistic tendencies) I just spent the better part of lord knows how many hours reading all 16 (16!!) pages of that mumsnet thread.  But I still think that is a day well spent.


I think it's important to know why people think what I do is inherently evil.  I have an open mind and like to hear all sides of an issue.

However, I have never read a larger amount of complete tripe by people who know nothing of which they speak in a very, very long time.  They don't like the fact that people like having sex with me, and that they show me their appreciation by giving me money for the time I willingly spent with them.  They masquerade their intentions with every red herring in the book, even to go so far as to bring in Health and Safety regulations in regards to handling bodily fluids.  (Yeah, we've already sorted that - it's called comdoms.)

if I were a client of sexual services, I'd be seriously vexed at the way they refer to you.  They make you out to be a bunch of entitled, predatory rapists that think they can "own" a woman for a few quid.  Jesus bloomin' christ, that speaks volumes about what they think of men - many of whom are their own husbands who seek out services from lassies like myself.  But of course, their husbands, sons, fathers, etc. would never do that sort of thing...  yeah right.

The main reason I don't join that site to tell them how incredibly ill-informed they are is because if @Laura Leecan't do it, then no way I can (by the way, goddess bless you LauraLee).  Another reason is that I'd probably be called a supporter of the Pimp Lobby (??) or whatever new term is coined by the regulars there.  It's a shame though, as when I read through the thread I noticed a few members seemed to actually realise that prostitutes tend to know a thing or two about prostitution (and a massive kudos to Matthias Lehmann for joining the thread).

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I have no problem with Mumsnet per se, as at least they published LauraLee's article and therefore opened up the debate to people that may have only ever heard one side of the story.  But to the Mumsnet regulars that call lassies like me a "dick receptacle" and a "human wanksock" I present you with this little conundrum...  Until 1991 it was legal for a husband in the UK to rape his wife - so until then, how were you any less of a "dick receptacle" or "human wanksock" than I am?  Up until then, the law said your own husband could legally rape you.  Kinda sucks, doesn't it?  But thankfully we've moved on since then, and so should you.

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I've read some of the threads mumnet's feminist forum have had on sexwork, and they are overwhelmingly in favour of the Swedish model, and out of everyone in society I think  they are probably among the hardest of all to try and get them to see reason. Well done to LauraLee for trying.

Edited by YourSlave

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