Lechap

Gf and wg?

29 posts in this topic

I used to punt a lot in the past (I might meet 500wgs over 5 year period) until I met my current gf 3 years ago. We live together and I am  happy with her. Great personality, amazing cooking skills, honest, trustworthy. Basically, I am happy with everything. The sexual life is ok, but I am not surprised it is not as it was at the beginning. Quite often I feel it would be nice to go again to a wg to spice my life, I remember that adrenalin rush I had when I visited wgs, these memories are in my head continuously. I look at the websites such as HoD, and the wgs are super sexy over there. I am thinking to start visiting wgs may be once a week. However, I am concerned it will be the start of the end of my current relationship. However, may be I am wrong and that spice in life would make me feel better and reinvigorate me. I presume many punters over here visit wgs while being in their normal relationships with gfs and wifes. How do you feel about that? Any remourse? Do you regard it as cheating? I do not want to have a romance on the side I just want to feel those young slim tight sexy bodies.

 

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"Cheating's a lady's word" - Lenny Bruce. Your last sentence sounds like the proper's punter's attitutde. Do it like that and you should have no problems.

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2 hours ago, Colonel Bonkers said:

"Cheating's a lady's word" - Lenny Bruce. Your last sentence sounds like the proper's punter's attitutde. Do it like that and you should have no problems.

I'd agree

When I was married I had a very varied and interesting sex life -  never actually mentioned it to the wife tho' 

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Only you can decide, but as you have asked on an open forum you will probably get replies from both sides of the fence...

id be a hypocrite replying either way with my views but what works for one does not necessarily work for others...

good luck and go with your instincts on this one...

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If your girlfriend is as honest and has as great a personality as you claim, why do you seem to have trouble talking to her about your lack of excitement or lament your sex life not being as good as you remember it?

Would it not be better to talk things through with her than risk it all over a lustful session with a working girl? Who knows what could happen if you're honest and tell her you want to rekindle the physical side of your relationship and spice up your life? She may actually surprise you with an approval to see other women provided you don't deviate from x and y with them.

I don't claim to be a counselor or psychologist but I'd imagine that if you went and saw a working girl behind her back, she may feel resentment and disappointment that you didn't tell her about your feelings as well as any feelings of betrayal unless you had agreed on an open relationship initially.

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1 hour ago, HoneyBadger said:

If your girlfriend is as honest and has as great a personality as you claim, why do you seem to have trouble talking to her about your lack of excitement or lament your sex life not being as good as you remember it?

Would it not be better to talk things through with her than risk it all over a lustful session with a working girl? Who knows what could happen if you're honest and tell her you want to rekindle the physical side of your relationship and spice up your life? She may actually surprise you with an approval to see other women provided you don't deviate from x and y with them.

I don't claim to be a counselor or psychologist but I'd imagine that if you went and saw a working girl behind her back, she may feel resentment and disappointment that you didn't tell her about your feelings as well as any feelings of betrayal unless you had agreed on an open relationship initially.

Possibly an understatement.

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I agree with HoneyBadger, if she is the one and one you want a future with you should be able to discuss your sex life and how you are feeling about things, It is very sad that so many people can't do so and that they end up cheating and having secrets. There are other ways to have a relationship- what about an open one, or swinging together or you making an effort to suggest or do something new in bed. You need to give her the opportunity to spice up your lovelife as a couple, not just yours alone. 

How would you feel if she thought you were just OK in bed, but lacked excitement and that she was thinking about going to fuck a younger, better looking man with a bigger cock and frankly better at sex than you?

If you find that idea hurtful or upsetting then have a longer think about booking an escort or maybe consider what would happen if she found out. Remember noone thinks they are going to be found out... If the thrill of paying for sex is better than your relationship then go ahead. 

Incidentally, I've seen many men who do actually feel terrible guilt after paying for sex and once you have done it you can't undo the infidelity. 

I know this might sound hypocritical given my job, but it's what I would I advise to anyone and I don't think that cheating is the answer when you haven't attempted to right it or given the other person in the relationship the opportunity to give their opinion on the issue. 

It's interesting you name honesty and trustworthy as her good character traits...

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Lechap

 

MinxyLydia has covered me completely.

I'll get you a Reverse situation though... I have been in the industry, but then I met somebody...so I stopped. I told him about the "past" and he accepted it, with difficulty, but he did accept. So we were together for 3 years. Overall I was happy with our relationship.  Yes, from time to time I missed the excitement of my "hobby" (that's how I like to perceive it) or 2nd job if you prefer, meeting new men etc. But I was thinking he was the one and I did not want to put our relationship in danger, so I just disappeared from the scene...

I am back again as our paths have diverged now, since he decided to have an arranged marriage...behind my back.

What I am trying to say is we can always have memories of the past, but we need to decide what we want from our life at every set point. Nobody is perfect and nobody will give us everything

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Melissa, the link to your site on your profile isn't working.

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For me it's one or the other. If I meet the right girl I'll stop. I know a lot of punters have their cake and eat it, I'm not going to judge them for it, people are free to mess up their own lives, but don't kid yourself it's not cheating because it is. You are cheating. Period.

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On 04 October 2016 at 0:22 AM, MinxyLydia said:

I agree with HoneyBadger, if she is the one and one you want a future with you should be able to discuss your sex life and how you are feeling about things, It is very sad that so many people can't do so and that they end up cheating and having secrets. There are other ways to have a relationship- what about an open one, or swinging together or you making an effort to suggest or do something new in bed. You need to give her the opportunity to spice up your lovelife as a couple, not just yours alone.

How would you feel if she thought you were just OK in bed, but lacked excitement and that she was thinking about going to fuck a younger, better looking man with a bigger cock and frankly better at sex than you?

If you find that idea hurtful or upsetting then have a longer think about booking an escort or maybe consider what would happen if she found out. Remember noone thinks they are going to be found out... If the thrill of paying for sex is better than your relationship then go ahead.

Incidentally, I've seen many men who do actually feel terrible guilt after paying for sex and once you have done it you can't undo the infidelity.

I know this might sound hypocritical given my job, but it's what I would I advise to anyone and I don't think that cheating is the answer when you haven't attempted to right it or given the other person in the relationship the opportunity to give their opinion on the issue.

It's interesting you name honesty and trustworthy as her good character traits...

Yet another excellent post from you, Lydia - very pertinent to me and no doubt to lots of us.

It's 3 years since my wife and I made love completely although we have continued to enjoy a loving and fun relationship for a long time, including lots of kissing, cuddling and so on. But I have learned not to discuss our lack of sex: apparently it puts her under pressure and sets her back to square one! I'm trying to act on the advice from a forum (and accompanying book) that discourages talking about it. Its basic philosophy is to make yourself more attractive to her in every respect so that she wants to make love with you. I would not want her to make love with me if she was only doing it appease me. Furthermore, acting needy or hard done by is definitely unattractive.

Have you any advice on how to discuss sex without it being counterproductive?

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Oh gosh, I'm not sure, I'm used to a relationship where I can say anything and I know my partner well enough to know how to approach things, but not your wife and everyone is different... I personally feel talking about it is important, Do you know why she doesn't want to have sex with you? If not then I think you will not get anywhere and doesn't give you anything to work with. I kind of think she owes you an explanation, but obviously I don't suggest you go and bellow this at her! She may not want to tell you because she is protecting your feelings or it's for a reason she is ashamed of or finds hard to talk about. 

I think all the advice, books and forums are useless unless you know the reasons behind the lack of sex and if she has solidly made her mind up not to have sex ever again there is little you can do about- she is the one who has to work through the reasons, she has to want to deal with the issue and anything you do might be totally irrelevant unless you actually know what you are up against. 

Incidentally has she told you talking about it pressurises her or is that what you have read?

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Thanks for your very incisive reply Lydia.

She says it's the menopause and.......... (Oh dear, I'd better not divulge too much for fear of being outed). She sometimes says she misses our sex life. OK I'll add that she's on antidepressants. I believe this affects libido.

I certainly don't bellow at her about it but years ago I remember telling her that, without sex, I didn't feel properly loved. She then told me I was pressurising her and that she didn't mind if I 'went somewhere' [for sex] but she didn't want to know about it.

If I try to make our cuddles a little more 'erotic' and it doesn't lead anywhere I don't make a fuss, I just leave it.

I'm always telling her how beautiful she is and I think she's quite happy with how she looks. She does not shy away from flaunting her naked body around the house! And we do sometimes lark about!

I could say a lot more including my own medical issues which obviously play a part. My libido is returning but I can't be as spontaneous now if you get my drift.

Maybe I'm not initiating strongly enough.

I'd better not say any more unless I could PM you. Thanks again.

 

 

 

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22 hours ago, audioguy said:

For me it's one or the other. If I meet the right girl I'll stop. I know a lot of punters have their cake and eat it, I'm not going to judge them for it, people are free to mess up their own lives, but don't kid yourself it's not cheating because it is. You are cheating. Period.

Post cancelled. I'd misunderstood what you were saying by not looking further back in the thread.

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Softee, everything you say makes perfect sense. All of your scruples are absolutely understandable. If there were a Husband of the Year award, you ought to win it.

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5 hours ago, Softee said:

Thanks for your very incisive reply Lydia.

She says it's the menopause and.......... (Oh dear, I'd better not divulge too much for fear of being outed). She sometimes says she misses our sex life. OK I'll add that she's on antidepressants. I believe this affects libido.

I certainly don't bellow at her about it but years ago I remember telling her that, without sex, I didn't feel properly loved. She then told me I was pressurising her and that she didn't mind if I 'went somewhere' [for sex] but she didn't want to know about it.

If I try to make our cuddles a little more 'erotic' and it doesn't lead anywhere I don't make a fuss, I just leave it.

I'm always telling her how beautiful she is and I think she's quite happy with how she looks. She does not shy away from flaunting her naked body around the house! And we do sometimes lark about!

I could say a lot more including my own medical issues which obviously play a part. My libido is returning but I can't be as spontaneous now if you get my drift.

Maybe I'm not initiating strongly enough.

I'd better not say any more unless I could PM you. Thanks again.

 

 

 

I think PM best cos we'll derail the thread! 

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Slightly disappointed Lechap hasn't returned, maybe he listened to us and has gone off to work on his relationship! 

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1 hour ago, MinxyLydia said:

Slightly disappointed Lechap hasn't returned, maybe he listened to us and has gone off to work on his relationship! 

I stopped taking him seriously here...... "(I might meet 500wgs over 5 year period)"

With no repeats, that's an average of two different girls every week, excluding holidays, sickies, etc.

I don't think the guy understands the meaning of "relationship", even with a WG, so what chance has he got with a GF? 

Dreamer.........

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On 04 October 2016 at 0:22 AM, MinxyLydia said:

I agree with HoneyBadger, if she is the one and one you want a future with you should be able to discuss your sex life and how you are feeling about things, It is very sad that so many people can't do so and that they end up cheating and having secrets. There are other ways to have a relationship- what about an open one, or swinging together or you making an effort to suggest or do something new in bed. You need to give her the opportunity to spice up your lovelife as a couple, not just yours alone.

 

I agree with you Lydia about the danger of me derailing the thread by being specific about my own issues.  But I'm still grateful for your input. I looked back at your first post which is so thought provoking for all of us. I may PM you in future especially to tell you if I've made even the smallest amount of progress if that's OK.

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23 hours ago, Softee said:

She says it's the menopause and.......... (Oh dear, I'd better not divulge too much for fear of being outed). She sometimes says she misses our sex life. OK I'll add that she's on antidepressants. I believe this affects libido.

 

Yes, it's well known this is an unfortunate side effect. You could be George Clooney and still not get a response from a woman on SSRIs it seems:

The serotonin levels in the body are stabilized by prescription antidepressants. Women taking SSRIs may experience delayed lubrication as well as delayed or blocked orgasm. Generally, women are also likely to experience lack of desire for sex. In some cases, women report discomfort during sex.

http://www.healthline.com/health/erectile-dysfunction/antidepressant-sexual-side-effects#Causes3

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On ‎11‎/‎10‎/‎2016 at 0:17 AM, Siamese Tomcat said:

I stopped taking him seriously here...... "(I might meet 500wgs over 5 year period)"

With no repeats, that's an average of two different girls every week, excluding holidays, sickies, etc.

I don't think the guy understands the meaning of "relationship", even with a WG, so what chance has he got with a GF? 

Dreamer.........

Be that as it may,

There may well be other guys facing the same predicament / dilemma (albeit without the 500 wg tally), and the advice given here may give them some useful things to consider... before doing something they may potentially regret or wreck something good they've worked for.

The grass is always greener innit..

Edited by DirtyGit
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19 hours ago, DirtyGit said:

Be that as it may,

There may well be other guys facing the same predicament / dilemma (albeit without the 500 wg tally), and the advice given here may give them some useful things to consider... before doing something they may potentially regret or wreck something good they've worked for.

The grass is always greener innit..

Agreed, a useful thread despite a dubious OP.

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On 12/10/2016 at 8:18 PM, Siamese Tomcat said:

Agreed, a useful thread despite a dubious OP.

What was dubious? 500 is very realistic, it did not even require much money, 30 in average, quite often it was two per day, not per week. I often went to Soho, had one round, then to Snog Yogurt for a relax, then back for another one. It was sort of an addition. And it helped me to release a stress for a tedious job.

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On 10/10/2016 at 10:39 PM, MinxyLydia said:

Slightly disappointed Lechap hasn't returned, maybe he listened to us and has gone off to work on his relationship! 

What I lack is novelty and drive, new younger sexier bodies. I am very comfortable from a relationship perspective at the moment. But it is something within me, which I can hardly control, is coming out. Something, which is animal driven, instinctive. Go out and bang these tight peachy bums - that is what I hear. May be I should just let it go, feed the beast, and then simply forget it because my so to say normal state is comfortable with the status quo. 

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11 hours ago, Lechap said:

What I lack is novelty and drive, new younger sexier bodies. I am very comfortable from a relationship perspective at the moment. But it is something within me, which I can hardly control, is coming out. Something, which is animal driven, instinctive. Go out and bang these tight peachy bums - that is what I hear. May be I should just let it go, feed the beast, and then simply forget it because my so to say normal state is comfortable with the status quo. 

That is exactly what you should do. Remember Blake - "Sooner murder an infant in its cradle than nurse unacted desires".

Montaigne somewhere mentions a Greek philosopher who was reproached because he had been spotted coming out of a brothel. He said he should only have been reproached if he had left his mind in there.

In the end, this is the "empty your tanks" philosophy, which many punters have. It's basically true: if you find you can't get along with the rest of your life if you don't bang one of those tight peachy bums, then go and bang one of them. And then get on with your life.

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