Freamon

Punting paradoxes

32 posts in this topic

For me, punting is many things including a series of paradoxes. There is one in particular that I have thought about on and off for a good while now. Obviously, this topic isn't going to be everyone's cup of tea!

Basically, a great encounter for me is a number of things but spontaneity is perhaps key. It's where things feel seamless and flow of their own accord; it's when I don't feel that I'm on the receiving end of a routine - which doesn't mean that I'm not getting a routine; I don't have a checklist of services I want to get through or have to cum x amounts of times within the session, etc. In other words, it feels 'real' or 'natural' for want of a better word: like non-paid-for-sex only that I know I'm paying and not looking for a freebie either.

This generally happens when I've seen someone more than once and we have some shared interests and established a degree of mutuality; basically, when I am attracted to her in the non-physical as well as the physical sense. I find that I have a genuine interest in her in terms of just generally conversing, sharing thoughts, and being sociable. Now, I don't have any romantic illusions or aspirations but I do enjoy her company and want to spend sociable time with her and this is my paradox: I punt largely because I wouldn't have an affair due to its emotional and non-sexual intimacy aspects but my favourite WGs have been characterised by precisely this. And the paradox also means that when I meet a woman like this I invariably can't see her too often precisely because I find her interesting and intellectually stimulating: and I regulate myself in this way even though I know (or think) that I keep things in perspective.

I don't lay awake at night thinking about this but I'd like to think it through a bit more carefully, if I can - however, I suspect that, for me at least, it's one of those complex, insoluble, and inherently contradictory aspects of punting. As our American cousins would say, 'What's my deal?' Am I really paying for the illusion of intimacy, sexual and non-sexual, or is it indicative of something else? I'm not asking for answers on a postcard but does anyone else (ladies or gentlemen) experience this or any similar, related or general punting paradoxes or have any constructive thoughts?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

What else do you think it indicates?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
What else do you think it indicates?

I really don't know and it needn't indicate anything else. Given your psychoanalysts' type question it could be a number of things including an unconscious desire to get out of my relationship (I honestly don't think so), my warring hedonistic and responsible selves or id/ego, a desire for pseudo intimacy that cannot be realised - thus a fear of intimacy (I'd like not to think so, but who would?), the list is almost endless.

Beyond the psychoanalytic it might simply be indicative of a mid-life crisis. My general feeling is simply that the best sex (IMO) requires mental and emotional stimulation which is supposedly anathema to punting hence the paradox...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Well I suppose it's only paradoxical if you employ a narrow view of punting? But you might be unusual in having identified the components that satisfy you, then having done sufficient research to actually find them in a wg and even more unusual in having worked out a strategy to deal with the potential fall out from having booked a woman who ticks all the boxes.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Well I suppose it's only paradoxical if you employ a narrow view of punting? But you might be unusual in having identified the components that satisfy you, then having done sufficient research to actually find them in a wg and even more unusual in having worked out a strategy to deal with the potential fall out from having booked a woman who ticks all the boxes.

Narrow as in personal, yes; narrow as in narrow-minded or didactic, I hope not; or were you thinking of narrow in a different sense? I accept that there are various views of punting and mine is just one of them. That's why I originally asked whether any others experience anything similar or related or have any altogether different punting issues that they find paradoxical. The vast majority of my punting is not at all paradoxical in this way - I'm talking about rare and exceptional situations here.

Funnily enough, in terms of 'sufficient research' I find reading WGs websites and blogs as well as forum posts to be very fruitful, as you can get an insight into someone's intellect and personality or at least how they wish to present themselves. And you're right, I have a strategy that 'works' insofar as it prevents potential fall-out, but what I don't have is a positive means to explain the situation I ideally and actively seek, which is paradoxical for me but not necessarily others. I'm not even sure that there is a simple or straightforward explanation, I'm just trying to better understand what I'm doing and why, if I can.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Funnily enough, in terms of 'sufficient research'

I'm not even sure that there is a simple or straightforward explanation, I'm just trying to better understand what I'm doing and why, if I can.

I dont know if this helps, but you might have a sexual need to get intimate, and thus release some of the urges you feel when you see a pretty lady.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
For me, punting is many things including a series of paradoxes. There is one in particular that I have thought about on and off for a good while now. Obviously, this topic isn't going to be everyone's cup of tea!

Basically, a great encounter for me is a number of things but spontaneity is perhaps key. It's where things feel seamless and flow of their own accord; it's when I don't feel that I'm on the receiving end of a routine - which doesn't mean that I'm not getting a routine; I don't have a checklist of services I want to get through or have to cum x amounts of times within the session, etc. In other words, it feels 'real' or 'natural' for want of a better word: like non-paid-for-sex only that I know I'm paying and not looking for a freebie either.

This generally happens when I've seen someone more than once and we have some shared interests and established a degree of mutuality; basically, when I am attracted to her in the non-physical as well as the physical sense. I find that I have a genuine interest in her in terms of just generally conversing, sharing thoughts, and being sociable. Now, I don't have any romantic illusions or aspirations but I do enjoy her company and want to spend sociable time with her and this is my paradox: I punt largely because I wouldn't have an affair due to its emotional and non-sexual intimacy aspects but my favourite WGs have been characterised by precisely this. And the paradox also means that when I meet a woman like this I invariably can't see her too often precisely because I find her interesting and intellectually stimulating: and I regulate myself in this way even though I know (or think) that I keep things in perspective.

I don't lay awake at night thinking about this but I'd like to think it through a bit more carefully, if I can - however, I suspect that, for me at least, it's one of those complex, insoluble, and inherently contradictory aspects of punting. As our American cousins would say, 'What's my deal?' Am I really paying for the illusion of intimacy, sexual and non-sexual, or is it indicative of something else? I'm not asking for answers on a postcard but does anyone else (ladies or gentlemen) experience this or any similar, related or general punting paradoxes or have any constructive thoughts?

Duh :confused:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I think I can relate to what you say, but I don't see it as contradictory or paradoxical. Maybe I am missing something? It appears to me that, even in this context, you just can't get away from your real persona, how you like to express yourself, what you enjoy, what most turns you on, the sort of woman you find most interesting and thus attractive, etc., and all that gives a feeling of spontaneity to your meetings. Most importantly, you know what's really real and what isn't, hence your carefulness. Why see it as a mystery? Sounds good to me. :confused:

Edited by profman
addendum

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Don't know the answer but you're just like me. I want intimacy, but I avoid having affairs because I'm frightened where too much intimacy might lead. But I find simple quick 'n' dirty bonks unfulfilling. So I seek out escorts who maybe share some of my delusions, and when I find them it's pretty good. Don't know where it will end.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
I think I can relate to what you say, but I don't see it as contradictory or paradoxical. Maybe I am missing something? It appears to me that, even in this context, you just can't get away from your real persona, how you like to express yourself, what you enjoy, what most turns you on, the sort of woman you find most interesting and thus attractive, etc., and all that gives a feeling of spontaneity to your meetings. Most importantly, you know what's really real and what isn't, hence your carefulness. Why see it as a mystery? Sounds good to me. :confused:

Maybe you're missing something or I've been unclear. Let me put it in your terms: how do you reconcile your 'real persona' with a context that isn't real? I don't want to say any more here and to stop this getting all Being and Nothingness - which it most definitely is - I'll stop now. However, I want to be crystal clear on one thing though, I don't see what I'm talking about as a problem and you're spot on, it is good; I'm not unhappy, merely curious.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
...... I punt largely because I wouldn't have an affair due to its emotional and non-sexual intimacy aspects but my favourite WGs have been characterised by precisely this.. .....

My smattering of CSE's doesn't really equip me for all this. But I've quoted the part I identify with the most. IF you are similar to me then you want the variety and excitement of sex outside of your marriage. You will, quite naturally, enjoy this with specific types of women. This becomes uncomfortable because they are the sort of women you'd most likely have a serious affair with.

Sounds to me like you have a system of checks and balances that kicks in to prevent your punting becoming a danger to an existing and valued relationship.

I know! The next message will be to tell me you're single.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Freamon, sounds to me you need another visit to see the '' she devil '' W.P.:confused:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
I punt largely because I wouldn't have an affair due to its emotional and non-sexual intimacy aspects but my favourite WGs have been characterised by precisely this.

I have spent some time cogitating this exact paradox. I punt only for sexual gratification that Mrs BobJim does not provide, but I don't want a mechanical punt - I particularly enjoy the conversation and dialogue along with the sex. If I think of my favourite punts (of the few I've had) the best are those with which I have had an enjoyable social time along with the sex. My guess is that if Mrs BobJim provided me with the variety of sexual activities that I get punting, I would not even have thought about it....:confused:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Maybe you're missing something or I've been unclear. Let me put it in your terms: how do you reconcile your 'real persona' with a context that isn't real? I don't want to say any more here and to stop this getting all Being and Nothingness - which it most definitely is - I'll stop now. However, I want to be crystal clear on one thing though, I don't see what I'm talking about as a problem and you're spot on, it is good; I'm not unhappy, merely curious.

Not sure I accept your premise. I think the context is real at one level and it involves the real persona, but it is also ephemeral. The ephemeral can sometimes seem less than real, precisely because it is transitory. The context may also have an element of unreality in so far as it is unattainable or has to be separated from everyday life, kept to ourselves, not acknowledged to others. Either way, it's fun!

On the other hand, how do I bloody know?! This is getting a bit like the party where there are two groups of people, one having a rave, living and enjoying life, and the other deeply engaged in the contemplation of what life means. :confused: Just enjoy the fact that what you experience is good. :D

Edited by profman
missed bit

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

greatest paradoxes

best WGsome available just as your money runs out

rare opportunity to slip away from wife and the worst WG in the parlour is 'on' when you get in there

plainest girls do dirtiest tricks

so on so on

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
My smattering of CSE's doesn't really equip me for all this. But I've quoted the part I identify with the most. IF you are similar to me then you want the variety and excitement of sex outside of your marriage. You will, quite naturally, enjoy this with specific types of women. This becomes uncomfortable because they are the sort of women you'd most likely have a serious affair with.

Sounds to me like you have a system of checks and balances that kicks in to prevent your punting becoming a danger to an existing and valued relationship.

I know! The next message will be to tell me you're single.

That's about it, spot on!!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On the other hand, how do I bloody know?! This is getting a bit like the party where there are two groups of people, one having a rave, living and enjoying life, and the other deeply engaged in the contemplation of what life means. :confused: Just enjoy the fact that what you experience is good. :D

Where have I said I don't enjoy the experience? And who says you can't live and enjoy life as well as think about it! Whether you come back or not I guess I have nothing more for you...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Where have I said I don't enjoy the experience? And who says you can't live and enjoy life as well as think about it! Whether you come back or not I guess I have nothing more for you...

Sorry, Freamon, I did not intend what you inferred. The smileys should have told you I was joking. And I did acknowledge that you enjoy it - twice! I also believe that life should be both enjoyed and reflected on. But if you agree with Williams, who says much what I was trying to say in my first reply to you, then like Sarita I still don't see where the paradox or contradiction lie. I would see it as something I would expect as part and parcel of the situation you describe. But then we are different in that respect.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
greatest paradoxes

best WGsome available just as your money runs out

rare opportunity to slip away from wife and the worst WG in the parlour is 'on' when you get in there

plainest girls do dirtiest tricks

so on so on

Spot on!!!

Re Freamon's original observation/question, does the fact that we choose to see WGs in pursuit of physical release/fulfiment and/or social interaction (be it a well practised routine/illusion or genuine spontaneous interaction) mean that we are not pursuing a traditional 'affair' that involves emotional attachment? Would your life not be greatly affected, your emotional state not compromised if your freedom to punt or punting history were to be discovered by your other half? Would your other half identify the technical and emotional differences between the girl in an 'affair' and a whole bunch of WGs?

I submit that it's purely a matter of classification. I'd say that the discovery of your paradox is a healthy one. However, I dare to venture that if one naturally seeks out girls with compatible social interactions then there is probably something lacking, or slightly awry, in one's primary relationship. Hell, I know for sure that there's something missing in mine - blinding hot sex!! :confused: That doesn't mean to say that my marriage is crap - it's just slightly lacking but I don't use this as an excuse to punt - I was punting long before I got married.

I get around this purely by believing that my need to punt is a shallow one - I luv banging pretty girls. The experience is significantly better when the routine isn't mechanical and there's some half-intelligent interaction but I shield myself from any potentially emotional strings being twanged. I do this simply because I've had a proper relationship with a WG. It really was a sinusoidal wave of emotional turmoil! However, I wouldn't trade it in for anything!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Paradoxical or not, it can all get very messy and ultimately, painful for both sides...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
For me, punting is many things including a series of paradoxes. There is one in particular that I have thought about on and off for a good while now. Obviously, this topic isn't going to be everyone's cup of tea!

Basically, a great encounter for me is a number of things but spontaneity is perhaps key. It's where things feel seamless and flow of their own accord; it's when I don't feel that I'm on the receiving end of a routine - which doesn't mean that I'm not getting a routine; I don't have a checklist of services I want to get through or have to cum x amounts of times within the session, etc. In other words, it feels 'real' or 'natural' for want of a better word: like non-paid-for-sex only that I know I'm paying and not looking for a freebie either.

This generally happens when I've seen someone more than once and we have some shared interests and established a degree of mutuality; basically, when I am attracted to her in the non-physical as well as the physical sense. I find that I have a genuine interest in her in terms of just generally conversing, sharing thoughts, and being sociable. Now, I don't have any romantic illusions or aspirations but I do enjoy her company and want to spend sociable time with her and this is my paradox: I punt largely because I wouldn't have an affair due to its emotional and non-sexual intimacy aspects but my favourite WGs have been characterised by precisely this. And the paradox also means that when I meet a woman like this I invariably can't see her too often precisely because I find her interesting and intellectually stimulating: and I regulate myself in this way even though I know (or think) that I keep things in perspective.

I don't lay awake at night thinking about this but I'd like to think it through a bit more carefully, if I can - however, I suspect that, for me at least, it's one of those complex, insoluble, and inherently contradictory aspects of punting. As our American cousins would say, 'What's my deal?' Am I really paying for the illusion of intimacy, sexual and non-sexual, or is it indicative of something else? I'm not asking for answers on a postcard but does anyone else (ladies or gentlemen) experience this or any similar, related or general punting paradoxes or have any constructive thoughts?

Maybe it's not really a paradox but a dichotomy?:confused: Punting persona versus real world persona/actions?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Maybe it's not really a paradox but a dichotomy?:confused: Punting persona versus real world persona/actions?

That would mean a complete split between one's persona as a punter and that in the rest of one's life in the 'real world'. No link between the two at all. Like two completely different people. Is that what you mean?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Sounds to me like you have a system of checks and balances that kicks in to prevent your punting becoming a danger to an existing and valued relationship.

.

I have to agree with Williams about the importance of some checks and balances. This not only protects you from any danger to your existing relationships but also to your mental well being.

Around 2007 I found myself in a cycle of visiting the same girl on a very regular basis. For me we had clicked emotionally and physically from the first day we met. I was having so much fun enjoying my sessions with this girl that I think it ended up effecting my normal social life and even my work suffered.

She was always honest enough with me and warned that if she ever felt a client was getting too close she would cut off all contact. We never got to that stage but I found myself feeling very uncomfortable with what had happened.

I knew I had broken my normal rule of not seeing a girl too often.

Now a days I try to enjoy as much as possible the 2-3 sessions that I may allow myself when I feel a good connection with a new girl. After that I take my chances and am sure that I will soon find another gem.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now