Noddy

Laugh a minute profiles...

47 posts in this topic

I don't do anal but, this phrase made me laugh on the other site:

In the profile:

Q: Do you do Anal ?

A: Yes, but I charge £100, or £25 per inch, whichever is the greater

:D

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I find this one funny :D

Do "A" > yes

Do OWO > yes

Do CIM > yes

Do Rimming > yes

Do sucking balls > yes

Do WS > yes

Do Kissing > No I keep this for my partner.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I don't know why, but I read that and immediately had images in my head of the girl taking measurements before the proceedings can begin!

"Wait! I'll just get my ruler!" :D

Could be an awkward moment for the gent involved! :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Well seeing as I do get a few callers boasting they have a certain amount of inches I don't think there will be any problem. They always use withheld numbers, funny that.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Well seeing as I do get a few callers boasting they have a certain amount of inches I don't think there will be any problem. They always use withheld numbers, funny that.

Well, you could always follow the policy of a certain Miss Corbett of Harris's list of the 1770s and have "one fixed rule" on price, "by which she means just that: She always measures a man's Maypole by a standard of nine inches and expects a guinea for every inch it is short of the full measure."

http://entertainment.timesonline.co.uk/tol/arts_and_entertainment/books/non-fiction/article6857574.ece

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
I don't do anal but, this phrase made me laugh on the other site:

In the profile:

Q: Do you do Anal ?

A: Yes, but I charge £100, or £25 per inch, whichever is the greater

:D

Under EU law she must charge per centimetre, so this profile is illegal. I will not rest until this menace is brought to justice!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Next person to phone and tell me about his whole "foot" then I'll be choosing between "No thank you" and quite a lot of guineas - gold ones only.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Under EU law she must charge per centimetre, so this profile is illegal. I will not rest until this menace is brought to justice!

Britain has an exemption from EU law, so feet and inches still allowed !

There aren't any gold guineas but you could start charging in gold sovereigns though !

:D

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
I don't do anal but, this phrase made me laugh on the other site:

In the profile:

Q: Do you do Anal ?

A: Yes, but I charge £100, or £25 per inch, whichever is the greater

:D

It's a pity there's a flat rate or else I'd be getting it for a nifty.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
I don't do anal but, this phrase made me laugh on the other site:

In the profile:

Q: Do you do Anal ?

A: Yes, but I charge £100, or £25 per inch, whichever is the greater

:D

Wonder if she measures on arrival, on the way in or on the way out ? :)

Besides, that rule is surely more beneficial for vaginal sex as that entrance has an achievable upper limit, for anal sex she's better off figuring out a girth charge.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
I don't do anal but, this phrase made me laugh on the other site:

In the profile:

Q: Do you do Anal ?

A: Yes, but I charge £100, or £25 per inch, whichever is the greater

:)

I'd take a rubber stopper along and affix it so that only 2 inches would enter her.

That'll be £50 then sir. :D

Tea Bag could be in for rebate :D

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
I'd take a rubber stopper along and affix it so that only 2 inches would enter her.

That'll be £50 then sir. :)

Tea Bag could be in for rebate :D

Next time I get diarrhoea I'll let you stick that rubber stopper in my plug hole. :D

Rebate? Rebate my arse! :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Rebate my arse! :D

That sounds quite painful.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
That sounds quite painful.

It does indeed!

Rebate Profile 8 Al 19" is available in lengths up to 2048mm and is pre-drilled on 100mm centres for grub screws, which are also provided, to clamp the rebate strip into the profile grooving.

Standard spaced machined slots are provided along the full length of the strip for accommodating 19" equipment.

Galvanised captive nuts in three sizes of M4, M5 and M6 can be supplied for attaching panel elements or other components to the 19" Rebate Profile. These nuts simply clip into position on the strip to give an anti-torsion mounting.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Galvanised captive nuts

I love it when you type dirty.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
I love it when you type dirty.

M&S don't do sex dolls ... but if they did:

Our High Class 'I can't Believe Its Not a Hooker' Doll comes equipped with two generous slots with a champhered flange and a pre-greased chuff. Each entry point is pre-drilled to a depth of 10 inches and a fur-lined grommet allows lifelike access. The stomach has a sump plug for post-coital fluid drainage.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
M&S don't do sex dolls ... but if they did:

Our High Class 'I can't Believe Its Not a Hooker' Doll comes equipped with two generous slots with a champhered flange and a pre-greased chuff. Each entry point is pre-drilled to a depth of 10 inches and a fur-lined grommet allows lifelike access. The stomach has a sump plug for post-coital fluid drainage.

You made my cry i laughed so much,if thats what the m&s one is like,i wonder what the hieniken one would be like.lol

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
You made my cry i laughed so much,if thats what the m&s one is like,i wonder what the hieniken one would be like.lol

I guess that Heineken's male version would refresh those parts that other dolls can't reach....

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Not particularly funny but i hope the lady was joking with this part of her profile.

I'm happy to play your 13 year old neice but NO younger really, only because I have a 12 year old sister so it makes me feel a little weird.lol I'm oh...such a good girl and I'll do what you say so I can stay in school.... I know I've missed so much lately, but I've been so stressed having just started my period and I've been getting all these strange feelings.....

........my uncle has even told me some secrets and he sometimes does things which I can't tell you about..but although he's my uncle....if he wasn't...like you aren't then I... then i...well...I got wet, is that bad??....

....please...I need to talk to someone about it and show someone what i really want to do. I told my uncle no, because of my parents and who he is, but really I wanted to....

.....come and see....xxxx

:confused:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Not particularly funny but i hope the lady was joking with this part of her profile.

:confused:

Surely that's got to be a wind up. I presume it's taken from the other site. There sure are some strange profiles on there!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Britain has an exemption from EU law, so feet and inches still allowed !

:confused:

The English are adopting metrication inch by inch!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Not particularly funny but i hope the lady was joking with this part of her profile.

"I'm happy to play your 13 year old neice but NO younger really, only because I have a 12 year old sister so it makes me feel a little weird.lol I'm oh...such a good girl and I'll do what you say so I can stay in school.... I know I've missed so much lately, but I've been so stressed having just started my period and I've been getting all these strange feelings.....

........my uncle has even told me some secrets and he sometimes does things which I can't tell you about..but although he's my uncle....if he wasn't...like you aren't then I... then i...well...I got wet, is that bad??....

....please...I need to talk to someone about it and show someone what i really want to do. I told my uncle no, because of my parents and who he is, but really I wanted to....

.....come and see....xxxx"

:confused:

Whether this is genuine or not, it makes me worry about the the type of guy who would go for it?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Surely that's got to be a wind up. I presume it's taken from the other site. There sure are some strange profiles on there!

It's a group of girls. I think they are real, though the text reads like they have someone with a very vivid imagination overseeing their profiles.

As all the others play up on the youthfulness of the WG's some highlights from the other profiles

Go on... be on of my daddy's pals from work..you've been dying to see me when he's not around, and now here's your perfect excuse...you've got to drop me my allowance over...my 'pocket money' of which I'm ever-so-thank ful for....

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
I don't do anal but, this phrase made me laugh on the other site:

In the profile:

Q: Do you do Anal ?

A: Yes, but I charge £100, or £25 per inch, whichever is the greater

:confused:

Would bring a whole new meaning to the What's The Most You've Spent On A Punt thread...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Whether this is genuine or not, it makes me worry about the the type of guy who would go for it?

The type of client

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now