Claire

Silent Support?

102 posts in this topic

On more then one occasion I have seen someone post along the lines of 'I am not the only one who feels this way, others have pm'd me in agreement'.

This puzzles me - not that they should mention it, but that it happens at all.

If you support someone's point of view, why not say so out loud? After all you are granted the relative anonymity of a forum, and and if it all gets too much you can step away from the screen for a while. It is only a forum, after all.

I personally wouldn't set much store by a horde of silent, invisible supporters. If it were my situation in case, I would rather my supporters stood with me, shoulder to shoulder, proud of their cause and willing to say so.

I would rather not have the kind of support that says after the event 'Oh yes, we felt that was rather mean, but we didn't like to say so'.

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On more then one occasion I have seen someone post along the lines of 'I am not the only one who feels this way, others have pm'd me in agreement'.

This puzzles me - not that they should mention it, but that it happens at all.

If you support someone's point of view, why not say so out loud? After all you are granted the relative anonymity of a forum, and and if it all gets too much you can step away from the screen for a while. It is only a forum, after all.

On some of the more intense (i.e. "aggressive") threads, it's simply not worth the aggro....

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*supports Claire*

*begins to buckle at the knees*

Seriously, though, to me that's rather like the radfems/Mary Whitehouse/Xtians saying "the silent majority agree with us"; there's no evidence to back it up, so it's a meaningless statement.

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Strength in numbers. Safety in numbers. Alas, The Internet fools everyone :D

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On some of the more intense (i.e. "aggressive") threads, it's simply not worth the aggro....

But then, say you look at it and think 'Oh, that's a bit hairy, that's not for me...' - then why PM someone and say 'Oh yes, you're absolutely right...'? Why bother? If it's too messy, why not steer clear altogether?

Hypothetical 'you', not actual 'you', you understand.

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*gives Caitlin a Stern Look for attempting to derail thread*

:D

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I was the one to raise this comment earlier this morning, in a spat I had with someone, and was drawing upon this to make a point, that it was not only I who had the view, as I was being atacked for daring to speak out, and had hoped that some others who had pm'd me, would take the step up and say they also believed in what they wrote to me.

I have been on boards for many a year, and know that when I speak I say what is in my thoughts, and should not expect anyone to totally agree with me, but its sad to see boards with so many who just stand aside and say nothing, as a few take over the asylum, for fear of being seen as someone with an issue problem.

Silent support is no support at all really, and it does nothing to say so, and I do regret saying it earlier today.

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I have been on boards for many a year, and know that when I speak I say what is in my thoughts, and should not expect anyone to totally agree with me, but its sad to see boards with so many who just stand aside and say nothing, as a few take over the asylum, for fear of being seen as someone with an issue problem.

Some people seem to never get around to leaving their school yard days behind them - it's as if they got to 13/14 and just never got any further ? I do sometimes wonder if those agreeing on the sly are also playing to the other side ?

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I would rather not have the kind of support that says after the event 'Oh yes, we felt that was rather mean, but we didn't like to say so'.

Quite right Ma'am, much better to have vociferous and robust non-support than silent support, although why it is done by PM I'm not really sure, I have had quite a few PMs regarding my Disclaimers thread, all from the other side of the counter, that to put it mildly, and not unsurprisingly, are not entirely supportive, I think it would be much better if they posted in the thread but different strokes ...... I suppose.

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Some people seem to never get around to leaving their school yard days behind them - it's as if they got to 13/14 and just never got any further ? I do sometimes wonder if those agreeing on the sly are also playing to the other side ?

An ancient thread, the anti-fluffy brigade, a card carrying member insinuated I was an overpriced minger.

I never engage in open battle, I will do nothing, read the Daily Mail for a bit in certain knowledge my men will wade in for me.

Insult me. I get more website hits I think, I don't have one of those counter things.

It really is Top Trumps in here at times. Private PMs remain private PMs, but if anyone gets really vile, just flag the post.

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But then, say you look at it and think 'Oh, that's a bit hairy, that's not for me...' - then why PM someone and say 'Oh yes, you're absolutely right...'? Why bother? If it's too messy, why not steer clear altogether?

Hypothetical 'you', not actual 'you', you understand.

I find this happens quite a lot, Claire. Women PM me to say they don't want to get involved in certain discussions because, I assume, of the effects it might have for them in the eyes of other members. Both sexes have PMd me to say that they agree with a point I have made, but won't argue with particular people, either through fear of or contempt for them. But I find it's rather nice to get some solidarity, even if it is via a PM. :D

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Quite right Ma'am, much better to have vociferous and robust non-support than silent support, although why it is done by PM I'm not really sure, I have had quite a few PMs regarding my Disclaimers thread, all from the other side of the counter, that to put it mildly, and not unsurprisingly, are not entirely supportive, I think it would be much better if they posted in the thread but different strokes ...... I suppose.

A lot of people prefer not to stick their head above the parapet, I suppose. But from your end of the trench, I would also fail to understand the support of strangers, at least I've had dinner and sex with the majority of people who PM me, so I just bask in the rosy glow of fluffdom. And my heater.

But, at least they are saying, we agree with the cut of your jib SaS, but yes, Claire quite right, if that's meant to be support, why not say openly? Parapet issues. Flame wars never fun. Best to leave alone really, and treat silly abusive posts with the contempt they deserve; let the thread die.

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... It is only a forum, after all ...

I think some people forget that and take it far too personally sometimes.

There'll always be differences of opinion - that's life, real and virtual - but it's like some people get seriously pissed off if you've said something they don't agree with and get even more wound up if they can't convert you to their point of view. Meet them real world, they'll probably be nice as pie but behind a keyboard, they're safe to be ogres. :D

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... Flame wars never fun. Best to leave alone really, and treat silly abusive posts with the contempt they deserve ...

I concur :D

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I was the one to raise this comment earlier this morning, in a spat I had with someone, and was drawing upon this to make a point, that it was not only I who had the view, as I was being atacked for daring to speak out, and had hoped that some others who had pm'd me, would take the step up and say they also believed in what they wrote to me.

I have been on boards for many a year, and know that when I speak I say what is in my thoughts, and should not expect anyone to totally agree with me, but its sad to see boards with so many who just stand aside and say nothing, as a few take over the asylum, for fear of being seen as someone with an issue problem.

Silent support is no support at all really, and it does nothing to say so, and I do regret saying it earlier today.

Well I don't mind saying I support you publicly, mate! :D

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I think some people forget that and take it far too personally sometimes.

There'll always be differences of opinion - that's life, real and virtual - but it's like some people get seriously pissed off if you've said something they don't agree with and get even more wound up if they can't convert you to their point of view. Meet them real world, they'll probably be nice as pie but behind a keyboard, they're safe to be ogres. :D

So you think their true personality is suppressed in "the real world" and they simply pretend to be nice? And their true side only comes out under the protection of the keyboard? mmmm...

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I find this happens quite a lot, Claire. Women PM me to say they don't want to get involved in certain discussions because, I assume, of the effects it might have for them in the eyes of other members. Both sexes have PMd me to say that they agree with a point I have made, but won't argue with particular people, either through fear of or contempt for them. But I find it's rather nice to get some solidarity, even if it is via a PM. :)

Exactly.

Some members don't want to appear in a negative light to other members no matter which 'side of the fence' they reside.

This is maybe understandable.

But me, I couldn't give a monkeys, as you know :D and will always put punters first!

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But me, I couldn't give a monkeys, as you know :D and will always put punters first!

I prefer to point to the side I think is in the right - be it punter, or WG. :)

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So you think their true personality is suppressed in "the real world" and they simply pretend to be nice? And their true side only comes out under the protection of the keyboard? mmmm...

The "You can't see me, I can't see you, and I don't have to deal with the repercussions of being my inner twat in an anonymous forum". Plus, I pay for sex too. I want value. Them blokes.

It has been said, the biggest twats in here are actually deeply nice in real life I have been told.

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I think some people forget that and take it far too personally sometimes.

There'll always be differences of opinion - that's life, real and virtual - but it's like some people get seriously pissed off if you've said something they don't agree with and get even more wound up if they can't convert you to their point of view. Meet them real world, they'll probably be nice as pie but behind a keyboard, they're safe to be ogres. :D

Its because people speak up for their beliefs, that we have a democracy of such, people have given their lives for what they believe in, and if they have a just complaint, then im all in favour of them saying so.

Its easy to say in the real world they probably are as nice as pie, but behind a keyboard they are ogre's, honestly some folk who post on boards are not as nice as they seem, and more often the opposite is the case.

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Exactly.

Some members don't want to appear in a negative light to other members no matter which 'side of the fence' they reside.

This is maybe understandable.

But me, I couldn't give a monkeys, as you know :D and will always put punters first!

To me there isnt a fence, i post for or against on the merits of the individuals posts. I slam bad providers and praise good ones, for me its not a matter of putting punters first, that depends if i agree with them or not.

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Its easy to say in the real world they probably are as nice as pie, but behind a keyboard they are ogre's, honestly some folk who post on boards are not as nice as they seem, and more often the opposite is the case.

Are you saying the "nice" people on the board are more often than not complete & utter rude bastards in the real world? mmm me thinks not. Very unlikely unless they're psychopaths.

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I share Claire's puzzlement. Slightly more understandable I guess for service providers (who may fear loss of trade)... but really can't see why punters shouldn't make their views known.

But I wouldn't doubt the phenomena of "silent support" exists. Indeed many years ago it was a big factor in me deciding to stop being a trade union rep. I got fed up of members agitating for change when speaking direct to me, but remaining silent at open meetings. (Or even worse publicly arguing against what they had claimed in private to be their beliefs.)

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The "You can't see me, I can't see you, and I don't have to deal with the repercussions of being my inner twat in an anonymous forum". Plus, I pay for sex too. I want value. Them blokes.

It has been said, the biggest twats in here are actually deeply nice in real life I have been told.

Well I have it on a personal experiance that some of the nicer blokes on the boards are not quite what you expect, dont go assuming what you read.

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Are you saying the "nice" people on the board are more often than not complete & utter rude bastards in the real world? mmm me thinks not. Very unlikely unless they're psychopaths.

No im just saying that not all of the ignorant posters are really nice in real life, and that in "some cases", some of the nice people are not quite so easy going.

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