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Jean Valjean

Love and punting don't mix

45 posts in this topic

I've fallen in love with an escort who I saw a month ago. I tried to keep up a correspondence with her without letting my true feelings show but she's seen through me and now she won't see me again and she's ignoring my emails and texts, as I knew she would if she realised how I felt. I can't blame her, I know I'm a fool. She's perfect in every way, intelligent, charming, attractive, sexy - it's taken over my life thinking about her and the time we spent together, and it's going to take me months to get over her, if I ever do completely. Has this ever happened to any of you chaps?

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No, it doesn't. But it's life. It happens.

Remember this for next time - and don't let yourself fall in love with someone you're paying for sex. It's not fair on her and selfish of you.

Don't contact her again and don't turn into a stalker (you may not see it as that but it has the potential to become just that).

My advice - see some other girls and soon - and NEVER only see one girl.

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My advice - see some other girls and soon - and NEVER only see one girl.

Good advice, Justagirl. Mixing love with punting is like mixing vinegar with milk - it leaves a bad taste in your mouth.

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Justagirl's advice sounds about right.

Get yourself in the mood by getting your CD of South Pacific on full blast, and singing "I'm going to shag that girl right out of my psyche" (Obviously to tune of "I'm going to wash that man right out of my hair".)

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I fall in love with the girl just about every time I punt but I know 100% for sure it's not reciprocated. Besides, why would I want to divert all my attention to one girl when there's so many more I've still to see.

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It doesn't mix, definitely. You may both be really nice people but the circumstances in which you meet/met are the opposite of what love should be about. You also shouldn't confuse love with lust, very easy to do for a man. I speak as someone, who many years ago, could have written your post! It almost took over my life and it was horrible. Thankfully she didn't know and I stopped seeing her somehow. It still hurt when I used to read her reviews though - crazy or what?

So, bite the bullet and if you are going to punt, do it dispassionately - justagirl has it bang on. Probably not what you weant to hear but think it through, you will realise we are right. Good luck!

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I very much doubt you've fallen in love with an escort - it's impossible to fall in love with someone you've only spent a few hours with. What happens is you create an illusion of the other person based on the limited experience youi have, and get obsessed with that illusion. The two aren't the same thing.

It's never happened to me with a WG, but I used to get completely infatuated with girls all the time when I was younger.

I'd meet a girl, spend a few days, weeks or months having the most incredible, intense time with them, and was devastated when the relationship ended (as it inevitably did), swearing they were the only one for me. Until the next one, who I usually met a week or two later.

I did some research on why this might be, and found out that having hot sex with someone has the same effect on your brain as taking a stack load of drugs. It amps up brain's reward (dopamine) pathways, making you feel AMAZING....

...until it stops. Then you go into withdrawal. You start emailing them, calling them, willing them to pick up the phone, just so you can get another hit of those wonderful neurotransmitters.

In the pick-up community, they have a term for it: "one-itis". The only cure is either to stop completely and divert your energy elsewhere, or go and see a load of other WGs til you find another one who's amazing.

It won't take long. There are plenty of amazing women on the planet. :P

I do sympathise with you - I had a wonderful experience with a WG last week - very sensual and we really 'clicked'. I'd love to go back again next week for a repeat, and that's precisely why I'll see someone else instead.

Because that way madness lies...

M99

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Good advice, Justagirl. Mixing love with punting is like mixing vinegar with milk - it leaves a bad taste in your mouth.

You have such a way with words TB :P;)

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You have such a way with words TB :P:o

And you have such a way with those sexy eyes of yours that makes a punter wonder about possibilities that dare not be contemplated. And don't get me started on those naughty fingers of yours - I'll start to blush ;)

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I felt myself going that way once.. I fought it and deliberatley stopped seeing her.. I think it was for the best. There could never have been anything between us.

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Good advice from all, especially justagirl (spot on, but I sincerely hope I'd never become a stalker!) and arcadian195 and miaow99. Thanks all of you. I know I'm stupid, my heart might have gone but my logic is still there saying "idiot, fool, prat, grow up etc".

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Good advice from all, especially justagirl (spot on, but I sincerely hope I'd never become a stalker!) and arcadian195 and miaow99. Thanks all of you. I know I'm stupid, my heart might have gone but my logic is still there saying "idiot, fool, prat, grow up etc".

At least you've recognised it now, even if the object of your ardour was (rightfully) the one to call things to a halt. My advice echoes the others - move on and do it fast. At least you'll recognise the warning signs and be able to end things yourself if there is a next time.

Best of luck.

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Good advice from all, especially justagirl (spot on, but I sincerely hope I'd never become a stalker!) and arcadian195 and miaow99. Thanks all of you. I know I'm stupid, my heart might have gone but my logic is still there saying "idiot, fool, prat, grow up etc".

Thank you. If it makes you feel any better, in my early & innocent days, I've been in your shoes (though the other way around). And I've also unfortunately had to deal with men "falling in love" with me. I've had to learn how to handle it (not easy and also very painful). It's now my worst nightmare but have learnt to see the signs long before they can - and nip it in the bud pronto. If need be, I choose to stop seeing them.

Just remember - you choose to develop feelings for someone. No, not the initial chemistry. But the deeper & stronger feelings (be that lust/love/infatuation).

Next time you see that coming, walk away before you find yourself in the same position. We all have to learn through experience so don't beat yourself up about this too much. Just learn from it and move on.

Good luck!

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If you're looking for a positive to come out of this, then I would suggest that at least the girl in question has behaved maturely and fairly. Many responsible escorts would do the same, but I'm also quite sure there are several that would be willing to exploit the situation.

I very much doubt you've fallen in love with an escort - it's impossible to fall in love with someone you've only spent a few hours with. What happens is you create an illusion of the other person based on the limited experience you have, and get obsessed with that illusion. The two aren't the same thing.

'Creating an illusion of another person based on limited experience', isn't that precisely what falling in love with anyone is like?

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If you're looking for a positive to come out of this, then I would suggest that at least the girl in question has behaved maturely and fairly. Many responsible escorts would do the same, but I'm also quite sure there are several that would be willing to exploit the situation.

'Creating an illusion of another person based on limited experience', isn't that precisely what falling in love with anyone is like?

Yep - any opinion or feeling you have about anyone is essentially an illusion based on your model of them, which is always incomplete.

But I try not to think about that too much as it makes my head hurt. :P

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I've been lurking on these forums for quite a while and have seen quite a few posts like this where punters have fallen for a WG.

The advice given from most posters points towards stopping visits to the young lady in question, with only a few posters citing examples of where a relationship has worked successfully for them.

This has actually happened to me (falling for a young lady) who I had saw a couple of times - having never been in a proper relationship I really had no idea whether or not my feelings were of "love" or not, only that I knew I felt very very very strongly for her. When I told her how I felt she was very shocked and refused to see me in that capacity moving onwards, however we became friends and I can honestly say personality wise her friendship has made me a better person now than I was then. I used to be very introverted and shy, however she showed me that it's OK to show emotions and "be an individual" - looking back - I can honestly say it was one of the best things I ever did.

In your case, you've received a different kind of answer and it's very important that you recognise it and learn from it (which you seem to have done). As previous posters have mentioned, it is a very very fine line between trying to ask a young lady out and going to the point of stalking her. It's not even a case of her playing hard to get - she's given you a point blank refusal - so however tempted you might be (depending on the strength of your emotions), do not cross that line.

My personal opinion on relationships with "WGs" is that I don't care what job a potential partner does - it's almost similar to vetting whether or not to have a relationship with someone because of their race or because they are disabled - none of these items matter - what matters is whether or not you are able to connect to that person on an emotional level and whether that feeling is reciprocated. If the answer to any of those questions is no - walk away. Being able to objectively assess an emotional connect is in itself almost a paradox, but being able to do this without looking through rose coloured spectacles is also important.

You have to remember - there are plenty of other relationships in the world that have been started (and ended) that have had much more "traditional" methods of meeting someone - who is to say one method is right and one is wrong ? Respecting the thoughts and wishes of the object of your feelings however should be paramount.

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I can sympatise with this gentlemans feelings.

After many many years punting I met a WG in 2005 who was so nice so personable that it threw me completely and it wasnt about the sex which if anything was not as torrid and brilliant as Ive had before.

I too saw this woman an awful lot over about 8 months and in fact spent a small fortune in seeing her.

Then she moved on.

I dont think I was 'in love' with her in the usual sense of the word, but just craved her company , yes it took a while to settle down afterwards.

I cannot explain this as Ive seem loads of WGs from 1974 until now, and never clicked with anyone as I did with that WG.

I am sure she had others like me whom suffered the same reactions to her.

also

The advice NOT to see the same WG a lot, seems a bit strange, i saw one WG on a regular basis from 1995 to 2002 and got to know lots about her life from what was said at sessions etc, yet it was for both of us a business arrangement.

OK I helped her in one or two problems in her life but we never ever drifted towards a 'relationship' it was always WG/Punter.

I beleive this isnt uncommon several posters on this forum have been able to become a regular of one WG for a long time and not allow it to grow away from a business arrangement.

finally, to poke fun at this man who started this thread is unfair, we have heard on here of WGs who have married clients , so as we are all human and suffer the same emotions etc in life I cannot poke fun at this mans dilemma.

r

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My heartfelt thanks to those posters who've shown sympathy and understanding - and empathy too. I know this isn't an agony column and my motives for posting aren't completely clear to me, though I have an unpleasant feeling about them: self-pity. Your sensible down-to-earth comments really have been a great help with giving me some perspective.

Don't you find it fascinating how many guys have felt that tug on their heartstrings? I would never have guessed. Being an inexperienced and infrequent punter I've always been aware of my own weakness for female charms, and my need for affection, but I've always thought it a very personal weakness.

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My heartfelt thanks to those posters who've shown sympathy and understanding - and empathy too. I know this isn't an agony column and my motives for posting aren't completely clear to me, though I have an unpleasant feeling about them: self-pity. Your sensible down-to-earth comments really have been a great help with giving me some perspective.

Don't you find it fascinating how many guys have felt that tug on their heartstrings? I would never have guessed. Being an inexperienced and infrequent punter I've always been aware of my own weakness for female charms, and my need for affection, but I've always thought it a very personal weakness.

What has happened here is very human, so don't think of yourself too badly. It happens.

Try also to contemplate the possibility that, in historical terms, we live in a society that puts a bizarrely high value on romantic 'love' and the aspiration for it. The Romans would have laughed at us and would Jane Austen's heroine, concerned with 'love' but ever alert to whether a prospect had two thousand a year in rents....

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I very much doubt you've fallen in love with an escort - it's impossible to fall in love with someone you've only spent a few hours with. What happens is you create an illusion of the other person based on the limited experience youi have, and get obsessed with that illusion. The two aren't the same thing.

It's never happened to me with a WG, but I used to get completely infatuated with girls all the time when I was younger.

I'd meet a girl, spend a few days, weeks or months having the most incredible, intense time with them, and was devastated when the relationship ended (as it inevitably did), swearing they were the only one for me. Until the next one, who I usually met a week or two later.

I did some research on why this might be, and found out that having hot sex with someone has the same effect on your brain as taking a stack load of drugs. It amps up brain's reward (dopamine) pathways, making you feel AMAZING....

...until it stops. Then you go into withdrawal. You start emailing them, calling them, willing them to pick up the phone, just so you can get another hit of those wonderful neurotransmitters.

In the pick-up community, they have a term for it: "one-itis". The only cure is either to stop completely and divert your energy elsewhere, or go and see a load of other WGs til you find another one who's amazing.

It won't take long. There are plenty of amazing women on the planet. :P

I do sympathise with you - I had a wonderful experience with a WG last week - very sensual and we really 'clicked'. I'd love to go back again next week for a repeat, and that's precisely why I'll see someone else instead.

Because that way madness lies...

M99

Brilliant post. Infatuation is exactly what it is, it's nothing more but no less difficult to deal with if you allow it to take hold.

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Brilliant post. Infatuation is exactly what it is, it's nothing more but no less difficult to deal with if you allow it to take hold.

Infatuation its a beginning and a first stage of love. You ain't going to fell in love, unless you infatuated first. Might last, might not. Mine did and progressed to LOVE.

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No, it doesn't. But it's life. It happens.

Remember this for next time - and don't let yourself fall in love with someone you're paying for sex. It's not fair on her and selfish of you.

Don't contact her again and don't turn into a stalker (you may not see it as that but it has the potential to become just that).

My advice - see some other girls and soon - and NEVER only see one girl.

As others have said good advice. I know a punter who only punts with one lady but its strictly business, his view is she offers him the sex he requires so whats the point of going elsewhere until or unless she moves on, or he gets bored. Others on here have posted they do the same, so seeing only one lady can work dependent on the individuals involved of course.

I require variety personally.

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Loving someone is fine as long as you put their feelings first and if you do love them you should be empathetic enough to know what their feelings are. But then some people can't deal with being loved if they don't feel the same way thinking that you will demand a return of your feelings for them. It's a pity she was one of them because it sounded like you were well aware of not pressurising her.

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