ladyofthemansion

What is the craziest thing a punter's brought with him?

38 posts in this topic

Had a gentleman call the other evening requesting if he could bring his 2 bull terriers as he could not leave in his van as they were worth money and would be stolen. I suggested he visit me when he doesn't have the dogs with him. He agrees and reschedules for yesterday morning.

When he turns up he's only carrying a huge chainsaw. "I cant leave it in the van" he says. "its worth 400 pounds"

I explained to him that I have seen the film "the chainsaw massacre" so would prefer he didn't bring it in. He reluctantly put it in his van.

As it happens he turned out to be a nice chap but I wasn't taking any chances.

Can any of you beat that?

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Had a gentleman call the other evening requesting if he could bring his 2 bull terriers as he could not leave in his van as they were worth money and would be stolen. I suggested he visit me when he doesn't have the dogs with him. He agrees and reschedules for yesterday morning.

When he turns up he's only carrying a huge chainsaw. "I cant leave it in the van" he says. "its worth 400 pounds"

I explained to him that I have seen the film "the chainsaw massacre" so would prefer he didn't bring it in. He reluctantly put it in his van.

As it happens he turned out to be a nice chap but I wasn't taking any chances.

Can any of you beat that?

No. You win.

Congratulations, your clients are loopier than mine.

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Had a gentleman call the other evening requesting if he could bring his 2 bull terriers as he could not leave in his van as they were worth money and would be stolen. I suggested he visit me when he doesn't have the dogs with him. He agrees and reschedules for yesterday morning.

When he turns up he's only carrying a huge chainsaw. "I cant leave it in the van" he says. "its worth 400 pounds"

I explained to him that I have seen the film "the chainsaw massacre" so would prefer he didn't bring it in. He reluctantly put it in his van.

As it happens he turned out to be a nice chap but I wasn't taking any chances.

Can any of you beat that?

I think I know this bloke. He parked his van on a rather dodgy looking housing estate, and two kids said "a tenner to look after your van mate"

He said "Don't worry I've got two bull terriers in the back"

"Can they put fires out?" :D

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Wow,personally i cannot top that,lol.

The craziest thing a guy brought to me was an odd little plastic ear bud shaped thingy to pop in and out of his japs eye as if i was fucking it, it was odd at the time as i had heard of but never enountere such a thing, he also had water balloons for boobie in his bra which travelled down his front whilst he was sitting astride me riding my strap-on, when i pointed out the wandering boobie he took them out and threw them over his shoulder in one of the hod3 bedrooms with much abandon, i screamed as i thought they were going to pop all over then bedroom, luckily they just bounced.

I did go on an outcall years ago and was handed the snapped off handle of a weight lifting machine and asked to "shove this up my arse and fuck me with it darlin", i obliged and started to see the guy regularly, he also produced an american baseball bat and asked me to shove that up there too handle first on another occasion,much fun he was.hehehe.xxx

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What is the craziest thing a punter's brought with him?

s t i n g i n g

n e t t l e s

( a whole sackful of them )

:D

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A Goldfish...????!!!!!

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A towel and as pair of swimming trunks.

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A box of cake mix and an apron with bra and knickers picture on the front.

:rolleyes:

joke :D

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No. You win.

Congratulations, your clients are loopier than mine.

He actually turned out to be nice and am quite sure he wasn't going to slice me.

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A lady I visited, whom I have now seen a few times, was somewhat surprised when I arrived at my first appointment with her clutching a large roll of bubble wrap. I'm still not sure whether she was relieved or disappointed when I told her that I was going to use it to send a pastels sketch to someone.

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I wanted to take my camouflage combat pants with me, but I couldn't find them ! :D

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I was told that a bloke turned up at a party and wore pyjamas throughout.

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We had a bloke turn up wearing a hand knitted balaclava and a note from his mum excusing him from 'games' due to an ear infection.

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Had a gentleman call the other evening requesting if he could bring his 2 bull terriers as he could not leave in his van as they were worth money and would be stolen. I suggested he visit me when he doesn't have the dogs with him. He agrees and reschedules for yesterday morning.

When he turns up he's only carrying a huge chainsaw. "I cant leave it in the van" he says. "its worth 400 pounds"

I explained to him that I have seen the film "the chainsaw massacre" so would prefer he didn't bring it in. He reluctantly put it in his van.

As it happens he turned out to be a nice chap but I wasn't taking any chances.

Can any of you beat that?

That's funny Lady M, did you just make that up ?! :D:p

No, I can't beat that at all lol. I've had guy's turn up with all sorts of objects, things, bits and bobs.

One guy brought a pink tickle stick, and some velvet gloves and chifon top/nightie once, he liked the feel of it against his skin. That was cute.

Another brought dress up clothes to dress up as a lady, which I quite liked, he then proceeded to lay on the bed next to me saying, 'Oh those filthy punting wa*****s are just so awful arn't they ??!' 'we're just good girls'.

So, I found that quite interesting and hilarious :rolleyes:

Another guy brought this picture of his ex along with him to a booking and wanted to wank all over it at the end.

Suppose it made him feel better! :mad: xxxxx

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'Oh those filthy punting wa*****s are just so awful arn't they ??!' 'we're just good girls'.

Like it! Never done role play before but I could go with that one!!! :);):eek:

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When I workd in a parlour, a gentleman arrived bearing one of these:

http://www.johnlewis.com/18420/Style.aspx

Now I quite like retro lingerie, but this particular bra had been hand modified - seemingly with the aid of a pair of scissors wielded by a blind mongoose - to cut out part of the cup to make it a 'peephole' bra - well, not so much a peephole, more a french window.

He also brought with him a blouse that looked like my grandma's. I've worn some strange and exotic things in my time but that really took it to a new level.

What was worst was when he asked the receptionist to come in and watch for a bit. She could NOT keep a straight face as I bounced around on the bed, bursting out of the windows in this hideous bra.

Of course, I've had a number of other items turn up as part of my BDSM and domination stuff - I have a full set of urethral sounds, so the cotton buds are not necessary any more, but the stinging nettles have been brought along before now. The most peculiar stuff is stuff I already own :eek:

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I was told that a bloke turned up at a party and wore pyjamas throughout.

He did, and he brought his matching slippers too. And of course i have met the infamous Kinky Pete at various straight venues, who always has his stockings, suspenders, high heels and tutu with him in case they will let him wear them, thankfully i have only seen him in them at a provider i no longer go to. He put me right off.:eek:;)

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Had a gentleman call the other evening requesting if he could bring his 2 bull terriers as he could not leave in his van as they were worth money and would be stolen. I suggested he visit me when he doesn't have the dogs with him. He agrees and reschedules for yesterday morning.

When he turns up he's only carrying a huge chainsaw. "I cant leave it in the van" he says. "its worth 400 pounds"

I explained to him that I have seen the film "the chainsaw massacre" so would prefer he didn't bring it in. He reluctantly put it in his van.

As it happens he turned out to be a nice chap but I wasn't taking any chances.

Can any of you beat that?

I would of had nightmares for a week if someone had turned up with a chainsaw :eek:

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I would of had nightmares for a week if someone had turned up with a chainsaw ;)

At least it sounds as if he left his hockey mask in the van. :):eek:

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A shotgun.

Aparently under the terms of your licence you should not leave it in your vehicle for any length of time - should be in a locked building.

Apart from that?

I'll have to think. Of course there is the odd occasion where chaps turn up with lingerie for themselves to dress up in but that's a little run of the mill.

A chap once brought a bag full of angora sweaters, cardigans and tops with him for us both to wear. He was my first 'Angora' and lots of fun.

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Craziest thing I ever took to a punt was my imagination:D

Might have left it behind on other occasions though:(

WGs are always the best judge of how crazily imaginative a punter is though, huh?

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A chap once brought a bag full of angora sweaters, cardigans and tops with him for us both to wear. He was my first 'Angora' and lots of fun.

Ahh, he sounds like an absolute bunny rabbit! :eek:

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Pegs, a whip and a paddling pool..

With the comment 'I want you to put the pegs all over me, whip me and then pee on me in the paddling pool.. Since I do not offer domination services it was a little bit of a giggling/ackward moment for me there :eek:

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He did, and he brought his matching slippers too. And of course i have met the infamous Kinky Pete at various straight venues, who always has his stockings, suspenders, high heels and tutu with him in case they will let him wear them, thankfully i have only seen him in them at a provider i no longer go to. He put me right off.:):)

:D I am trying to remember where my teddy bear is. :eek:;)

I'm rather pleased I've not met Kinky Pete on my travels.

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I brought a gun with me once (I had just collected it from it's storage space in London and was on my way home with it). As I'd seen her many times before it didn't matter.

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