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SaSfan

The Punternet version of .....

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A warm welcome (original here), with apologies to Rowan Atkinson.

The first and last paragraphs are from the original, I sure that you can make some additions and possibly someone would like to pen a version for the ladies.

Ah, hello.. it's nice to see you all here.. Now, as the more perceptive of you'd probably realised by now, this is hell.. and I am the devil, good evening.. ah, but you can call me Toby if you'd like, we try to keep things informal here, as well as infernal.. that's just a little joke of mine, I tell it every time.. Now!. you're all here, for... eternity. Ooh!.. which I hardly need to tell you, it's a heck of a long time. Umm, you'll all get to know each other pretty well by the end, but for now, am I going to have to split you up into groups.. will you stop screaming!?.. thank you..

Now, could the Sorry-luv-I've-got-the-decorators-in-(after taking the money) come over here please.. that's right, next to the paint tins marked "NAPALM", thank you... Anal-at-discretion-you're-too-big-(after taking the money) over here.. what was that?... yes they are baseball bats… I-love-my-job-I'm-always-wet-and-up-for-it-(aka chuck your muck (once) and fuck off) if you could join them and I've-just-got-to-go-and-pay-the-driver, you're in that lot. Uh, Bait-and-switchers if you could step forward.. my God, there are a lot of you.. uh, can I split you up into Stock-photos and Picture-thieves.. Picture-thieves if you could just form a line in front of that wall over there and put your hands through the handily placed holes, thank you. Uhh, AceMassage, are you here?.. are you sure you're AceMassage?.... well if you say so, but to be perfectly honest I'm not convinced…. would you mind if I borrow your picture verifier for a moment, a Mr David Blunkett I believe, just to be sure…. good, that all seems to be in order, thank you… now if you'd just like to come down here with Blonde Escorts.. I'm sure you'll have plenty of holiday snaps to show each other. Okay, umm, Genuine-early-twenties…. Genuine-early-twenties?.. over here please, the Carbon 14 dating team will be with you shortly. And finally Conversational-English, Conversational-English?.. ah yes, I have some news for you and it is not good, you see a conversation in English is not entirely limited to "Fuck me baby". If you could come down here, that would be really kind. Thank you.

Okay, right. Well, are there any questions? Yes? No, I'm afraid we don't have any toilets. Um, if you read your bible, you might have seen that it was Damnation without relief, so if you didn't go before you came, then I'm afraid that you're not going to enjoy yourself very much, but then I believe that's the idea. Okay, well it's over to you, Adolf and I'll catch you all later at the barbeque.. bye!

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A warm welcome (original here), with apologies to Rowan Atkinson.

The first and last paragraphs are from the original, I sure that you can make some additions and possibly someone would like to pen a version for the ladies.

Ah, hello.. it's nice to see you all here.. Now, as the more perceptive of you'd probably realised by now, this is hell.. and I am the devil, good evening.. ah, but you can call me Toby if you'd like, we try to keep things informal here, as well as infernal.. that's just a little joke of mine, I tell it every time.. Now!. you're all here, for... eternity. Ooh!.. which I hardly need to tell you, it's a heck of a long time. Umm, you'll all get to know each other pretty well by the end, but for now, am I going to have to split you up into groups.. will you stop screaming!?.. thank you..

Now, could the Sorry-luv-I've-got-the-decorators-in-(after taking the money) come over here please.. that's right, next to the paint tins marked "NAPALM", thank you... Anal-at-discretion-you're-too-big-(after taking the money) over here.. what was that?... yes they are baseball bats… I-love-my-job-I'm-always-wet-and-up-for-it-(aka chuck your muck (once) and fuck off) if you could join them and I've-just-got-to-go-and-pay-the-driver, you're in that lot. Uh, Bait-and-switchers if you could step forward.. my God, there are a lot of you.. uh, can I split you up into Stock-photos and Picture-thieves.. Picture-thieves if you could just form a line in front of that wall over there and put your hands through the handily placed holes, thank you. Uhh, AceMassage, are you here?.. are you sure you're AceMassage?.... well if you say so, but to be perfectly honest I'm not convinced…. would you mind if I borrow your picture verifier for a moment, a Mr David Blunkett I believe, just to be sure…. good, that all seems to be in order, thank you… now if you'd just like to come down here with Blonde Escorts.. I'm sure you'll have plenty of holiday snaps to show each other. Okay, umm, Genuine-early-twenties…. Genuine-early-twenties?.. over here please, the Carbon 14 dating team will be with you shortly. And finally Conversational-English, Conversational-English?.. ah yes, I have some news for you and it is not good, you see a conversation in English is not entirely limited to "Fuck me baby". If you could come down here, that would be really kind. Thank you.

Okay, right. Well, are there any questions? Yes? No, I'm afraid we don't have any toilets. Um, if you read your bible, you might have seen that it was Damnation without relief, so if you didn't go before you came, then I'm afraid that you're not going to enjoy yourself very much, but then I believe that's the idea. Okay, well it's over to you, Adolf and I'll catch you all later at the barbeque.. bye!

You are in DESPERATE need of a holiday!:)

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*chuckles

S x

Ty Sas :)

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A warm welcome (original here), with apologies to Rowan Atkinson.

Brilliant stuff SaSfan. BTW, you forgot ladies-who-fake-watersports :):D.

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Brilliant stuff SaSfan. BTW, you forgot ladies-who-fake-watersports ;):D.

or who suddenly discover they have sore gums.;)

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possibly someone would like to pen a version for the ladies.

I read these words and immediately thought 'oh yes I could do that'.

I then read your version and realised I couldn't hope to match it.

Great stuff.

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... possibly someone would like to pen a version for the ladies.

Your wish is my command:

Ah, hello.. it's nice to see you all here.. Now, as the more perceptive of you'd probably realised by now, this is hell.. and I am the devil, good evening.. ah, but you can call me Toby if you'd like, we try to keep things informal here, as well as infernal.. that's just a little joke of mine, I tell it every time.. Now!. you're all here, for... eternity. Ooh!.. which I hardly need to tell you, it's a heck of a long time. Umm, you'll all get to know each other pretty well by the end, but for now, am I going to have to split you up into groups.. will you stop screaming!?.. thank you..

Now, could the "I've just been looking at your website, could I have some details please" contingent come over here please.. that's right, just wait there next to the sign that says 'Literacy Classes', thank you... Now, those of you that use the old "Can you do it bareback, I don't see anyone else" - yes, you lot, over here.. what was that?... yes , it is wire-brush-and-Dettol, yes - Billy Connolly kindly helped us with that one… Now let's see - 'I've got a 12" cock, will you be able to handle it", yes, you, and you, and, yes, several of you I see... If you could just pop into the room with the steaming piles of dung, I think you'll be able to feel quite at home in there. Oh, and you lot - 'The last escort I saw said I was the best she'd ever had' - yes, if you could join them and "I can cum 14 times in an hour" , you're in that lot. Uh, Timewasters, if you could step forward.. my God, there are a lot of you.. uh, can I split you up into No-shows and Phone Wankers.. No-shows if you could just form a line in front of that wall over there and put your HEADS through the handily placed holes, thank you. - and Wankers, you'll be needing the smaller holes situated below. Uhh, JRC, are you here?.. What's that? He's late? Traffic AGAIN?.... well if you say so, but to be perfectly honest I'm not convinced…. So then …. good, it's all going frightfully well, isn't it? Okay, umm, yes, those of you who 'showered just before you came out' - yes, ALL of you - yes I KNOW it's a bit crowded, I'm sorry. Anyway, it's a two-step programme for you, so first you're off to the Wire Brush and Dettol and THEN you'll be joining the Wankers.….. And finally "How much to f*ck you, babe"? Gosh, you're all very young, aren't you... ah yes, I have some news for you and it is not good, you see the exclusive elite escorts and courtesans prefer it if you just push the money through the letterbox and leave. If you could come down here, that would be really kind. Thank you.

Okay, right. Well, are there any questions? Yes? No, I'm afraid we don't have any toilets. Um, if you read your bible, you might have seen that it was Damnation without relief, so if you didn't go before you came, then I'm afraid that you're not going to enjoy yourself very much, but then I believe that's the idea. Okay, well it's over to you, Adolf and I'll catch you all later at the barbeque.. bye!

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Your wish is my command:

Ah, hello.. it's nice to see you all here.. Now, as the more perceptive of you'd probably realised by now, this is hell.. and I am the devil, good evening.. ah, but you can call me Toby if you'd like, we try to keep things informal here, as well as infernal.. that's just a little joke of mine, I tell it every time.. Now!. you're all here, for... eternity. Ooh!.. which I hardly need to tell you, it's a heck of a long time. Umm, you'll all get to know each other pretty well by the end, but for now, am I going to have to split you up into groups.. will you stop screaming!?.. thank you..

Now, could the "I've just been looking at your website, could I have some details please" contingent come over here please.. that's right, just wait there next to the sign that says 'Literacy Classes', thank you... Now, those of you that use the old "Can you do it bareback, I don't see anyone else" - yes, you lot, over here.. what was that?... yes , it is wire-brush-and-Dettol, yes - Billy Connolly kindly helped us with that one… Now let's see - 'I've got a 12" cock, will you be able to handle it", yes, you, and you, and, yes, several of you I see... If you could just pop into the room with the steaming piles of dung, I think you'll be able to feel quite at home in there. Oh, and you lot - 'The last escort I saw said I was the best she'd ever had' - yes, if you could join them and "I can cum 14 times in an hour" , you're in that lot. Uh, Timewasters, if you could step forward.. my God, there are a lot of you.. uh, can I split you up into No-shows and Phone Wankers.. No-shows if you could just form a line in front of that wall over there and put your HEADS through the handily placed holes, thank you. - and Wankers, you'll be needing the smaller holes situated below. Uhh, JRC, are you here?.. What's that? He's late? Traffic AGAIN?.... well if you say so, but to be perfectly honest I'm not convinced…. So then …. good, it's all going frightfully well, isn't it? Okay, umm, yes, those of you who 'showered just before you came out' - yes, ALL of you - yes I KNOW it's a bit crowded, I'm sorry. Anyway, it's a two-step programme for you, so first you're off to the Wire Brush and Dettol and THEN you'll be joining the Wankers.….. And finally "How much to f*ck you, babe"? Gosh, you're all very young, aren't you... ah yes, I have some news for you and it is not good, you see the exclusive elite escorts and courtesans prefer it if you just push the money through the letterbox and leave. If you could come down here, that would be really kind. Thank you.

Okay, right. Well, are there any questions? Yes? No, I'm afraid we don't have any toilets. Um, if you read your bible, you might have seen that it was Damnation without relief, so if you didn't go before you came, then I'm afraid that you're not going to enjoy yourself very much, but then I believe that's the idea. Okay, well it's over to you, Adolf and I'll catch you all later at the barbeque.. bye!

Thank you Ma'am, that restores the balance quite nicely, I'll see if I can dream up a related subject that lends itself to a joint effort.

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