ilikeskinny

edinburgh

27 posts in this topic

Going up there soon. Any tips or places to avoid??

Also im quite partial to sleazy lap dance places - any ideas?

cheers

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Simple

Base yourself in Bread Steet (Point Hotel) and you're spoilt for choice. Spent three cracking nights there over last New Year break - there's a choice of three establishments 50 yards up the road....

I spent a great evening in the Burke & Hare, and popped back in the next lunchtime for 'hair of the dog', and ended up staying in there all afternoon.

There are two others within a stones throw, but I was informed they are not a patch on the B&H.

Also on Midlothian Road was Sapphire Rooms, but not sure if still open....

There are others as well, but I stuck to the ones above due to location.....Take in an escort as well, and you're sorted ;)

GT

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The area is known as the pubic triangle, have never visited the places myself, friend of mine had a couple of hundred quid stolen from him during a private dance, plus a night in the cells after the ensuing fracas.

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Mon-Thu before 7pm in the Triangle, the dances are only a fiver.

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I think the rudest dances are at the Fantasy Palace on Shandwick Place. Something to do with no CCTV and the fact the girls pay the security boy to look the other way. Not unusual to get a hand down your trousers which deffo adds to the fun.

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cheers guys

fantasy palace and b&h sound good - any more tips for where i can get my end away after watching all those horny naked chicks.

Like the name suggests i like em young, petite, skinny small tits. any ideas?

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Mon-Thu before 7pm in the Triangle, the dances are only a fiver.

£5 dances are only in the Western Bar.

For more detailed info, look in www.tuscl.net ("The Ultimate Strip Club List") - a US site but with posts on/from Scotland.

I can also confirm what Steptoe says - that the Fantasy Palace is far and away the highest "mileage" club anywhere I know of in the UK. I particularly recommend Ashley and Becky (Scottish girls) and Christina (Hungarian).

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I think the rudest dances are at the Fantasy Palace on Shandwick Place. Something to do with no CCTV and the fact the girls pay the security boy to look the other way. Not unusual to get a hand down your trousers which deffo adds to the fun.

Gone are the days when one could frig a willing girl off in a tacky booth of the old Burke & Hare. :D

Have generally avoided Fantasy Palace on grounds of cost. Are you paying extra or having several dances to establish trust before hand-down-the-pants maybe occurs? - Sounds like a bit of fun, but not if I'm walking out seventy quid lighter.

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B&H had also offered £5 dances on occasion post-renovation, but is far more money-extraction minded than the Western, which has a long narrow (usually well-lit bar where the girls ply their dances or just chat to customers.

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If you're sleazing in pubic triangle there are ample other facilities nearby. I can't remember if the nearest sauna, just past the sex shop and round the corner in Spittal Street, is still open (not that highly recommended even if it is), but you have Ambassadors on Lothian Rd just a couple of minutes away. Even better value, several indies, mostly students, work from flats in nearby Grassmarket. Naturally we can't give details on here haha.

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The sauna on spital st has changed to become the "after eight club", a swingers club.

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Well spotted pooter - thanx. Bit off topic but handy 2 know esp when swinger friends come up from down south.

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just had nice punt with hotel receptionist (unlisted). Kinda nice when you discover by accident that some girls work 'privately.' :confused:

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just had nice punt with hotel receptionist (unlisted). Kinda nice when you discover by accident that some girls work 'privately.' :confused:

This lady wasnt from the Dumbarton/Loch Lomond area, was she?

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This lady wasnt from the Dumbarton/Loch Lomond area, was she?

Nope. But maybe we can do a swap one day. What was yours like?

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I think the rudest dances are at the Fantasy Palace on Shandwick Place. Something to do with no CCTV and the fact the girls pay the security boy to look the other way. Not unusual to get a hand down your trousers which deffo adds to the fun.

In spite of the cost, I decided to give it a whirl. Lapdance clubs are not really my thing but when it's on my doorstep it's nice to have an idea of what the score is.

Comments just my experience and opinions only.

Friday night late (they have a license till 3am tho I didn't stay that late. Got there a bit before midnight. Busy with girls and punters. The interior has been revamped since I looked in many moons ago. Centre cage stage with erotic gyrating every so often (not nude). Good looking girls, well-dressed punters. Notice on the wall says 10 quid for a three minute dance, though most of them seem to ask if you want an 'extra dirty' one for 20. Girls aren't any pushier than most places. They give you time to get comfy (set your stopwatch, haha) then sidle over to do their seductive routine and dumb questions about have you been to a Fringe show tonight* and the predictable afterthought, would you care for a dance? This bit often accompanied by a firm grip and an attempt to drag you forcibly into the anteroom.

The anteroom comprises a series of comfy couches, one per punter/dancer combo. No privacy, but you do get to see the other dancers naked opposite so swings & roundabouts. The 'VIP' section is identical - an extension of the room that might be closed in quiet periods. Dances are the same too.

Jacks & coke comes to a fiver. £4 if the barman doesn't charge you for the coke (in the hope of getting the odd pound coin, duly offered you on a silver tray, as a tip?) Allow girls to caress and entice for a bit while polishing please go-away-nicely lines to get a space to think and view the territory. Try some banter with one or two but the foreign ones are maybe a little slow on Scottish humour and the local ones might prefer you concentrated on their task in hand rather than extend small talk. I soon established the bouncers were officially or unofficially unaware of any girls names, so not easy to check out the forum recommendations. (After about ten had introduced themselves, I more or less gave up on hoping to meet Ashley, Becky or Christina.)

Girl 1: Kelly. Scottish. Blonde. Fairly young. Looks 8/10, Dance 4/10, personality in abeyance due to work commitment. :eek: Had 2nd dance with her out of sheer stupidity and mild curiosity.

Girl 2: Naomi. Older. Large breasted. Mixed ethnic background perhaps. Tells me she has a house in Turkey and has been lapdancing for 17years. Looks 5/10, Dance 8/10, Personality 7/10. Had 2nd dances which were 'excellent' VFM (for the time & venue). And a 3rd dance which wasn't.

Girl 3: Holly. Says she's 21 but looks more like 18. Very petite blonde, perfect features. Looks 9/10, Dance 7/10, Personality 9/10. In terms of what was there, she ought to get 10s for Looks and personality I suppose, but I'm not that generous. Would look out for her if I went again just to enjoy her company and chat to her (and told her this). Having chatted with 'real conversation' for ten minutes and zero pressure, asked for a dance simply to get to know her that way and she is beautiful after all so why not.

£10 or £20?

As far as I can tell there is absolutely no difference whatsoever other than the amount of money left in your wallet afterwards.

Kelly.

Physically she is a genotype I go for - skinny blonde, small chest - so eventually thought I'd succumb to a tenner's worth with her and see what she was like. She immediately asked me to upgrade to a £20 dance and I was still curious (even to the extent of 'how much will she play me for a sucker or not' sort of thing). Well if you've ever spent a night with someone who is all knees and elbows, you get the idea. I told her more than once that the contact was nice: trying to break it (my erect penis, beneath my trousers) was not. She threw herself at it, up and down, etc, as if it was hand-to-hand combat without the hands. Just using her body to knock the sh*t out of me. Pleased when it was over. I think she was aware I was less than impressed but I thought sod it, I'm just in, I'm not gonna exchange scowls with her for the rest of the night. Smiled. It was funny. In a way. Realising I'm not going to go mental at her, she uses my genial smile 20 minutes later to come in for another pitch. This time she's offering a £10 dance with extra tracks and full touching. "With me touching you?" I enquire. "Yes," she says. This is straightforward, firm voice, eye-contact. In the ante-room, she immediately asks if I want a 10 or 20 and puts on a sulk expression when I remind her we said 10. Hardly any touching this time - me or her - though there is slightly less damage from knees and elbows. Any attempt to touch on my part and she moves swiftly out of range. I've known women on coke that are easier to deal with.

Naomi.

Naomi has learnt how to be sensual in her 17 years dancing 'around the world.' She does her job well, leaning, stroking enticing and all that. The large breasts are excellent (and in excellent shape) and useful for prolonged contact. Fleeting hint of nipple in mouth. Positioned at one point so my hand is out of sight and she allows me to touch her pussy briefly before eyeballing me with a serious smile and saying, "If you want to do that it's going to cost you." (I come back with something about the bank of england.) She pitches me successfully for a second £10 dance at the end of the first. After that I tell her I want to make the evening last and will defer till later for a third one. Her sales patter is excellent and she's a woman that knows how to be sexy. Much later (last dance of the night) I accepted a £20 dance from her. Mistake. VIP area - other lounge was too busy - and although it was a sexy and enjoyable lapdance there was less hand contact than the previous one. Bit of an anticlimax. But hell, she was doing her job. If I was generous I could say she was disappointed I had had a dance with Holly inbetween, against her specific 'instruction.' But what the hell, she was fast-witted and at least could dance empathetically. If there was a forum for talking to lapdancers it would be called SuckerNet.

Holly.

Prettiest, or easily one of the prettiest there. I initially didn't take too much notice - lapdancers that pretty can get away with being too far up themselves to see daylight. But she was much better than that. The only girl I could genuinely say I noticed had a sparkle in her eyes and her face. My guess is that she was new, and she soon confirmed it was her first night when we got chatting. She's previously worked at Liquorice (a less attractive but similarly priced joint in the Tollcross area) and she had just moved. Conversation was genuine, animated and thoroughly delightful. Like a lot of girls her age, she wants to save up some money to holiday in Ibiza (if you are aware of nightclub prices in Ibiza you will realise this is quite a financial undertaking). We talked about lapdance clubs and nightclubs generally and I enjoyed hearing her views and her thoughts on how she approaches the job. The dance was almost an afterthought. Stunning body, perfect ivory skin. Fleeting brush of my hand against her pussy. Very nice.

So no hand-down-the pants. And at £80 for dances, £10 admission, £14 for three drinks, it cost well over a half hour with an escort that would luxuriously do hand-down-pants and a wholelottaelse. Maybe even an hour's worth at special offer rates. The dances at FP are more raunchy than in the private booths of the pubic triangle lapdance pubs, more expensive at the end of the night, and of course there are still lines that will doubtless rarely be crossed. But we all know lapdance bars are not VFM. I suppose it would be a respectably slutty place to meet business associates. :D

I think perhaps the best lapdances I have experienced were US ones before Noah's Flood or whatever. Down in Virginia, Portsmouth, I think. The first one had rows of long tables and chairs. Like an old-fashioned school dining room almost. Many of the dancers were of Chinese extraction. They'd take you to a chair and gyrate in your lap. Your hands could go anywhere. Right up inside them. As long as it was 'reasonably' discreet and gentle. They made no overt attempt to get you off but didn't object to any amount of excitement. Repeated dances with a girl you got on with could have the two of you cumming unceremoniously while sitting on the barely padded seat. The one time it happened to me, we both just sat there panting for five minutes afterwards till we'd got our breath back and the next song had finished. :D

Determined to investigate as far as I could, I searched out the most seedy looking lapdance club I could find in Portsmouth. The sign was barely visible from the road and I got the distinct feeling that one of the girls was popping in and out as a 'lookout.' You went in and it was more like a 5-minute parlour than anything else. The scantily clad girl of your choice would work her bunda the way she might a vigorous hand job. Talk about frottage!

I have known occasional instances, not of FS, but of totally outrageous near-coupling in Edinburgh. The old Burke and Hare used to have just one cubicle with a piece of wood as a door that almost fit. What went on was largely up to how much you and the girl got on. That was before harridans with big voodoo needles went round bursting little bubbles of disgustingly spontaneous happiness . . . :D

*Edinburgh's annual arts festival, the biggest in the world, over three weeks in August with around 3000 different shows in every available nookhole of a venue. Yeah right. Like lapdancers are interested(?)

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Nice report Highthlandstormcock, you are the judith chalmers of the edinburgh sex trade. I have never visited a lap dancing bar, but there seems to be a fair amount of crossover between saunas and these bars. Mainly girls moving to saunas from the clubs. Though not all parlour girls can lapdance, there is a bit of movement from saunas to bars.

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Nice report Highthlandstormcock, you are the judith chalmers of the edinburgh sex trade.

Now now my dear Pooter - you'll be revealing my secret identity ahead of time at that rate!

Do mind all this is only for research. It's for that new show on Channel 5 called, "Don't you Wish you Were With Loose Women."

Perhaps you've seen the plug?

The idea is I get my knickers off at various places round town, give massages in a dark room, and contestants have to guess how loose my p*ss-flaps are. Well I had a look at those young beginners last night, and I can tell you, they've hardly got enough to wrap a sandwich.

-------------------------------------------

Tour starts next Monday. Get your hand

in now!!! First timers welcome - it won't

hurt - in fact you won't feel a thing. I'm

available all month - no f*nny pads on a

good old 'un like me, lads! Why wait!

***This week only! Special offers on

'gums only' - I'll empty your rucksack***

-------------------------------------------

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guys what can is ay - went to burke and hare and the one next to it (name escapes me)

compared to london more hot girls and the dances are so much more up close by the end my cock was drenched and i was ready to shoot in my pants

best girl definitely the stacey slater lookalike who rubbed her tits in my face

why cant london probide that level of personal hot dancing?

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guys what can is ay - went to burke and hare and the one next to it (name escapes me)

compared to london more hot girls and the dances are so much more up close by the end my cock was drenched and i was ready to shoot in my pants

best girl definitely the stacey slater lookalike who rubbed her tits in my face

why cant london probide that level of personal hot dancing?

Fantasy Palace on Shandwick Place girls are even hotter!

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Brings back some fond memories of the old burke and hare, where dancing was on a pool table and invited audience participation when the dancers felt raunchy enough, and the one area for a 5 quid PD, which merely had a partition seperating you from the rest of the pub, but much naughtiness still went on ;)

In particular remember a dancer called claire, dressed in leather, a minor edinburgh legend!

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In particular remember a dancer called claire, dressed in leather, a minor edinburgh legend!

That brings back memories mo: I remember listening with fascination to her explaining the vertical scars on her breasts - she'd had a reduction, and had earlier been picked on at school because her breasts were just too large. they must have hurt her back too at one time too, and also listening to her love of the art books sold in the nearby second hand booksellers. She took me for a dance where she treated me like the naughty boy I am by putting her index finger in her mouth, drawing it down her cleavage, then waggling it in a telling off manner, then putting on a crucifix for me, and slapping me about the face for still thinking rude thoughts ( she had cleared it with the manageress that it was ok to give a punter the Scarlett O'Hara - Rhett Butler treatment if he agreed ). And afterwards went for the lesbian show with her and Stacey.

Can't remember the cost but definitely worth it :)

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Had many, many dances with Claire & well remember the pool table - even when it actually WAS a pool table, the folding partition, and full-on lapdances for £5 in the open when it was quiet. Back in the day the star for me there was an American girl called Eva who also did double dances with a Russian girl Titania. Both of them allowed touching for double the price so 2 girls together with extra touching (kissing their tits and fondling their tits and bums) was only £20 a session. Memories !

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guys what can is ay - went to burke and hare and the one next to it (name escapes me)

There are a couple next to burke and hare, the one across the road is the western bar. I've had some top dances in there, particularly from Hannah who is recognisable by a good size ass. Decent value too in midweek.

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Visited Edinburgh yesterday allegedly to see the Pipers, the St Ninians procession and the Pope in his bullet-proof ice cream van.

Afterwards did another Trinity of the Burke&Hare, Western Bar and Fantasy Palace - what can I say, but just a fabulous way to spend an afternoon.

Burke&Hare 7/10 - girls a bit skinny, £5/dance in the day, and a bit dull compared to the other two

Western Bar 9/10 - not a flashy place at all, but very friendly, both the mongers and the girls, £5/dance in the day, and two EE girls who danced for me cupped my plums every couple of minutes just to make sure everything was sitting comfortably. Well after not much of this, I had a boner parallel to my thigh in the direction of my knee which had no means of upward release as my trous were too tight, so not comfortable at all, but GREAT. This place would have got top mark but for the prevalence of Elizabeth Duke style hooped charva ear-rings which are a turn-off for me. The older girls at the next place seemed to choose classier jewellery.

Fantasy Palace 9.5/10 - £10/dance, but instead of stools to sit, it's a couch so you get straddled as the girl gives you a mock titty suffocation. Had a dance with an Arabian girl who's body had every decoration known, bejewelled from her tongue to her hood, and everywhere between. And my favourite Isabella with her posh domineering voice and a scarlet dress ( LRD? ).

Lord, forgive my sins :o

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