No. 103174 - Published 6 Apr 2011
Unsurprisingly she is not the girl in pictures. She is easily mid 30s, not 20 as she states and more than a bit flabby. Has tatoo on her left breast of a dolphin. Over 5ft6. Thai not Chinese.
Her English could never even be described as Basic and her honesty is doubtful too.
Worst punt of my life.
Sent out 10 messages on Saturday and there I was in Glasgow at 1pm on Monday, still texting various girls.
Hot Leela replied and was able to take me straight away.
She advertises ?100 and ?10 for kissing. When I text her I asked if this was the case, she replied ?120 Full Service. I paid ?120 and found kissing was pursed lips and minimal contact on lips once and once only (I had even used her prefered mouth wash).
This split second peck, supposedly cost ?10, and was done with grimace and (pretend) confusion about english...how difficult is it to understand "Can we kiss now?". Surely its not as difficult as it is embarrassing to ask for.
I should of walked. But 5 minutes from Glasgow Train Station, turned out to be 15 minutes to Sheriff Courts. When I got there I was just looking forward to getting out of rain and a nice massage. When she opened door she hid behind it and its only when you are inside do you realise that she is not only taller than me (not what you expect from orientals - she is Thai- ) and way bigger than a size 8, maybe 12 ?
She was unshaven which is something I normally appreciate, but on this occasion I, thankfully, was hardly allowed near it. It was mostly hidden under that belly that certainly doesnt belong to a size 8, never mind the girl in the pictures:D
After a reasonable, but strange massage, I was asked to flip over and when she nested between my legs, it was then that I had that strange conversation about "Can we Kiss?".
Oral was covered and lifeless, I then said could we do "something else", she replied "ok" and pushed me off the centre of the bed, lay on her back and said "get on top", she then lay with her head turned as far away from me as possible and started groaning whether I moved or not. Her legs were spread VERY far apart and hunched up towards her shoulders, arms were basically the same. It was at this point I realised what shagging a sack of potatoes meant. The only contact happening was chests, hips and the occasional pecking of her shoulder, which got groans but no turning of head. It was awful and to cap it off I somehow managed to have a spasm in the Arch of my foot !?!?.
She seemed to agree that this didnt count as coming ("Twice is MAXIMUM") and when I asked if we could try another position I found myself back in the position I was in minutes before, with condom off and masses of Johnsons oil poured over my wee man. It then seemed like forever until I was able to cum. Within seconds of this she had soaked me in wet wipes and god knows what, it felt like I was at a bad tempered Doctors getting my foreskin checked for something!
After this (15minutes in) I found myself on my front getting that weird massage again, after 30 minutes total I made my excuses and left. As she didnt seem to understand any English anyway I decided not to fake a muscle pain during massage and instead said complete nonsence with a smile. She smiled back and said "okay". Then it was 3 times in as many minutes, the same conversation about the rain, but god knows what she was saying about it. It sounded like she was saying "Blinging" ?
There was a friendlyness about her, but only on her terms, if I asked for something other than what she was doing it was kind of "okay" but in a way that looked and sounded more like "FINE BE LIKE THAT!!!!" :)
Just awful and hard earned money completely gone. She said something at the end as I had complemented her massage ( I know, but Im like that :-/ ) she seemed genuine in telling me it was Thai massage and then something else like she learned it there or was learning it here, either way she seemed oblivious to whether it was meant to be DEEP TISSUE or Tantric, or relaxing ;)
She also had two rules that were never spoken but obvious one was I had to be in the middle of the bed at all times and even though stripping off infront of her and laying on bed, twice I put my hand under the pillow - like I would at home- both times she Grabbed my wrist and yanked it out, maybe it was to do with the massage but it felt more like she been watching Basic Instinct.
It got that way where I thought about some other reviewers who have said they take control of a bad punt and just go at it pretty hard, fire and forget. It just not something thats in me and some of her mannerism made me thing she would kick the shit out of me too. :)