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No. 117601 - Published 1 Aug 2014

Review of Fifi of Northampton

Details of Visit
Type of Visit:Incall
Date and Time of Visit:Thu 31 Jul 2014 17:15
Duration of Visit:30 Minutes
Amount Paid:60

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Details of Service Provider
Profile Name:Massage @Xxxnorthampton - click to view profile in a new window
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The Premises
Northampton Massage is now been open for some time, so should be well en route to establishing itself. Apparently not, which makes me even more infinitely disheartened to have to write this report. Perplexingly, the actual venue is very good, with a discrete entrance, very accommodating reception staff and there are excellent washing facilities with the rooms. In truth, everything that you could wish for.
The Lady
Fifi was purported to be, "lovely, slender, with a 32-C bust and offers the full GF experience". In addition, she is alleged to come from France. "Slender" gets a tick, but the other attributes are as farfetched from the actuality, as I now have to travel, and that's some way, considering I am currently headed for Heathrow and a flight out of the UK. Fifi is completely flat-chested, with predominant nipples, and skilfully disguised by a well-padded bra. She has zero tenderness in her performance and was so overtly dispassionate, it was incredibly difficult not to burst out with laughter at the preposterousness of it all. Insouciance is the kindest adjectival characteristic I can label her with.
The Story
From the outset, it needs to be stated that I have no vendetta against this establishment and am, indeed, reluctantly composing this report as a demonstrative indication that a very vigorous, accountable and assertive quality assurance process needs to be brought into their business objectives, for as long as this continues, they are destined to fail spectacularly and with the inevitability of an organisation, which could not protect its front-facing operations. Sustainability can only be accomplished by the consolidation of a solid client satisfaction basis.

The plethora of positive reports I submit here, is a clear sign that when worthiness is justified, I accredit accordingly. In the main, I lean not to post if I have experienced a bad encounter, but the times when it has been particularly disconcerting, I have drawn attention to it, in the hope that the service provider would take the events highlighted as a true representation of how the situation really appears with the clients.

Here is a brief description of what occurred. I arrived, without an appointment, and had to wait about 15 minutes for the lady to arrive. This was fine as I had chance to shower and prepare myself. The other ladies on offer were not of my liking, more of which is mentioned below. I went to hug the lady when she walked in and, amazingly, was shrugged off! "Oh", I said, "ok, how are you?" Fifi replied "you want to see me then?" Now with this brusque, dismissive approach, anybody else would have walked. I'm fortunate that I have sufficient enough means that £60 for some amusing moments is not beyond my scope. "Sure”, I replied.
Fifi grabbed the money and disappeared for a few minutes. I waited dutifully, hoping that on the return, a more affectionate approach would be evident. She returned, and again, I attempted a hug. Nope, nothing going there, being physically restrained by hands. “you get onto the bed, you want a massage, baby?" “Not really", I quipped back, "you know, a little introductory hug and kiss might be nice". However, it proved unsuccessful, and I resignedly permitted her to begin things with me on the bed. Throughout the whole occasion, I attempted several times to draw her in or even offer a kiss. Freshly showered, teeth brushed minutes before 'arriving - nothing at all was going. In fact, closeness was categorically discouraged. During the massage, I attempted to touch beyond the basics, but the posture and distance, with which she sat, curled up, legs curled protectively beneath her, prevented absolutely no entry or access. “Well, what the hell" I thought to myself, "let's just go along with the flow and see what happens, no fuss, no complaint etc.". A lacklustre frontal massage was offered, which has to be the most uninspiring, emotionless gesture, I think I have ever encountered. A few minutes of this, and again, I attempted to draw her down to me. Nope, none of that was happening, so I resignedly asked what was actually offered in the service. “Massage, oral and sex" was the perfunctory response.
"Righto then, shall we start then?" i asked. "Ok" was the reply and a condom duly extracted from the bag. "OWO?" Nope again, not going there apparently. Here I have to be fair, and admit, that her oral skills were ok. I had no qualms with that! Positions thereafter were also extremely bemusing. Fifi is taller than myself, so doggy itself should not have been too awkward. Instead, Fifi raised her rear right in the air and despite me requesting her to lower herself closer to the mattress, that wasn't happening either. Realisation dawned when I discovered that she was using her hands, possibly to prevent deeper penetration or for some other godforsaken reason. Just for the sheer curiosity factor, I switched us to missionary, where she bizarrely stretched her hands across her stomach, again reaching down to prevent deeper penetration, despite me lifting her legs upwards and back towards her chest. That must have been a bloody uncomfortable position to have her hands stretching down like that with her legs up. I gave her a minute or two to see if she would relinquish, but I lost patience and wanted it over, so switched to her on top. To add the final touch of comedy to the event, before mounting me, she took time to fiddle and basically, mess about with the condom, affectively achieving nothing at all. I bemusedly asked her what she was doing, and she said "just checking the condom". Absolutely nothing was altered, nothing applied, and the reasoning for that is merely beyond me.

Ok, this is how consecutive poor experiences I have had here, and to be honest, after my last posting of the establishment (FR 116148), management did contact me and apologise for my negative time. They did offer a discount on my next visit. To demonstrate that I am not attempting to exploit the place, I deliberately did not invoke the offer, as I am a kind-hearted gent by heart. No maliciousness is intended, I deeply wish only to show the establishment their failings. If the establishment does read this, I would encourage them to read my other reviews and see what I describe therein and illustrate on how an encounter should happen and what is positive about them.

In short, they need desperately to vet and especially, quality control their staff. A new brand of lady needs to be brought in. The vast amount of ladies here, are mid 30’s, if not considerably older. Many of them are size 12 upwards, and although it is claimed that some are 10, the common understating of size, age, and other attributes needs to be radically overhauled. The proclamation that Fifi, for example, is French, is so blatantly untrue, it does really make an utter mockery of things. I know this, for when I explained to Fifi, in French, what my profession was, she had no clue, not at all. She may have spent some time in France, highly likely, but the attribution of exotic features like this, which cannot be verified, is both frustrating and immensely irritating. Admittedly, the ladies cannot give authentic personal information out,, but a fundamental basis of truth is essential. Fifi suggests that her parentage was from Senegal, which may well be true, and probably a source of her origin. So why not say she is from there, or just from Africa? The disgraceful exaggeration of her bust size also irked me. Again, I do not mind smaller ladies, but I see no productivity in outlandishly stipulating a lady is bustier than what she really is. Flamboyancy is a specific concerning attribute to this parlour.

i will visit here again, undoubtedly, and sincerely hope that I will encounter a lovely, young, well
-meaning, genuine girl, who can offer the true authentic GFE service. If the ladies can only offer a PSE service, then please specify that. There is no ill-will on my part and I will support the establishment, but maybe, a longer stay away is necessary, or possibly, a wait till a newer brand of lady is offered. My last visit was in February 2014, and a five-months break should have been time enough for amendment and reconnaissance. I perceive no active actions to improve the stock of provision there. An infantry needs to be scrupulously taken, their assets and cliental satisfaction gaged and an assertive approach to improvement and betterness undertaken. As it is, this place will simply limp along, surviving at best, in the main by new-comers, and I envisage not many of the ladies acquiring long-term regulars, unless they are of the older persuasion and not concerned with outstanding physical classifications.

Fifi claims to be starting an university course in September 2014, and potentially, she has stumbled into this profession to offset her inevitable student debt. Although an admirable approach, I sincerely consider this to be a unfavourable approach for her, as she is clearly not adept at the ultimate skilled profession of love. I wish her well, wholeheartedly, and sincerely hope that she attains all of her aspirations, but this is not the avenue she needs to be venturing on to ascertain said objectives.
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