No. 118858 - Published 25 Dec 2014
I don't normally write reviews on anything, unless something is monumentally bad. However the experience with EnglishAnalQueen left me with no other choice. I'll start by giving a bit of background – I'd initally met with Chloe back in July for a 15-minute visit to her by no means unpleasant little flat in Dulwich/Denmark Hill, when she was still using the title lovingthelove, fairly local to where I live. I was pretty tired and slightly wound up after a stressful week at work and by my own admission I didn't perform well at all.
I liked her however, both in terms of looks and personality and added her to my hotlist. A few weeks later in September, I'd resigned from aforementioned job and decided to visit Chloe again for a second bite of the apple – I booked a 30 min session at the same place. In all honesty it was in the top three shags of my life – she was simply excellent in every way and I can't complain at all. I don't make a habit of paying for sex but I left very satisfied indeed and couldn't wipe the smug grin off my face the next day. If anything, at £70, I actually felt like I'd been undercharged for the experience – I walked away feeling miles better about myself after one of the most stressful weeks of my life. The best thing about it was it didn't feel at all like being with a hooker, it was more like a lovely NSA session with an old flame. There wasn't a hint of clock-watching about her and she was happy to chat afterwards and even offered me a drink.
Nearing Denmark Hill station on my way home, my phone pinged. Within ten minutes of leaving her flat, Chloe had reviewed me on AW – "Lovely guy always welcome back". It would have been rude to have not reciprocated the favour so I left a similarly short and sweet, but nonetheless extremely positive review about her the next morning. It was so refreshing to meet an enthusiatic and genuinely attractive English girl rather than one of the numerous dubious Romanians that pepper AW.
Fast forward to December - a few busy weeks went by and I decided to visit Chloe again. This time she'd upped sticks and moved to Bayswater, which was no big deal – I remember her saying this was her intention and I know the area well as my former employer is based in Notting Hill. After leaving on such a high note last time I didn't for a second imagine anything other than a straightforward repeat of September's visit, just in a different location.
How wrong I was. It started to unravel last weekend (13th Dec). I'd emailed Chloe to ask her availability "Yes I am x" came the reply. All good. I made an email booking via AW for Sunday night. No response. Then Monday at the same time. No response. Strange, I thought. I was fairly busy Tuesday/Wednesday and decided to try again on Thursday. I called on my mobile and received no reply. Odd. I tried a few hours later from a landline and she answered, saying she'd email me the address. No email. I texted her again Friday 19th asking to book for 2pm Saturday. I got a text at 7.30pm saying she'd have to cancel. No reply when I texted back to ask about Sunday. I've got a very long fuse but by now point I'm getting quite wound up. I thought I'd sleep on it. Sunday – I book a slot on Monday night – AW says "confirmed" but still no address. I then email Chloe twice via AW – both times she deletes the email without reading it. At this point I'm totally confused, pondering what the hell I'd done to rile her. On Monday morning 21st I text her again and she finally sends the address. We agree 9.30pm. I turn up early and go for a pint in a nearby pub. I call her when I'm outside – no answer. I text her – nothing. It's 9.40pm by now, when she suddenly walks in off the street, barges past me and runs up the stairs into her flat. Door slammed. I ring the bell several times but no response. Both my mobiles are nearly out of juice by now so I call her twice from a nearby payphone. She answers and hangs up. I decide to call it a night and head home. Before driving off I send her a message on WhatsApp, and this is where things get truly weird:
Then the next morning:
I called her one more time, and she responded "babe, I've already told you..." then promptly hung up.
This is by far one of the strangest experiences of my life – I don't know what the history is with Chloe's uncle, it's none of my business and I don't really care. I've never met the man so I can't compare looks (I've been compared to everyone from Jason Statham to Max Branning from Eastenders, but that's another story) I don't know if said uncle exists, or if it was just nothing more than a not-so-polite way of tellling me to fuck off (reason - unknown). I honestly can't remember the last time I experienced such rudeness and a huge drain on my time from anyone. I'd wasted over four hours, all in all by now.
Guys, exercise extreme caution with this girl. That's all I'm saying