Advice needed

Advice needed,
I’m an escort addict who has been in remission,
In my mid to late 20’s I discovered the wonders of escorts, adultwork, viva and the world that became my prison. I was a regular punter I reckon reaching numbers close to 100.

I was lucky enough to meet my wife in my early 30’s, we’ve been married for 7 and a half years, and I’ve not wavered once. There have been multiple occasions where I have browsed adultwork and fantasised about a life I once lead, but I am so proud that I have been disciplined and never relapsed.
This leads me to today…..
I am uncontrollably craving a punt, Im well and truly into relapse, but I just couldn’t face cheating on my wife, it’s bad enough pretending I have a normal sex drive and pretending I’m not a sex addict.

I’m as close as I have ever been to up and quitting, walking away from an amazing marriage with a woman I love, and just diving head on into indulgence and going back to a life of seeing escorts twice a week.
Please tell me I’m crazy and that life is not as free and enjoyable as I remember it!

What would you do?

Hi,
they used to call that the '7-year itch'. But I really do not understand the problem. Women usually feel threatened only by the husband developing an emotional entanglement and splitting the marriage up, or they fear an infection of some sort. Mere physical 'outlets' without those attendant dangers are another matter ... although they would still prefer not to know about it. I long combined marriage and routine visits to massage-parlours. That marriage lasted 43 years. I am currently engaged, I think (we have been separated for years by the pandemic), but I am now addicted to gang-bangs. One just has to be very good at deception. On the one occasion that I slipped up, very early on, my wife was really turned on and wanted to go to a parlour for a threesome. Never happened: that very day, they started showing the AIDS warnings on TV!

That sounds like such an anguished question I can't see you getting a satisfactory answer on Punternet. I could have a go, anyone could have a go at replying but it sounds more like you need a few sessions with a psychotherapist rather than throwaway opinions on here. If you're that torn up about it that's what you should do, seek some kind of professional help. The only thing I would say is that punting isn't all wine and roses and you should remember that from your previous times. Whether it's better or worse than what you've got just now, fuck knows.

Yeah, I know you’re right, I was kind of looking at this as a way of hearing from the ‘other side’, almost letting that little devil on my left shoulder have a say.

I messaged a few SW for a punt and it doesn’t seem as simple as it was when I was using them regularly, They were all unavailable at the time I could break free,
I kind of took it as a sign, I just don’t expect this to go away this time, and I know 100% of I break once, that’s me back doing it forever

Yes, well as a last word on your dilemma and as you've made the point yourself, I would confirm that the escort scene has changed a lot in the past few years since you were involved. And it's been pretty much all downhill. Higher prices, much less choice, more unanswered phone calls, more meetings that are a complete waste of money and time, etc etc. That's the reality for me anyway. Three or four years ago pre covid and Brexit seem like the golden days compared with how things are now.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 25/09/2022 14:34 by Nesslad.

Hi Cranky100, not sure if this is what you’d like to hear or not but,
Similar age and circumstances to you in that I had been married a good 6 six years before discovering the punting world. (Still am married.)
I have never been a sex addict as such though from I’ve experience so far, the punting world could turn anyone into an addict. I can’t imagine anyone going from punting life to married life so you’ve done well! Sounds like you care/love your wife much like myself and I never imagined I would cheat on her, I have never cheated on any previous girlfriends and my wife is my rock. I have and will always put her first over anything. But the thing that did it for me, (I don’t know what your sex life is like) almost as soon as we got married sex pretty much stopped. I’m lucky if I have sex 4 times a year. It’s not as though my wife is evil woman that holds me to ransom over sex. She has suffered wife illness and resulted in multiple surgeries (some accrued before we married) which has knocked her confidence so for a few years I’ve accepted this and put my needs last until last year, unknowingly suffering with depression and stress for some time until it started to affect me physically. For months I suffered with neck, shoulder, headaches and visited various osteopaths who all said I’m really tense but nothing else wrong, then one day one of them suggested my issues were caused by anxiety/stress. Not wanting to go onto antidepressants. I ultimately decided that the routine of life with barely any sex was getting me down. And one day in confiding with an old friend, he suggested I needed a Thai massage with happy ending, which at first I passed up on but then months later the urge and curiosity got the better of me and I eventually went to one and I’ve been addicted since, going for both fs or he massage. And am now both physically and mentally better than I’ve been for years. I think overall punting has and is saving my marriage but to save having to lie to the wife I only punt when she goes out for the day/weekend away which helps with guilt and as I previously said no matter, my wife will always come first over any punt. Once/twice a month is more than enough for me.
What I’m trying to get at with this is, don’t ignore your needs, and like a previous poster has suggested it’s not like you are getting emotionally connected with escorts.

AW and other are adverts designed to entice, ideally you try and wean yourself off them.

Then the practicalities:

Hiding the spend.

Making the time.

Saying no or oral without – or keeping away from the wife until the STI clinic says you are clear.

Then using a condom.

Limited kissing.

The after a fuck no cuddles and sleep, its bye.

Focus on the wife and your love life with her!

So today I finally cracked…..
And I really don’t feel the gut I thought I would,

Hiding it felt no different than when I was single and hiding my activities from everyone.

Looks like I’m back in the game ????

So it sounds like you’ve made your mind up but here’s my two pence worth:
You’ll never be satisfied. You may leave a session with a SW feeling satiated but it’s temporary. Addictions get expensive!
Guy I knew was massively into his SW’s and especially Polish Girls. Had them on a conveyor belt in and out. Even he said that you could have just had sex with a stunning girl but it’s nothing compared to sleeping next to someone you have genuine feelings for and vice Versa. Everyone on here is a ‘whoremonger’ so you’ll get all
Sorts of advice but think hard before throwing away something real for a hollow existence of punt after punt. Try doing it occasionally maybe?

Make sure that you choose a reputable Escort Agency that way you can avoid any scams. Also beware of very cheap prices and there are often fake photos and hidden extra charges. Chloe x

Did you need any advice?

The escort may have a loving relationship with a partner and just does it for the money, you have perhaps done the same

Has the sex life with your wife resumed after the meet, are you feeling guilty or dissatisfied with her now?

Your marriage is a joke as you are treating your wife like dirt.