Review of Alicia Gold of Alicia Gold, London

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Memo to stock control - you've run out of Trojans

Meaty, beaty, big and bouncy. Yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!

The maid steers me into the room, takes my drinks order, returns with a glass of water and an assurance that Alicia won't be long. She's a little late; no problem, I can thumb the pages of "1000 years of annoying the French" - there's probably an erroneous reference to the origins of the V-sign - I couldn't find it but apparently, the 100 Years War was a huge mistake. Blimey, Tony, that must make you sore.
A determined knock announces the arrival of Alicia. A vision of dark chocolate naughtiness. Tall and confident she whacked my feeble witticisms back with practiced banter. Limply I flick my kecks onto the chair; she catapults her bra across the room.
?Would you like a massage??
?No, thanks. I?d rather kiss ?n? cuddle?
We fell onto the bed and snogged like bagless hoovers. Can?t remember what I said but she laughed so uncontrollably the house must have assumed she'd just eyeballed my member (more on that later).
As we kissed I softly stroked the baroque architecture of her pleasure palace. She took hold of my shaft and beamed "Hmm, someone's been blessed.? It beamed back like a shiny Bockwurst eager to boil in her juicy cooking pot.
"I wouldn't recommend you attempt anal with a novice" she advised
"Do you know that's something I've never done" I confessed
"I'm not surprised. Just look at it!" She pauses and adds curiously
"Oh, I dunno. An overnighter, a few strong drinks and a tub of KY and I might be tempted" More gales of laughter.
I went down and tasted her luxurious pussy, adding two fingers I worked at her like Swayze throwing wet clay.
"You're so good at that" she murmured [honestly - and I don't even hail from Stoke] "I'm gonna have to stuff your tongue into my handbag"
"Nice, but what about the Bockwurst?"
With that she seizes my shaft with lips, tongue and throat. "JFC!" I nearly popped. She sucks with an artistry that encourages the illusion we were fucking "au naturel." During this episode I complemented her action with gentle brushstokes on her honeypot. Suddenly she wails, "Oh fuck! I'm gonna cum!" Maintaining the rhythm I slow hand her hood with four fingers and she's there....jerking, shuddering, jarring, clenching.

Johnny's turn now.

She produces a condom - it looks small. She covers the head but it snaps back and garrotts my bell-end. Not good. I remove it carefully.
"Haven't got any large ones" she says and leaps off the bed, opens the door and calls down the corridor
"Can you ask the girls if they've got any large condoms?"
Long silence.
"Er, no, sorry."
"What! MKs premier parlour and no large condoms!" I begin to wilt.
Desperately she rummages through the draw once more.
?Keep it hard!? she encouraged
"Ah, I've found an American one" I could almost hear the cavalry bugle.
"Well that's bound to be oversized" I mused.
It was chocolate! Now I was sporting an eclair.
A quick gallop at mish was followed by more of her oral magic but with time running out and my ardour draining even faster I was resigned to the inevitability of my demise at the Little Big Horn.

The establishment writes:

I am so terribly sorry about the super-sized or lack of...I shall make sure there are some for your next visit so you can brandish your massive member with relish and in comfort.

chloe.xxx

p.s...glad you had such a great time, this review was fun to read.