Review of Yum of Southampton

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An utterly squalid flat over an estate agent's office, with a sinister man hovering in the kitchen next to the bedroom

Not the girl in the photographs. I would not have chosen her if the photographs had been of her - let's leave it at that. All they had in common was that they were women, and oriental.

Always depressing to hear the words "You want fuck me now?" two seconds after you have handed over the money; apparently the only English she spoke (or at least, the only English she uttered to me). This was completely mechanical and unerotic. She watched a Chinese gangster movie on her iPhone while giving me a perfunctory massage, and interrupted her fucking to turn up the volume - yes really. When it was all over she turned on an app on her phone - love that - so that we could converse. She asked if I would see her again. I said diplomatically that I had to go back to Manchester. She said she would go to Manchester. Weird. Got out as fast as I could, watched by the sinister man in the kitchen.