Review of Linzi Dawn of Linzi Dawn, Birmingham

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Vertical walls.

Voluptuous Brunette.

It was Friday and my conkers were splitting their shells. Fortunately, I'd made an appointment with a Yummie Brummie called Linzi.

I adore girls who hail from north of Watford Gap Services. They remind me of northern towns - always more fun than you expect. And Linzi was no exception. She swirled into the room like an oestrogen-fuelled tornado: sexy, chatty, and up for the crack. I immediately wanted to embrace her.

"Gimme a kiss, darlin," she puckered.
We kissed fully.
"I hope you're feeling horny," she commented. "Cos I ain't been shagged for days and I want you to do me doggie style."
"It would be a pleasure to oblige," I effused.
"Great. But first I need a piss," she said. She turned to walk out the door.
"Why don't you use the ensuite?" I said. "And why not leave the door open so I can listen."
She glanced sideways at me. "You want to watch?"
"If you can forgive my candour, I'd like you to join me in the shower so you can piss all over me."
She thought about it for a second and I could see doubt dancing in her eyes. I was tempted to invoke a Jedi mind-trick on her, but thankfully her reticence evaporated and she held out her hand. I placed my hand in hers, and she led me to the shower.

I knelt down. She put her left leg on my shoulder and took a deep breath to relax. A few moments later a satisfyingly pungent golden stream sprang from her fanny. It was as welcome as the first trickle of water returning to a dry Serengeti riverbed. I was pleased - this was another 'first' ticked off the list!

After a good wash with blue gel, we returned to the bed for a massage. I lay face down and she asked if I wanted talc or lotion. I asked for baby oil, but she didn't have any. I was sad beyond solace . . . well, until she ran her fingers up my thighs towards my vegetable patch. After a quick tickle of my spuds, I turned over for some OWO (with plenty of eye contact), and some unsteady doggie in front of the mirror. We moved back to the bed for some more OWO. At my behest, she stuck a small pink dildo up my arse and gave me a slow handjob. She continued this until, in the distance, I saw a roadsign marked 'Orgasm'. I sped towards it like a DB9 in third gear.
When I came, I squirted like a jet of screenwash.
Linzi looked astounded. "Do you always spurt so far?"
I replied, "Only in expert hands."