Review of Lauren & Stella of All Nations, Birmingham

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A bit of a dump, actually - despite what a recent FR said. However, I will concede that it's less of a dump than their previous in Balsall Heath. Safe enough, on main road through Bordesley Green, and with easy on-street parking.

Lauren - a stick insect (which doesn't really do it for me) with nipples but no tits, and a straight-up-and-down boyish body

Stella - of indeterminate nationality, poor English, and with saggy tits.

To paraphrase Brian Clough, this wasn't the worst-ever punt, but it was in the bottom-most one - or thereabouts. It's one to put down to experience, but I do wish that I hadn't gone through it. In the couple of months after I submitted my first FR on All Nations (81186, re. 19.3.2008) which raved about the place, I rapidly revised my opinion because of the complete lack of people skills in one Lauren. She had been downright offensive to me on the 'phone, and was always trying to scam extra money. The recent FR persuaded me to try again.

Had 'phoned earlier to be informed that there would be 6 girls available; that a 2-girl would be ?60; and that, for a 2G with DFK and OWO with both, my best bet would be for Stella and their English girl. When I arrived, none of the 6 girls in the front room (none of whom had decent English and some of whom looked rather under 18yo) could agree that they provided the services previously discussed, and the "English girl" would be back in 10 minutes. So I waited, with some negative vibes. Ten minutes later, in walked Lauren: Oh Shit! I suppose I should have made an excuse and left, but you know how it is.

Lauren said that Stella did the required services, but that she had to keep quiet about it because she didn't want the other girls to know. The three of us went upstairs and, first of all, Lauren wanted ?80, then moved down to ?70 (cf. the ?60 quoted on the 'phone). Stella did NOT do DFK, and her OWO was shallow, to say the least. For once, I found it hard to get hard, and decided to give shagging a miss, cumming instead by my own hand on their tits. Throughout, in lots of different ways, Lauren attempted to raise her own very low self-esteem by telling me what to do (e.g., to pick up the tissues off the floor, etc.) This punt was truly dire, and I would advise all others to give it a very definite miss. One lives and learns ... .