Review of Cream of Asian Escorts London, Asianselection Oriental, London

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Small but very nice flat, literally across the road from Leicester Square tube station. Spotlessly clean and comfortable/cosy. Good firm double bed. Easy to get to from the directions given by the agency. Easily accessible by numerous bus and tube routes. Safe and discrete. Great central location.

Cream aka Pinky aka Prem is a pretty Thai woman/milf. Similar to the photos on the various agencies websites, but prettier in real life. Probably about 5"2' tall and a dress size 10. She has large tits, but I can't say for sure if they're real or enhanced, as I didn't get to have a proper feel of them. Slightly chubby, she has a bit of a spare tyre. She's not a spring chicken, I'd guess she's probably in her late 30s to early 40s. Several reviewers said that she speaks good English, but she claimed she didn't understand most of what I was saying. I found it very difficult to understand anything she said as well.

Well, this was a big disappointment. I'm not having much luck punting Thai escorts so far this year. I'd been on a roll for a very long time, stretching back over a year, but all good things must come to an end eventually I suppose. My previous punt with Donna was a complete disaster too, as she messed up her schedule and only gave me 30 minutes instead of the hour that I paid for. And then tried to pretend that she gave me the full hour, thinking I wouldn't notice. Very naughty. Btw, Donna looks absolutely NOTHING like the girl in the photos either. To my eyes a completely different person. As compensation the agency agreed to give me a discount on this one. Sadly, this was probably even worse.

The reason I choose Cream was because of her excellent reviews on the various agency's websites. Everyone said she did a great massage, which I like (and need) very much at the moment because of my bad back. She also received quite a few compliments regarding her "unrushed service", so not a clock watcher (I thought), and also her great shower/bath skills (a personal favourite). In fact, 2 of the main reasons I picked her was that virtually all of the reviewers said that she was super friendly and had a fantastic sense of fun, and a beautiful smile. These are all the things I specifically look for in a punt. Unfortunately it wasn't to be, as Cream withheld that side of her personality from me.

She faffed around for AGES at the beginning, getting beer, texting the agency (with smiley faces, kisses and hearts!?) trying to find appropriate music on her phone, etc. and just sitting on the bed and sipping said beer. After about 25 minutes of stalling, and zero attempt at seduction or anything remotely sexual transpiring, I thought this must be her 'style', hence all the "unrushed service" comments, (and it was early afternoon on a week/working day, so maybe she's not busy) but I finally took the initiative. The next 20 minutes or so were reasonably good, but she was a pretty passive partner, just lying on the bed and letting me do my thing, and constantly covering her tits with one arm and her stomach and pussy with the other!? She was not engaged in the proceedings at all. Going through the motions is an apt description.

Kissing was NOT on the menu, not even a peck. Any time I got close to her lips for a kiss she turned her head away. Whenever I tried to kiss her neck or shoulders she shoved me away with her shoulder, saying it tickled and she didn't like it. Whenever I caressed her arms and legs with my fingertips, she again pushed me away saying it tickled and she didn't like it. When she reached across the bed to get condoms from her bag, I began to squeeze her arse cheeks, but she pushed me away and said I was squeezing too hard and I was hurting her. So, a very sensitive woman. She was smiling, but it appeared to be more a smile of resignation than happiness. Incredibly, the only part of her body I was allowed to touch was her pussy, which she let me massage thoroughly for several minutes.

After I came we started to prepare for the massage, she started muttering something about we won't have time for a massage, that she had another customer immediately after me, and then she became the ultimate clock watcher by putting the bleeding clock on the bed next to my face on the pillow to show me there was only 10 minutes remaining! A first for me! She then gave me one of the lamest, feeblest, most lacklustre (and shortest) massages I've ever received. It lasted a grand total of 3 minutes. I know this for a fact because the clock was inches from my nose. After 2 minutes she asked me if I'd like her to use baby oil. I said "Of course" so she splashed oil on my back and rubbed it in for the last minute. I told her that my legs were in pain also, and could she spend a minute on them. She said "Sorry, no time", she has another booking and I have to hurry.

We then went to the bathroom and she proceeded to give me one of the lamest, feeblest, most lacklustre (and shortest) shared showers I've ever had. It lasted a grand total of 3 minutes. Even though she was in the shower naked next to me, all she did was hold the hose and sprayed the water on me. I soaped my own chest and cock and balls and she was washing it off at the same time. When I turned around for her to do my back, she didn't use any soap at all, she just sprayed me with the water for about 3 seconds and said "Okay, done". She was rushing me so much now that I even forgot about the baby oil!

We returned to the bedroom and I frantically got dressed. I was now 5 minutes into overtime and again she mumbled about her next booking and I need to hurry. As I was about to leave I checked the time on my phone, and what do you know? She had her clock set 5 minutes fast! The final insult. Because I absolutely reeked of baby oil, I had to rearrange my plans for the rest of the evening (and cancel some of them altogether) and dash all the way back home for a proper shower and a change of clothes.

I don't know what went wrong with this, but Cream simply didn't want to be there. Maybe I rubbed her up the wrong way with my gentle teasing at the beginning, and she got pissed off with me. Who knows? Maybe she didn't bother trying because of the discount? But surely she'd still get her full amount? All her previous customers had a great time with her, so maybe I'm the problem? But with me she put zero effort into anything. In fact, the only effort she made in the entire hour was to make sure that I left on time. There was no attempt at connection or chemistry, no sexiness or seduction, zero attempt to ensure that I had a good time or even that she enjoyed herself. Zero fun. Needless to say, there was no pampering either. She wasn't present in the room at all. When I compare her, ahem, 'service' to the spectacular showers and fantastic massages and wonderful chemistry I've been getting from the likes of Catherine, Molly, Victoria and others, it really puts it in perspective. This, and the previous punt with Donna, were 2 of the worst I've had in years.